And sometimes it begins to feel a bit “too much”,  and you begin to feel hurt from the pull, the pull of being physically and emotionally stretched too thin. Suddenly you realize how close tears are to the surface and occasionally you are surprised to feel a hot drip running down your cheek, with each drop acting as a reminder of your needs and a reminder you aren’t sure how they’ll be met. And then, just as it comes to the surface, just as you begin to feel this “journey” is mammoth and lonely and exhausting, just as you selfishly throw out a couple of prayers pleading for a bit of relief, it comes. It comes from places you least expect it, a friend inviting your family out for a meal with theirs, reading some beautiful prayers to say for your children, a lovely song which makes you smile at the thought of one day being able to take piano lessons, a special friend of your children’s continuing to become more involved in their life, a giggle or laugh from the corner of the room which is a reminder to be still and find joy and appreciate. And suddenly, suddenly, you realize all this is holy, sacred; the crippling feelings of how you will do it all, the tears, the giggles, the preparing of snacks, the reading of stories, the shared experiences with friends, the people who come into your lives seemingly from nowhere, but just what you need. And you begin to see, because in my selfishness I can’t always see it, just how good God has been. You begin to realize He provides just what you really need, when you need it. Not necessarily in your time but in His. And you can see, in His wisdom that is the right time, for there are lessons to be learned in this. Lessons about grace, kindness, compassion and meeting needs. Lessons about just how much you can’t do without Him and shouldn’t even try. 

He has been good to us, He certainly has.

I was in the midst of my big fret, crying one rainy night driving home from work & school and a voice whispered “just pray”. I said one quick prayer asking for a village to come together, my close friends to accept sacred roles as Godparents and a friend who my children have taken to, to accept being a bit of an honorary auntie.  I asked for people to care about us and identify us as their family, like we do them {it’s not a nice feeling to think you care/need people more than they do you!}

Less than a month later, I can honestly say I see our small and mighty village. There are my close friends Fitzy, her husband Mr. C and their baby (this very week Mr. C in conversation with his partner said we are part of their family as he hung my children’s picture on their fridge) who we enjoyed a pre-Christmas gathering with, a Christmas dinner on Boxing Day together and Fitzy is becoming baby-sitter extraordinaire one day next week. There is a friend from University who took my children out to help them make Christmas gifts for me, invited us for Christmas with her extended family, and is baby-sitting one evening next month so I can attend a work event! There are two friends from work, one of whom is a great mummy friend, is always always reminding me to call her if we are stuck for anything at all (and means it – she has the experience of being in Canada without family, having come with her husband and his father and wanting to desperately ensure we are not alone) and the other is a person my kid’s think hung the moon. Added to that, there are the internet aunties who care about us deeply, many of whom played a role in the adoption coming to fruition.

I said one prayer and something small yet profound happened.

We are not joined by blood
We are not joined by marriage
We are not joined by adoption decree
But we are joined in the ways that really matter, love.

As my daughter said the other day when I was talking to her about families coming in all different shapes and sizes, “Mummy, our family is just great, we don’t all live with each other and we sure do look different, but we really do love each other, don’t we?” That we do my darling, that we do.

Yet again, through my children, I learn a valuable lesson in simplicity – sometimes all you have to do is ask!

My children’s school charges for an enriched (non-optional) gym program and any extras, I suppose like many schools do. So far the extras offered: skiing, skating, gymnastics, dance and a ball based program, have come to a total cost of approximately $750 (approx 450 pounds) per child. Needless to say, my little ones haven’t participated in all those activities (they have done dance and are signed up for the ball skill program in January), though for almost all, they were the only children in the class not to do so. In truth, I would have signed them up for none and only relented with two options so there was something they were involved in with their class. You see, they are already in a much more appropriate dance program {is it just me who would rather her child dance to an Irish gig than Beyonce’s All The Single Ladies with some questionable moves I don’t think children that age should know?!} and I plan to do a family ball based program with them {a far more affordable one} through our local recreation centre. Honestly, I’d rather be there to watch and cheer them on, despite school trying to sell the programming to me by saying “but parents love it, it means they don’t have to find the time to do activities with their children at the weekends”. Oh no, dear School, that will never “sell” me. Added to this, one of my children has a physical special need which means certain movement must be restricted and I’m genuinely not convinced is gently being reminded {the pain only comes after, so it doesn’t stop actions in time}.

The assumptions don’t end there, there was a weekend camping trip, 55 hours at a cost of $500 for two (why on earth 5-8 years olds need 2.5 days away from their family I will never understand!) which I stood my ground on and explained there was no way, with all the transitions and families my children have had, that in these early days it is appropriate for my children to be away {and I even checked in with our adoption social worker who heartedly agreed and gave me the evidence to back up my argument,  attachment experts say children who are adopted should not be away for even one night for a minimum of a year}. I explained and was certainly made to feel like a naughty child. I held my ground despite hearing that “I was holding back on giving them essential life skills that will only be taught on this overnight trip with school”. I held my laughter as I wanted to explain “essential life skills” are that Mama loves you and is here for you for always and ever, and that this home is for FOREVER, not another one of the 8 {for my daughter} and 14 {for my son}…

Then there are the requests: by Friday your child must have a red hat, brown sunglasses, black dress pants, a grey shirt, $20 to donate to a present swap, a brand new notebook, a collection of french books yada yada.

All this comes to a grand assumption that this Mama has a spare $2140 lyng around over the last three months. I most certainly do not and even if I did, I can honestly say, I don’t think any of what they “sell” is in my particular children’s best interest.

Here’s the truth, I don’t like the assumption that everyone has money for the extras, not because we personally don’t, but because I think having a lot of extras lying around means that there was a cost somewhere else. How many people will never adopt a child because they think they can’t afford it because their life is so filled with luxury extras? How many children are left 11 hours a day at school each day, while their parents work corporate jobs to pay for extras they will never enjoy with their children because they don’t have time? How many schools/administrators/parents mix up needs and wants and don’t understand the skills we can get simply by playing a game together, or going on a nature walk, or just singing songs. I think, yet again, money makes what could be so simple, become something far more complicated than needed. And for as long as I possibly can, I will shield my children in the best way I know: simplicity, communication about our choices and love, in abundance.

What can I say about sweet Gen-Gen.

• Her favourite food is dog food, followed by human food – a very distant last is cat food
• She meows incessantly if she can’t see/find someone who should be here (for example if Ophie is asleep in a closet or I’m in the shower)
• Within two minutes of my heading to bed she’s right there beside me, starting next to my head on my pillow, followed by lying on my face. Next she jumps down to go back to her favourite rocking chair, but she is always there when I wake up {and 99% of the time she tries to wake me up between 3 and 4 – the less said about that the better!}
• During the daytime she owns the bed
• I was told her one remaining eye, which is severely damaged, would most probably need to be removed, but I’ve been putting drops in 5x a day and doing strengthening exercises and it is doing really well. I hope she never loses it because she seems to be able to see much more than I was told!
• She bats Sophie with her paws and pulls Sophie’s leash around the house (with Sophie attached) it is quite adorable!
• She is sweet, loving and really doesn’t know she isn’t a person!

Oh Ophelia. My dainty, sweet soul…

• She only weighs about 4 pounds
• She is most certainly a Queen – regal, proud and reserved
• She comes out of her shell when we are alone, preferring to snuggle when all is quiet
• Ophelia likes a quick cuddle in the morning and a longer cuddle at night
• Her favourite place to rest is anywhere quiet and out of the way – she adores closets, drawers and my sock box.
• She sits on the side while I have a shower and seems to like water
• Her purr is as dainty as she is
• She will never ever eat if Gen-Gen is eating, she allows her to eat first then returns for the leftovers.
• When the front door opens she runs into the warm hall and lies on the floor purring.
• Her special needs have completely dissapeared

What can I say about my Sophie baby?! I guess I should start by explaining since I admitted & shared my own mistakes it has really helped Sophie, accepting her completely for who she is, not expecting her to be capable today of what she did yesterday and showing loads of praises for every little step, just makes her so happy. So what else has Miss Sophie been up to?

• Yesterday she walked for 40 minutes, today 5 minutes – either way we’re getting there
• She is recovering from her nasty ear infection {and yes the cost will be reflected in my July budget!}
• Sophie looooves human food, followed by only one brand of wet dog food. She’s fussy when it comes to canine stuff.
• She adores people, less so other dogs {a lot less…!}
• Sophie has definitely attached to me, if she can’t see me now she comes and finds me, this really marked a change in her desire to listen to me, follow commands and most importantly settle down
• Sophie has started walking into the elevator and in the lobby again, making walks a lot easier on my hip – this week she is basically less spooked
• Her cutest trait is that she plays peek-a-boo at night, usually as you are trying to fall asleep and around 3am. I think she and the cats plan that party each day!
• Sophie can unzip zippers as she does most night on the duvet!
• She always lets Gen eat her food, but is still somewhat possessive of treats. We’re working on it!

And that is the update on the furries!

Twenty minutes later I walked into my kitchen and saw dishes from dinner, I opened the fridge door and saw corn, eggplant, broccoli, salad, cranberry juice, potatoes, a favourite soup, lentil dahl, honey and cheese. I looked in the freezer and my eyes landed on black bean soup, mozzarella sticks and fish. And in the cupboards there was oatmeal, chickpeas, pumpkin seeds, dried cranberries, lentils, cous cous and rice. And while I may not have the ingredients for apple bread or cheesy pasta, I have just what I need to make a favourite, granola!

So the drooling was a good reminder - wants can masquerade as needs if we aren’t careful. We may need food, but that doesn’t mean we need what we fancy in the moment, or ingredients which are not in this week’s budget. No doubt I’ll make the same mistake many more times, but I hope one day it sinks in !

And I can’t let today go by without thanking everyone for sharing their opinion about the tv! I was shocked & surprised by the results. I think I’ve made a decision (although I welcome any other opinions/ideas) and will post once I’m certain – probably next week !

Recently I found out I may have an extra special blessing, a blessing I haven’t budget for but will embrace fully. It will not be easy, but one of the best things I’ve learned is to start thinking about what your expenses will be over the coming year and plan.

• Will your baby need a new carseat?
• Will your pets need to go to the vet?
• Will your children need school supplies, camp fees and camp supplies?
• Will you need medication you’ll need to budget for?
• Will you need to replace shoes, boots, coats, linens, appliances?
• Will you quite possibly need an emergency fund just incase anything goes wrong?

I’m learning it isn’t necessarily about what you will need now, but instead what you may need in the future!  Suddenly that $5000 tax return when you don’t have savings, would have been better spent on four nights away locally on a budget of $1000 and $4000 waiting for a rainy day. Because while there are very few things which are certain in life, one thing that is certain is that rainy day will come…

Have you ever spent money and then realized you needed it for a need down the road? How do you make sure you don’t make that same mistake?

St. Francis de Sales

What will we do today to practice loving?

Everyone slept in this morning, only opening our eyes at 6:15 to the dulcet tones of Mary Ito on Fresh Air.  Sleeping in was a direct result of late night reading, a love so profound for this book I even skipped Richard. No book has as eloquently moved my inner core since I first read Fall On Your Knees and North and South, both of which, now along with The Help, are yearly reads.  Books about social justice and women fighting against the barriers others are so firmly held under, make for the most inspiring and beautiful read.

And since it was Sunday, I cooked a cooked breakfast for the furries which means they pass out for the rest of the day, unless I get out a broom then well, that’s a tale I’ll save for another day. And while they napped I enjoyed the Observer & New York times.

The rest of the day will be highly domesticated as I’m making homemade ginger & raspberry cordial, hand washing the floors, replying to emails, delivering lunch to the homeless and cooking something in the slow cooker, in addition to Church, Proverbs reading and participating in a study on Matthew. And if you look to the right of the blog, you’ll see a beautiful new child of the week, so today I’ll be praying for him too!

And a bit of Q & A…

1. If you could go anywhere in the world right now where would it be?

Home – Watergate Bay to be exact, followed by running through the waves on the Devon coast!

2. How do you socialize on such a strict budget?

This has to have its own post really, but the truth is, something I’ve really learned in the last five years is you need to redefine what a social life is and what normal is. I am constantly amazed at how people define a “rare treat with friends” when in truth it is a norm, it just looks different each weekend. I try not to do anything that is mindless or without intention and I bring that to my social life as well, not just budget wise but in who I spend time with.  Five years ago I would have said I don’t have time at the weekends to feed the homeless because I worked all week, yet I had time to meet up with friends, shop, go to the cinema, visit the theatre etc. and do at least two things each weekend. Now I would say on average, since November, I’ve met up with friends one weekend a month (one month it might be dinner, the next month a movie) although July will be busier as I’ve been invited to a BBQ’s and a good friend is now local, which means we have plans next month! I think my aim/ideal would be not more than two social things each month. In short I think as my faith grew stronger, my desire to live a purposeful life began to define my actions and those finally came in-line with what I believe, which meant the “need” to fill up on worldly stuff decreased to a point of almost not being needed at all, just something I enjoy. I do love time with good friends  and think it is important, but it needs to be balanced with volunteering, fellowship, serving, work, giving, homemaking, taking care of my responsibilities and praying. Over the last year the balance has begun to feel right for me. And the beautiful thing is, once you really examine your own choices/spending/balance, you’ll make the decisions which are best for you in your season of life!

3. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?

Homesteader, wiper of tears, snuggler, boo boo kisser, milk maker, sheep herder, cow wrangler, dog walker, bee keeper, goat milker.

Happy Reclaimed Simple Sunday to you & yours!

But here is the truth. More than all that, the real culprit of my malaise was myself. I was frustrated when people didn’t say the right thing, even though they were trying to be helpful, I grumbled at yet again hearing insensitive comments. I was irritable, cranky, impatient and positively self-absorbed. I doubted instead of living by the parable of faith like a mustard seed. I forgot the principle I live by which is this: if we knew all the facts we would choose exactly what is happening now.

And here’s what happened:

• I picked up my roaring lion (aka Sophie) and told her I was sorry she was stressed and cuddled her for 30 minutes
• I read some favourite scripture
• I asked God for forgiveness for my stinky attitude
• I said out loud “I forgive”
• I made a hot water bottle for my hip
• I asked for healing for my ear
• When I saw the gentleman who slammed the elevator door in my face, I purposely held the door open for him
• I took Sophie for a walk and carried her {she hates to walk} and she was filled with glee
• I made a phone call to apologize to someone and didn’t make any excuses
• I sent an email where I better explained myself

So to everyone I had contact with over the last 24 hours, I’m sorry. I was being a baboon and forgetting I *always* have a choice in how I react and instead of choosing to speak in defense, fear, irritation and tiredness, I will choose love, even if it takes me a while to get there.

Happiness really is a choice and I choose not only to feel that myself, but for my words & actions to make others feel happy, loved and appreciated because the opposite is too awful to contemplate.

Recently I wrote a post about how I’ve cut back on tv watching and many people commented on the fact their challenge was time spent on the internet. Oh how I could relate!  I really and truly don’t think I have it all figured out when it come to time on the internet, but I’ve made a few choices which have really helped me. Hopefully some of you will share what’s worked for you and give me some added tips!

1. I have a rule that I don’t turn on the computer in the morning! The exception to this is if absolutely everything is done, Sophie is walked and I’ve had my quiet time to read and pray. The reality is, after all the morning chores and the fact getting to work 10 minutes earlier is always a good thing, I probably turn on the computer before work once a month maximum and always regret it when I do! In fact just writing this makes me determined to stick to a no internet before work rule!

2. I do not blog or check my personal email account at work. I don’t think it is fair to any employer for my attention to be elsewhere and I think the constant ability to check in with friends or social networking feeds the addiction because you really are getting used to constant contact via blogs, email, facebook etc, making it harder to unplug!

3. I don’t go on facebook - if you’re a facebook friend you know this!  I tweet once a fortnight (on average).

4. I have an internet free day every single week, rain or shine!

5. I don’t have a cell phone that has internet function! In fact I don’t have a cell phone at all

6. I periodically count how many minutes/hours I spend online and then tally it up for the week. If I spend more time online in a week than I do praying, reading my Bible or volunteering, something is desperately wrong!

7. I try to only allow for one evening a week, usually in conjunction with a good drama, to catch up on friend’s blogs, comment, research and be inspired by people in the world doing wonderful things. Because my longer internet time/evening spent plugged in is a weekly rhythm, it’s something I look forward to that doesn’t interfere with daily life! I honestly think that is the key, not making it a daily habit to literally sit in front of a screen!

Finally I think what really helped me was being honest with myself. The week this blog  first took off after being featured in a big name newspaper, I read an update on a blog I read at the time about simple living; the author did a whole series on how she never lets the internet interfere with family time. The author mentioned that she only blogs when her children are asleep, even though she maintained a forum/email group, a popular blog which was updated several times a day with elaborate & thoughtful posts, replied to every single comment, participated in online contests & blog hops, had a blog facebook and a blog twitter account, both of which were updated several times a day. I wasn’t sure how she was doing it and I felt like I was positively disorganized and unaccomplished in comparison. That same week the blog author came back and said she was devastated and embarrassed when her child was asked what mummy’s favourite thing was and her child said mum’s favourite thing was for them to be quiet while she went on the computer, or something to that effect. For me it was a harsh wake up call to be honest with myself and others (!) and to remember what I do now will largely effect the person I become later. It was also a bit of a wake up call about self-imposed/competitive blogging because I realized the person mentioned was largely following a mega-bloggers themes, almost to a T; I decided then and there to also be far more selective about which blogs I read and to approach my blog like I try to approach life – non-competitive, non-commercial, gentle, loving, accepting and honest. That night I made the concrete decision that I would not get an internet enabled phone, I would unplug one full day a week and only spend one evening a week with dedicated computer time. And you know, a couple of years later I still occasionally think about that blogger I mentioned and hope she isn’t being too hard on herself and she’s found some time to unplug!

Do you have any tools for cutting back on time spent surfing? How much time do you spend online each day? Please share any other tips you have which I’m sure I and others could learn from!