What motherhood and life circumstances has taught me recently, is that there is a very different feeling and experience, even if you live on the same budget, depending on whether in the end that is all you have, vs. you are simply choosing to live below your means. For example, paying $60 a week for groceries feels much more stressful when there is no more than $60 to be found, compared to having several hundred left to spend on groceries, but you choose to only spend $60. Today as I walked around the grocery store with my children in  tow, I reflected on this as I counted up the pennies and made my purchases balance. It never felt this stressful when I was simply playing more of a grocery game (frugal by choice and proud of it!).  And the truth is, it certainly doesn’t feel like a game now, I’m not sure what it feels like, but it is stressful. Each time school sends home another letter requesting supplies/a certain coloured shirt for a play/an activity fee etc., another growth spurt happens, or new meds are prescribed, it is no longer about reducing the amount going into savings, it is something all together more challenging – what do we cut now?

I am not poor. We have a lovely roof over our heads, good food in the fridge, books and games and hobbies and joy. But I am also gaining some very good perspective – each car ride now is evaluated for its essentialness, which is humbling, but perfectly fine (having worked in countries where people have to walk 5 miles to get to school, perspective is never far off!). However tough this season of needs is, and it is tough, I am learning more and more each day about the beauty in simplicity, the choices we can still make and the importance of, when possible, saving and building a safety net. I’m thankful that while it feels so different to my previous lifestyle of frugal by choice, I learned some very important lessons during that season that I can apply now.  And I’m thankful I mostly remember that one just needs to sit tight to ride out the storm. But in the meantime, a moratorium on bills please !

• Read my Bible every day - even if all I can manage is a passage or two! I feel as a mother, I need this quiet “spiritual milk” more than ever before!
• Read out loud from a Chapter book to my children each day and take the time to talk through the plot with them to increase their reading comprehension. Because of the chronic neglect they both suffered in their previous families, my daughter’s language processing delay and my son’s speech delay, it can be a challenge for them to articulate their thoughts and it makes people think they understand less than they really do; a little daily practice will help give them the skills and confidence they need!
• Get the dishes done every single night before I go to bed! There is something about dirty dishes on the counter top, or in the sink, that sets a negative tone and makes me neglect other areas in my home, too!
• Write and stick to a weekly menu plan!
• Spend no more than $75 a week on groceries! I really wish it didn’t have to be so high, but both my children were severely underweight at adoption and so I happily spend on foods which are helping them gain weight and grow! Their last Dr’s appt, their Dr took one look at them and said they looked like different children – their faces had filled out, their skin was better, their hair was growing etc. And the great news is, they are now in the 5th percentile on the height/weight charts! It took a LOT of work to get them there, but so worth it. Yes, we can ignore the fact that 95% of children their age are bigger than they are !
• Drink 4 glasses of water per day – this hasn’t happened in three months. Bad me!
• Take my children for a long trail walk each weekend.
• Unplug every single Sunday. I’ve always taken a day to unplug but now that I have children, I really want it to be a day at the weekend. I feel like Sundays are so important, both in terms of a sabbath and in order to set the tone for the week and get everything ready for 5 very very full days. Sundays it is!
• Finish reading Boundaries: When To Say Yes and How To Say No.  Motherhood humbles you and makes you see all the areas you struggle in that you don’t want to pass onto your children. There have been eight times in the last three months, where I should have stood up and said something  for the best outcome for my family, instead I was either silent or I didn’t define my/our boundaries. I’m hoping this book helps!
• Go to bed every single night by 10pm & have my children in bed with lights out by 7:45 pm. I will admit right now my sleep is all over the place, probably 2 nights a week I fall asleep immediately after my children do, another two nights a week I’m up until the wee hours of the morning and the rest somewhere in between.  My big goal right now is to take all the learning about my children’s needs over the last three months and establish both a rhythm for them and a rhythm for me that helps me best meet their needs. And the reality is, I need enough sleep in order to be the best parent I can be!

Those are my 10 goals for the month!

In other news, we are doing great. We have a big month this month (more on that later!) but our days are filled with sunshine and laughter. My children are simply fabulous!

What are your goals for December?

I am continually amazed at how much people spend on books when there are so many other ways to read the same books for free or nearly free. Here are a few tips!

1. Join the library and really embrace it! I don’t mean only go when you absolutely have to read something for that bookgroup/work/parenting course, I mean spend some time walking around your local libraries, get to know the librarians, peruse the shelves and become an active member! You will find a wealth of literature you didn’t know existed and find out neat tips each library offers, for example mine offers several free book clubs and a film group!

2. Get used to waiting! I know for most people, finding out they are number 100 on a waiting list for a particular book is a bit of a joke, but generally there are several copies of popular books and many are even on 1 week loans, so you can move quite quickly through the list. I’m currently 227 for a particular book, but you know what, there are hundreds, no thousands of other books to choose from while I wait. There may be some instances where you can’t wait (a therapy book for you child is one reason) but when it isn’t life or death and you simply want to read a book, practice delayed gratification – learning that skill will save you thousands each year!

3. See if anywhere you frequent has a book exchange/swap/sale. My gym and my bank have books you can take – at the gym it is free (and they encourage you to bring in any book you don’t want) at my bank you donate 50 cents to a cancer charity!

4. If none of centres/banks/gyms/rec-centres offer a book swap program, then suggest one! I’ve done this in the past and most places were very receptive!

5. Make requests for books to be ordered at your library! Don’t be scared of the librarians, they are often very pleased to have suggestions. Before I left Devon I admitted to my local librarian how poor I felt the library service was, she was very receptive, asked good questions about my experience with other libraries in England and asked me for some book suggestions. One month later, there were my suggestions on the shelf! Chances are if you want a book, someone else does to!

6. Check out hospital & University libraries. Many let the public have some access for free!

7. Peruse the book isles at second-hand shops! Keep a list of books you are interested in with you in your wallet/purse and take a few minutes to see if they have any.

8. Set yourself a limit – mine was 1.50 per book. I waited 2 years to find a cookbook I searched all over for (and was determined not to buy it for $5 plus shipping online) and lo and behold 2 years later I found it, for exactly my budget at a charity shop!

9. Join paperback swap and other resources like freecycle. But remember that postage still costs money!

10. Start swapping books with friends. Currently I have more than 10 books I’ve loaned to friends and I have two books here friends have loaned to me.  This is such a frugal way to read & a great way to start a little book group!

And when you really need that book you really can’t find anywhere, ask for it for your Birthday or Christmas

I’d love to hear from you! How much do you spend on books? Have you found any frugal tips for avid readers?

11. Make your own cards or buy a box of assorted charity cards, I buy mine from Toybox Charity - such an inexpensive way to always have a special way to tell someone you are thinking about them and it ensures you aren’t spending $3+ on a last-minute card.

12. Make your own wrapping paper, using brown post office paper, magazines or newspapers. You can jazz it up with stickers, paint, drawings or messages.

13. Use your left over money from the budget for entertainment or food shopping to buy gift certificates and vouchers. These are a great gift for a family in need, or a friend or family member’s Birthday!

14. Go online and search for codes or discounted gift vouchers. Often you can get $25 for $20 or less when shopping online.

15. Buy handmade crafts from people in developing nations - these are usually well priced ($10 or less), the “middle man” is cut out and you are supporting a great cause.

15. Make up hampers – they sound expensive, but buying a couple of $1 face masks, body oils, facial scrubs plus adding in homemade hot chocolate mix, some baked goods and a nice card, these can be very frugal and fun!

16. Get together to buy – pool your money with a family member or friend, if you know your friend could really use a $50 grocery voucher or your nephew could use some swimming lessons, but you don’t have the funds to do it yourself, get two or three people in on it together. Presents which meet people’s needs are always appreciated!

17. Give an experience – present a Birthday treat as a day together, pack a picnic, go to the beach or park and swing by for a hot chocolate afterwards. With careful planning you could give a “day together” present for less than $10.

18. Second hand books – now you have to be careful, not everyone will appreciate such a gesture (although, personally it is  favourite of mine!) but if you know the person would, this is a great way to give gifts. For example a friend of mine last year was trying to eat more beans & lentils, I knew she didn’t “mind” second-hand books, so I got her three fabulous (as in the “top” rated books) second-hand lentil & bean recipe books! No complains from her!

19. Don’t fall into the trap that giving gifts will make you more popular. I have many friends that have admitted to me that they say yes to every wedding and baby shower, just so they can  have more friends. All admitted it’s never worked, but they felt pressure to spend $50 +.  Don’t put yourself under that pressure! I remember an old friend (she was the type that dropped you the second she got a boyfriend and you would then not hear from her for a year + or until they broke up!) I hadn’t spoken to in YEARS sent me an invitation to her wedding shower, no personal note attached saying she would love to be back in touch, but she did put a written printed note on the cards telling people to “please accept if an additional wedding invitation isn’t enclosed, you are not invited to the wedding, we don’t want my parents to spend more than our $40,000 so had to limit who we invite. However we would love to see you at our wedding shower, the gift registry is enclosed”. There was nothing there that was less than $100, nothing. At the time I was caring for the children on one part time wage and so I decided instead I’d write her a lovely Congratulations card, wish her well, update her a bit on my situation & ask about her job, family etc and I think I made a small charity contribution in their name. I never heard back

20. Give magazine subscriptions! Often through reward points, airmiles, store points or seasonal deals you can get amazing offers on magazine subscriptions especially if you buy more than 3. I’ve given a year’s subscriptions for less than $10 before, to a magazine I knew would help and inspire friends.

Do you have any more frugal gift ideas which haven’t been mentioned in these posts?

And speaking of Frugal Gifts, my friend Daleea is having a giveaway today for her BellaBlushDesigns which I’ve blogged about before! Swing by and enter!

I’ve also had a look at the cost of condos here (apartments you own) they are about $25K less than a small house with the same number of bedrooms but again include the bills (apart from cable, internet, phone) and there is no maintenance to worry about. Many of them also have gyms or outdoor pools which can also save you a monthly membership to a fitness facility (which range from $35-$45 a month for a local rec centre membership). One area as a buyer you need to think about though is the condo fees, some seem very reasonable ($110 a month) others are like a second mortgage! From what I see how much the building has makes a big difference, for example indoor pools seem to increase the prices tremendously.

So my frugal tip for this week is don’t discount apartment/condo living as a frugal choice. Many come with great amenities like a private garden plot, a gym, great bus routes on the doorstep and lovely large balconies. It may not be right for everyone but if the ability to pay for repairs, shovel snow, keep up the garden or maintain a home or save for buying is a challenge on your budget or for your lifestyle, maybe apartment or condo living is right for you!

Have you ever lived in an apartment or condo? Was it a frugal choice for you?

Couple A – both 31, own their own home with no mortgage, two young children, she is now a stay at home mom, they have money saved for retirement, he has excellent benefits from his health care job, they take a vacation every year, own two cars, no debt.

Couple B – both 30, one baby and another on the way, she is a teacher, he works for a friend’s large company (financial sector), they have a house with a good $50K equity in it, own one car, take a vacation each year, have good benefits due to her teaching job, have retirement savings.

Neither of these couples have ever:

• Experienced ill-health which meant they couldn’t work
• Been single post University graduation
• Had a sick child or a child with special needs
• Lost their jobs
• Had a family member need economic help
• Adopted
• Had infertility
• Did any international work overseas on a voluntary basis
• Paid for their own University education
• Lived in areas where rentals were high -they rented a 2 & 3 bed for under $600 a month so they could save towards a house.

Both Of These Couples Had:

• A husband/wife – aka two incomes all during their 20′s
• At least $30K in inheritances from grandparents
• Down-payment for houses provided as part of their wedding presents
• Furniture and appliances provided as part of their wedding presents
• Baby showers which gave them all the big ticket items like cribs, carseats, strollers and highchairs
• Free childcare when they were working mothers (grandparents)
• Free vacations – both grandparents owned cottages or time-shares they enjoyed the use of 2 weeks a year
• Good benefits packages at work, vacation allowance and great working hours

There is nothing wrong with the great choices both of these couples have made, but, to think your success financially in life is always based on your own work ethic, is dangerously misplaced and elitist. I know families where a sick child has made the family have debts of over $100K, where spouses have died with no life insurance, where adoption costs have sky rocketed during an adoption so the $25K they spent years saving for became over $45K which they had to “find” in a matter of weeks.

Life will always be a mix of what we can’t control and what we can control, we always need to be able to appreciate (& admit!) our blessings, understand that for some life isn’t so easy, think about how we can bless others with the blessings we have, keep an attitude of there but for the grace of God go I and remember life can change in an instant…

Photo credit – Melystu

There are 29 pounds worth of blueberries sitting in the kitchen, any ideas/recipes/suggestions as to what to do with them? Right now, I’m just eating them fresh from the basket…

Photo credit Harneis – Flickr 

Question: I spend a lot of money on various lotions, cleanser, toner and moisturizer and make-up! I wondered what your beauty regime is?”

This one made me laugh a lot! The truth is, I pretty much rely on drinking at least 8 glasses of water a day, eating at least 3 fruits & 3 veg a day and sleeping 7 hours a night! On top of that I do wash my face with water before bed (I’m planning to begin making my own oatmeal soap soon!), shower in the mornings and use clinique liquid foundation (dewey smooth) and a bit of lip gloss! If I’m out for a more special occasion, I’ll add some mascara and maybe eye shadow & lipstick. I do always keep Body Shop body butter (pomegranate) and Body Shop hemp cream in my bathroom, which I use for my hands. I also remember my top 10 tips for frugal skincare and use them as needed! Honestly & truly that is it, frugal and simple which pretty much sums up most of my life choices!

What’s your beauty regime?

It turns out flights including tax are over £100 and food is around £10 a day (eating in the flat for at least two meals each day), plus she planned to take the couple giving her the week’s holiday out for a nice meal as a thank-you, costing approximately £30.  Not including any extra holiday related purchases (sunscreen, sandals, swimsuit) and only if she is actually going to only eat out once each day, she is already paying £200 (approx $300) for a free holiday and she admits it is probably going to cost “only” an additional £50 for everything else…in my books this holiday isn’t free.

That £250 would be 1/4th of the cost of her big holiday next year and would more than cover the giving she wants to do with £100 to spare…

I think where people struggle is they don’t see that the choices they are able to make in the future largely depend on what they do now and they really don’t understand that each £1 you save is one step closer and each £1 you spend is one step further away.

This friend is able to save £80 a month after paying her bills, her £80 for August is already committed for 2 nights away in Somerset, so she has September – March to save for her Asian adventure.

Looking at the options:

Option A:

£80 x 7 months savings = £560 + £100 savings – leaves a deficit of £340 for her holiday.  Which will most likely go on her credit card…

Option B:

£250 (instead of the “free” holiday)+ £100 (current money for her Asia trip)+ £560 (savings for 7 months) = £910 and with interest, it would be nearer to £930 which means within 1 month of returning, her £80 savings from April and her trip would be paid off.

When I am planning my spending I see each £1 as a piece of the jigsaw and how I spend or save that pound either leaves a piece missing or is one step closer to a complete puzzle.

At the end of the day, my friend has to make the choices that are best for her, but I struggle to see how getting into debt for a holiday is a good option for most people, especially when you are under an illusion the holiday is free, when in fact it may just force you to go back into debt…

Recently I helped a friend slash her budget for gifts by about 90%. I’ve already shared some ways I do this in the 100 Ways To Save Series, but thought I’d tackle a few ideas in-depth here.

1. Budget for gifts – I always keep a jar with a weekly contribution towards gifts!  Other people have a bank account with the money for gifts through the year including holidays.

2. Prioritize! There aren’t many things I found difficult about living in North America, but one I did was the constant gift buying for colleagues, the engagement, wedding & baby showers etc. Personally I really try to prioritize who I buy for and generally focus on people with less and adoption celebrations as they are often overlooked!

3. Make something - a blanket, scarf, pillow cases, dresses, the possibilities are endless!

4. Cook or bake something! I’ve made jams, muffins, cookies, hot chocolate mixes, breads, soups and chutney as gifts! Get organized and do it while you menu plan & freezer cook!

5. Offer a service! From a pretend coupon for a day’s cleaning to cutting the lawn 4x or free baby-sitting, these gifts are free, show service & love and may just be the kindness someone needs!

6. Keep a gifts drawer! This is a brilliant way to save money – buying last minute for forgotten Birthdays or hostess gifts adds up, keeping a drawer where you have instant access to nice gifts is a good way to ensure you never spend in a rush!

7. Shop the sales - I generally stock up my gifts drawer in the after Christmas sales. From great gifts at the Body Shop to Debenhams or Monsoon, there are brilliant gifts marked down to 75% off! I keep things like jewelry, body products, gift vouchers and children’s craft kits ready & waiting! Having these also makes it easier to bless someone in a difficult situation!

8. Go off the beaten track - one off shops, fairtrade shops, craft markets, Church fairs are all great places to find unique gifts!

9. Find something that works & stick to it! When I was a child my mom and I made up stationery kits for friend’s parties – these were a box with fun pencils, pens, stickers, tiny puzzle books etc. I gave these away at all the parties I went to when I was in Grade 4 and 5 and I remember kids in my school actually coming up to me and saying “‘I’ll invite you to my party if you bring me one of those cool pencil kits”.

10. Give charity gifts – from providing livestock to families in developing countries to buying mosquito nets or trees to plant. This is such a way to give to the less fortunate rather than buy for the sake of it!

How do you ensure you give in love while sticking to a budget?