Thinking about where I’m making some errors in my thinking & prayer life has really made me see that I need to focus a little bit more on thankfulness and blessings which have been bestowed upon me, rather than just current deficits, needs and stress. I need to better remember all the times God has provided before to help me remember just how perfectly things turned out under His control. So here is what I’m thankful for right now:

• I’m thankful for the sweet little faces whose picture I get to constantly look at and who, when on trips for meetings/legal process etc, I get to spend time with. Oh dear bloggy friends, they are pure joy!
• I’m thankful I have a job with vacation time, sick time and medical benefits, it all came together just as I needed it {another example of God’s provision!}
• I’m thankful for agencies like the Red Cross and Doctors Without Borders who are in East Africa helping those in such harrowing conditions. And I’m thankful I have something to give!
• July marks the anniversary of the death of two great men, men of courage and honor. I’m thankful both were in my life, I’m blessed by their impact while here on earth.
• I’m thankful that I have a much needed three day weekend this weekend. I need to paint and totally purge everything not needed to create an organized, minimalist place. I can’t wait to get donating and even found out about a shelter for homeless people and people in transition who are in desperate need! Isn’t it wonderful we can give what we don’t need to those who otherwise would not have?
• I’m thankful I decided to cut cable and ditch the tv. It isn’t a need and I’m really at peace about it!
• I’m thankful I’ve been blessed over the last three months with two new friends. While we are so very different to each other, which in my mind is a good thing, it is fabulous to have more local friends!  On top of that an old friend from University has just moved 20 minutes away! {These three are another of God’s provisions because I really didn’t have local friends!}
• I’m thankful for all my bloggy friends and my friend in real life Fitzy, who have supported the possible challenge through prayer and practical ways. I have been blessed beyond measure every time I’ve needed it – yet another example of God not forsaking me or my little family!

As I sit here and reflect on His provision, I wonder why I doubted. I guess I often think to the episodes of loss in my life and see that I misread a sign, or expected something to be for forever and it wasn’t, because of events outside of my control. I think perhaps I assume that I will misread every sign and that doors will close yet again, just as I least expect it. But as I read this list, while I admit there has been loss, there have also been doors flung wide open and so much provision. I’m hoping and praying this current “door” doesn’t shut, thank you for praying too!

What are you thankful for this week?

This tiny encounter made me think a lot about my own financial expectations. The reality is I do “need” to build some emergency savings because if I lost my job we’d be homeless and that certainly isn’t good. But it made me also very aware and thankful that my financial goals aren’t related to storing up treasures here on earth and given the choice I’d rather have the blessing of eight children and four months income saved, then $50K in the bank, multiple houses and weekly meals out.

Speaking of treasures, look to the right of this post. Isn’t Landon a beautiful treasure?

What are your financial expectations? Have they changed over time? Do they include material treasures or eternal treasures?

Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is fragile, hold it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is precious, do not destroy it.
Life is a gift, live it.

I love this verse; it reminds me that life is too short to be neat & orderly and for your life to look like that of your neighbours and friends. We have one chance here on earth, one chance to live it richly, to admire the beauty, to learn from the difficult, to do those things which the average person won’t even consider, to live a life not ordinary but extra-ordinary. We have one chance to leave a legacy not found in bricks and mortar, or even what is left in the bank, but in the way of truly making a difference in the lives of people - young and old, near and far. We have one chance to be a testimony here on earth… Life is a gift, live it!

Financial Goals

• Pay off all debt – done June 2011 {debt from moving here and no income for several months!}
• Sponsor a cot at Butterfly Children’s Hospices aka ChinaKidz – done, June 2011 the day I paid off my debt!
• Purchase {or be gifted, ha!} a pull out couch
• Purchase {or be gifted, double ha!} a frame for a single bed – I have the mattress but it either needs a box or a frame!
• Save $1000 into a mini-emergency fund for cavities, medications, new shoes or any little needs that arise!
• Save $1500 to supplement time off
• Save 6 months of income into an emergency fund
• Begin contributing to my retirement fund again - however small (I haven’t contributed in about two years!) 
• Save $10,000 for possible challenge #2 fees

It’s interesting, when I add up the total amount I need to save, it seems absolutely impossible, but when I break it up into tiny baby steps it seems like a piece of cake – well, not quite a piece of cake ;)

What are your short and long-term financial goals?

I can’t imagine planning my life out anymore, thinking “well have 2 kids” or “we’ll stay in this house until 2020 and then move to a bigger house”. Because honestly and truly, that magic box of surprise is just so amazingly wonderful and diverse – filled with tragedy and joy. There are opportunities, if you never let your path wonder, if you never asked “what can *I* do about this”, you’d miss out on. And what you’d miss out on is something all together different that the norm, because it is filled with an excitement, liberation and joy that can only come with the courage and ability to walk, instead of follow those around you, or live to what society tells you you deserve.  And it’s the ability to risk by putting your hand in that box, that makes life so exceptionally exquisitely beautiful!

So today, my magic box includes tiny trees, purple fields and a great big sun. Tomorrow it includes a big, important event where I’ll don a suit. After that, no one here on earth knows. And you know I’m finally fully OK with that and I’m quite enjoying living in this exceptional place of hope & faith, wondering what tomorrow will bring, while being thankful for everything – the hard and the good, the grief and the joy. Because somehow, when you stop looking at each event and instead focus on the big picture, what you see is earth shatteringly fantastic.

Photo Credit

It is nights like these when the wind & rain are crashing into the windows, the sky is momentarily dark and the lights are flickering that I yearn for a life of

wide, open spaces
solitude for miles
laundry flapping in the wind
a roaring fire
a garden blooming
eggs from my own chickens
 books and blankets to cuddle up with
a real 2,000 acre sky to gaze at
the sea as my closest neighbour
dinner cooking with produce from the garden

It is nights like these I can almost taste the anticipation…

What do you taste when you dream?

1. Sitting on the porch in the evening, watching the sun set & the Blue Heron sit on the lawn!

2. When any of the neighbours bang on the door just as evening is looming, with yet another invite for dinner!

3. Nightly walks, always stopping to admire the views on the lakes and the various wildlife, which this evening included an otter.

4. Wood ready to heat the wood burning stove all winter long!

5. Shucking corn, freshly picked from the farmer’s field, waiting at the farmer’s stand! In fact last night I was running late and someone even waited for me! Be still my beating heart…

6. Gazing at “my” farm I’ve found – it’s directly opposite, has a large farmhouse, a large barn, 30+ acres and it’s a waterfront property! When I told the neighbour I may have found my dream property, he told me he was born some 50+ years ago in that farmhouse. I think my heart may have skipped a beat or two!

7. Driving down the old track roads in the old farming vehicle, listening to tunes on the radio and feeling like I’ve been transported into another era!

8. Hearing people talk about my Dad, just in every day conversation as if he didn’t die oh so long ago!

9. Living according to the sun, the natural rhythm, the natural beauty found through truly simple living and watching the world go by with my boy.

10. A beautiful piano!

What are you loving right now?

“Sometimes we stare so long at our balloon in the sky we forget that our ice cream is melting on our plate”

I’m in a season of incredible change, exciting change, longed for yet scary change, it’s a season of following callings and making big decisions that don’t just effect my life but other people’s as well. For a long while I became guilty of staring constantly at the balloon in the sky [my heart's desires] I couldn’t appreciate the ice cream on my plate. The ice cream on my plate is yummy, beautiful, tasty and unique. It may not be the flavour I most wanted, in fact it may have the occasional sour taste, but it is beautiful nonetheless.

One of my favourite quotes from the book Do Hard Things is “what we become later in life largely depends on what we become now”. In truth, for the last few years, I have not lived in this way, I have not lived in true appreciation for what & who is right in front of me. I have not always seen the beauty in the hard moments, I have not always been in a place of thankfulness, I have not always been able to see that my actions now effect who I could become, or not, in the future. I think I felt that I was in a season of waiting and waiting and waiting. In many ways, that was true, the problem was how I struggled during my wait instead of realizing waiting is also preparing and every difficult challenge needs a lot of preparation!

I have no doubt that I am just where God needed me to be, in order for me to be part of a pretty big and amazing situation. Suddenly the balloon is something I’m not just staring at but I’m actively holding. The reality is, the balloon may blow away, it may pop, but through it all there’s a plan and my role is to serve, love, do all I can to hold on tight and believe the balloon can fly. My role is to choose thankfulness and to be both the change I want to see in the world, and be the person I know God wants me to become.  Through the “impossible” challenge(s), I’m going to choose joy. I doubt it will always be easy, but I know joy is part of the solution, it mobilizes, motivates, encourages and provides. 

My name is Frugal Trenches and I choose Joy!  I do not, however, own a green dress and lately when I think of joy I imagine myself in a green dress, holding a balloon and an ice-cream cause I’m greedy like that   And one day I am going to get a photographer to take a picture of me in a green dress with my ice cream and balloon and I will share it here! The picture…not the icecream! :0)

Do you know what your balloon is? Do you see the beauty in your icecream?

July is going to be a HUGE month here in the Frugal Trenches household!  The goals for the month are:

• Gather six references
• Two telephone appointments
• Unpack from volunteering overseas
• Pack (!)
• Book the leap of faith “impossible” challenge Birthday gift!
• Get a plan of action together for August…(it’s when I hope the leap of faith results in the net appearing!)
• Get prescriptions renewed
• Go to the Dentist
• Get eyes tested
• Swim 25x
• Go for a 1 hour walk each day
• Spend some time with my niece
• Send a parcel to the orphanage I was volunteering at
• Begin a weekly post/series about volunteering/helping opportunities around the world
• Finish the my first knitted baby blanket and send to a friend who is due July 14th (pictures to follow!)
• Schedule four volunteering days in my community (weekends over the month of July!)
• Begin a knitting project to send hats and blankets to orphanages for Christmas/winter!
• Clear out all old paperwork so I only have papers from 2009+
• Get Criminal Reference Check
• Read Isaiah, Job, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes

I chose this picture as a reminder a big storm cloud may appear, but the sun will *always* be waiting behind it.

What are your July plans?

Lately I’ve felt like I have a mountain to climb.  I needed to get a job, in order to rent a small flat in the area I hope to purchase the small holding. I need to rent somewhere to find the time to look around and save. I need to save to buy the property & land [and when I say property, let me be clear, it will probably be two rooms and maybe an indoor bathroom ;0)]. I need to own the home in order to create a family…and well, the list goes on. In between all that, there were applications, each of which involve writing an essay. On top of that I help a family member in a voluntary capacity, who needs a lot of daily support. Plus there is a very needy friend, who I’m trying very very hard to help practically, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to get it together enough to visit/help/support as much as needed and I, in many ways, feel like I’m failing to be the right person in this role. There were visitors for three weeks, which I’m still trying to recover financially from, car woes,  flu, colds, eczema and then the normal everyday stuff which just seems all together too time consuming. And then I got the job and instead of feeling relief, somehow I felt ready to crash and burn.

Taking a path that is different to most, is not easy. Being sure 24/7 of what you are doing and why you are doing it, is never possible. Add to that being too busy, worrying about money and not spending enough time giving thanks, giving praise and seeking peace, well, for me, it’s a recipe for disaster. Yesterday I began questioning every choice I was making, not relying on what I know the plan is, and instead trying, as a lowly, imperfect, sometimes incredibly selfish human who wants things to be easier & quicker than they are, to come up with a different plan.  I was making myself miserable!

I’m blessed that I sent off three emails before throwing myself into bed last night, one to Michelle, another to Fitzy and the final one to my friend who recently moved home to Australia. Michelle and Fitzy both reassured me I haven’t made these decisions without a great deal of prayer, thought and consideration and that it is obvious the plan is working [I did get the job afterall!] and what happens now will open the doors for the things which await. Oh how wonderful to be reminded! Why is it we so often forget? The reality is we need foundation, we need the right tools in order to get the job done!  My friend in Australia, whose given up a career and has gone back to school at age 28 said this:

“Why oh why is it so hard??? I must admit part of me is envious of people who just seem to ‘know’ that the job/relationship/town/city where they are is the right one for them. But I think I’d still rather be the way I am and the way you are too…..in a constant state of ‘not knowing”

And it hit me. This isn’t hard, in many ways it’s the privilege which comes from being honest with who you are and to having to rely on God for everything, yes everything! I occasionally hear from a childhood friend whose emails are packed with information about the marble tiles they’ve chosen [3 paragraphs filled with information!] and how they’ll never go on a vacation as they’d rather buy new furniture every year and how her shoe collection alone would buy them a two week cruise.  She will share that she doesn’t understand why I’d give up time for free to volunteer because I could work that evening each week and get money instead, she showed disgust when I said I was trying ever so hard to get the funds together to go to China to help a unique project which will basically set up a program to care for dying children. But why would you pay your own money to go help people, I think was the reply. In all honesty, we are in different worlds and that is OK. I think, what I’d forgotten is that people who’ve chosen a different path to me may have more stability, they may, to some people, seem more “together”, a nice house on an estate, working 9-5, with no desire to do anything different. That is okay for them, but it isn’t for me. It isn’t that I’m better it’s more that I hear a calling, I feel a need to act. That which is the desire of my heart is not easy, in fact, may I be honest and say it is very very difficult. Will there probably be many days over the next few weeks, months, and even years where I wish I was the type of person who could send emails about marble flooring? Maybe [of course it would have to be ethically sourced ;0)]. But I know it isn’t God’s plan for me.

I’m laying my foundation. One step at a time, with God and His grace towards me, hopefully forgiving me for my selfish times where I want to throw in the towel, and instead leading me somewhere all together more amazing than I could ever imagine or accomplish myself.

And practically, when one is really struggling. I suggest giving yourself a couple of hours off to hike and be with wild ponies. Several of them may run away from other hikers and instead walk towards you, they may even give you a cuddle. And you may just feel at peace, and remember to thank God for these small precious moments of calm during the storm, and the reminder that every storm has an ending.