Every now and then the beauty of what we learn through difficult circumstances hits me. I do allow myself to have challenging days whenever needed and I celebrate the joy, but the overarching theme is growth, acceptance and some sort much-needed steady faith in oneself.
Someone I look up to recently said to me the most important thing to remember is that at that moment you did the best that you could with the resources you had and oh how that has rung true. And it helped me see that really, that is all you can do, the best you can. No two people may make exactly the same choices, because no two people have exactly the same resources and options, but if you examine your heart, try not to react in emotion and keep your eye on what matters most, you can’t stir too far.
I’ve learned so much through this, through focusing on what I need to focus on and by keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’ve learned…
- Prayer transforms my heart and helps me breathe
- It takes a village, even a small one because of your own circumstances and your children’s needs, to raise children
- I have amazing supports, in particular 4 friends who do so so much for me
- Hugging my children is so precious and I’m holding on for dear life
- I can’t put too much expectation on someone who isn’t well, each visit will be different, each conversation can turn rapidly, expect it and remind yourself (and them) it is OK
- I had to figure out the support my child needs and not be scared to be resolute that you can’t compromise, at least not on some things.
- If I’m judged, I know that says more about them than me
- Choose my priorities, it may not be popular but is so needed. Through this I’ve had to provide much less support to my mother, I just haven’t been able to be emotionally invested or accept as much from her. Maybe that on the outside appears cold, but when you are trying to help your child survive and you have another child with huge emotional needs that needs you to be OK, you have to, have to let some things go.
- I’ve made much time for appointments lately and travelling to and fro, but it was the $3 swim at the local pool with my daugter that was what we both needed. So from now on, one evening a week we have our very own appointment together, an appointment that involves doing something special just the two of us!
- Sometimes I’ve had to choose between my children’s needs. However awful it feels, it is real life and I’m doing the best I can.
- Keeping a home organized helps so much with mental health and coping with having so much on my plate, but forgiving yourself when you aren’t on top of everything is essential.
- Caregiving is beautiful, but the toll it takes on a person can’t be minimized. In many ways, I’m just now beginning to find myself again and at some point I’m going to think about how to make sure I don’t allow myself to be lost.
- Just when you think you can’t possibly manage, 100+ people from the amazing place that is the internet sacrifice their own resources to help. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Yes, I feel like I’m coming back from the trauma that has encircled us. And its a good feeling because it will help me help my son even more!