I’ve been feeling a tad low lately. It would be easy to blame the pneumonia, but I think it is more likely a culmination of things, some of which I mentioned here. I sat down this afternoon and listed the things which are stressful at the moment:
Finances
Money is e.x.c.e.p.t.i.o.n.a.l.l.y tight. We have enough, but there is no room for extras {or emergencies!}. I received our house tax bill in the post on Friday and it is almost $200 a month higher than I was lead to believe. This is not good and means major cuts in the budget for us, a budget that doesn’t really have much wiggle room. In addition, I really feel we need an emergency fund and I need to begin preparing for car repairs as they will come. Finally, I’m worried about affording summer camps.
Children’s Special Needs
My son is facing quite a few hospital tests over the coming couple of weeks and I’ve been somewhat prepared by his Pediatric team that at the very least it is something. Not only are the tests stressful {during the last round he ran away from the hospital nurse and doctor!}, but facing the results on my own is very hard {they always ask me to bring someone, but I don’t have anyone to bring}. In addition, if they are what they suspect, it means some major stress for him and our family for the next little while.
My Mum
I won’t say too much in this space, but I want to help her emotionally, but it is very challenging.
Myself
My arthritis is terrible, I have a growth on my foot which makes it harder to walk, my pneumonia still causes many sleepless nights and I’m still experiencing some major bleeding issues {oh joy!}. The reality is, I think I’m quite tired and burned out.
Work
Again, I won’t say too much, but the reality is my children need me. We need each other and now more than ever I know that that means we need more time together. That’s all I can say on the topic.
So I came to see there are some things causing some real stress. Some of which I can’t change – I have to work, I can’t snap my fingers and make my son’s health challenges go away and $10K isn’t going to magically fall on my lap. What I can do is two fold, be thankful for the blessings we do have and try to get a plan together to get the variable spending as low as possible. This afternoon I sat down and worked out a plan for the next 3 months and went back to using jars to hold the cash I will use each month to pay for food, petrol and any additional costs. I think I’ve settled on:
Food
Monthly Allocation $240.00 = £150
This includes: three meals a day for three {one of whom has to eat a high-calorie diet equivalent to two people’s food} and cooking three dinners a week for my mum. It also includes all household products and pet food.
Petrol/Transportation
Monthly Allocation $150 = £93
This includes: driving to work and the children’s activities, as well as all public transport and parking. This sum is actually going to be challenging to stick to.
Everything Else?
Monthly Allocation $30 = £20
This includes: clothing, gifts, supplies etc!
I think I’m most worried about
- The petrol/transportation costs, especially with all the hospital appointments.
- The children’s birthdays {I’ve opted for a low-key affairs and never wanted to get into the “class party” thing, but want to make sure we do something small to mark the days}
- Birth sibling visits as they involve a 1.5 hour drive each way and while I try to encourage park visits etc, one does need to take other people’s needs into account, so it does mean meals out and visits to activities.
As for the children’s activities. I already paid for those in advance. The rest of the monthly pay will simply pay the mortgage and utilities, as well as the house tax.
It’s funny, I began this post feeling quite worried about it all, but just coming up with a plan, and knowing the visibility and accountability the jar system brings, has made me feel more motivated already; let’s hope it continues!
Praying for you, FT (and have been for a while). I know God will provide for you.
Also sending some virtual hugs your way.
xx
Thanks, Lora. So so kind.
I know that life is stressful and I feel for you. If you could, please send me your paypal address and I can send you $50. Or if you are in Canada just send me your email address and I will send you some e-money. Take care of those precious kids and their precious mom.
Thank you Connie. I will email you. That is such a blessing, thanks!
I’m wishing you well in this difficult time of your life. While I’m sure it’s difficult to see your mom struggling with emotional issues, it sounds like that may be a bit too much for you to take on–in general, but especially right now. You don’t mention what your mom is struggling with, but if she’s depressed, I highly recommend The Depression Cure by Stephen Ilardi, if your local library has it. Best of luck to you.
Thanks, Georgia. Much appreciated!
I was a single
I was a single parent for 17 years on a very low income and it always made me feel empowered to know how much we had and where it needed to go. Often the outgoings were bigger than the incomings, but somehow I managed, and I am sure you will too. You are doing a grand job and those two little people are very lucky to have you xx
Thank you Debbie for the great encouragement!!
Hi FT. Glad putting it all down on (virtual) paper helped. In terns of the Summer camp costs is there a church of community group that you could ask to sponsor the kids? I am in a community group where we run a classic car show each year and the money raised is distributed to help with the costs of things like camps. Or could you get the kids to help raise some of the money. Perhaps they could have a readathon and ask friends family neighbours, church members to sponsor them a certain amount for each book they read, eg 25 cents per book. Anyway take care and get some rest.
Good ideas! We don’t know many people here so I’m not sure that would work. Not sure about subsidies either, but certainly food for thought. The cheapest option I can find right now is $350/week per child. I don’t know how people do it!
Oh I’m just now seeing this post about your budget. I’m glad it helped you to make a plan. That always helps but when one is feeling tired and burned out any hill can seem like a huge mountain and your hills are certainly high enough! But as Debbie and others who’ve done it can attest, somehow it can be done. You seem to have a lot of folks rally around you though they don’t know you personally and that is a great thing right there…even we are willing to send you things. Often I find that is not the case. So you are especially blessed and perhaps it is because you have a big giving heart yourself.
In addition to Fiona’s suggestion, you could also contact Easter Seals which is taking applications right now in Ontario for summer camps. http://www.eastersealscamps.org/ I believe the YMCA or the YWCA or both also have camps where they sponsor a few children each summer to help families in need. Check them out!
I will keep you in my prayers. You are doing a great job with your kids. You are a true inspiration.
Thank you Julie. That is very kind!
{{{hugs}}} I am praying for you all. If you can retrieve my email from 2-3 weeks back, it contains a little gift for you. Otherwise, email me, and I’ll email you back. Blessings.
Thank you Mitty. I do plan to get through emails today!
I think you are doing an amazing job! Your little guys are loved and safe and you can be very proud of what you are doing! I have been reading silently on your blog for a long time and am amazed your strength. Could you please send me your PayPal details as well and I will send a little something for your little family! Kirsten x
That’s very very kind Kirsten. I plan to get through my emails today and will email you.
It would mean a lot to me…I will check if my profile has my email address visible but I’ll get it to you somehow! Kx
My email now shows in my Blogger profile and I am really looking forward to hearing from you when you have time! Kirsten x
Hugs and prayers for you. i think that you are an exceptional person facing a monumental task. It can be daunting. When you look at figures it can be so bleak. At least Februarry is the shortest month.
If it is any consolation I have goofed majorly. The last year has been expensive and I probably did not pay enough attention. So now I am forcing myself to save. At the end of the month I dump as much as I can in the account. However I did not allow for the length of time till the next lot of money hit the account. It has been the beginning of the school year and I underestimated that too. I am anxious for Thursday. Thankfully we are nearly there.
Oh Suzan I’m sorry to hear that. Two more sleeps until Thursday!
Only one now. The shopping list is written. God bless you and keep you.
Sorry to hear yiou are so low at the minute. I sent you an e mail – i hope you got it. You do such a good job. sorry you will be alone on rsults day – i have been there too and it si hard , but we are all here , thinking of you all and supporting you all. Would love to send a little birthday something for your two if that is ok ? If there is something specific you kow they need ( or want ) let me know . Hugs xxxxx
Thanks, Kellie! I plan to actually check email today! That is so kind of you!
Hi
I don’t comment very often but I read here daily and always look forward to new posts and often read through old ones. I’m an adoptive mom of two special needs boys thru foster care living in Nova Scotia. Here special needs adoptions are subsidized regardless of income. So we receive a monthly board rate to help with gas parking etc. Community services here also pays for the boys weekly speech therapy, their afo’s etc.
Anyway. I know how hard it is to carve out some me time as a parent, especially raising special needs kids. I’m also a knitter
and if you are comfortable with sending me your address thru email, I’d love to share some yarn with you (no acrylics, promise!)
I hope February is kinder on you than January has been. Hugs!
So nice to “meet” you!! Congratulations on your adoptions!
Ontario has just begun subsidies for adoption. If my children were adopted 10 months later than they were, because of the fact they are an older sibling group, both have special needs and my income, we would have qualified for $1000 a month subsidy. $2000 a month would have made a massive difference to our family – I could have worked part time (honestly I would have dropped to 2-3 days/week) and they could have had more therapies – speech and OT for starters.
Having said all of that, I’m glad they didn’t have to wait another 10 months to be adopted. We came together at the time we did for a reason. And I wouldnt’ have wanted to live that 10 months without them!
And thank you re: the wool! That would be lovely!!
FT, I so wish you could somehow retroactively qualify for this subsidy!! Could it be appealed somehow? I know you’ve probably explored that – I just so wish you could have it and it seems so unfair that you were just that little bit too early! After all, those ten months don’t change the reality of the need OR the magnitude of what you’re doing!
I’ve rarely commented but I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of years. You truly inspire me. I think what it is, is that there’s a sense of happiness and peace that pervades all your descriptions of your days, even when challenges are many. It’s something I’ve always felt in my life, too, but sometimes there is so little reflection of it in the world that I lose sight of it. And you always seem to re-direct me.
Now, the real reason I’m writing now – you mentioned bleeding issues – I’ve just finished going through something like that myself and, even all by itself (without pneumonia and two young children with special needs), it was exhausting and awful – and as a result of that experience and talking to other women, I’ve also come to believe that this is not a problem that doctors generally know how to deal with, or even care to – I’m dismayed to hear about how often women are just left to bleed without being offered any solutions or strategies or.. anything much! And it’s not like I’ve got any magic answers either, but I’ve done lots of research and I did find some things which worked for me and helped me to feel less exhausted. So, if you ever want to pick my brain re: the bleeding issue, please feel free to email.. or even just if you want someone to commiserate with!
And are you on a good iron supplement? FeraMax is really good, but a bit pricey. If it would help and if you aren’t on one, I’d be glad to get you some when I get mine. As women and mothers we have to look after each other, I think!
Sorry this comment is so lengthy! Ak!
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Hi Frugal Trenches, I’d just like to chime in with the others and tell you how much your blog has meant to me over the years. Your positive attitude continues to inspire me. My kids and I would love to put together a little care package for your children, if you are okay with that. I know that material things are besides the point, but perhaps you could keep them stashed for those moments when a little “extra” is needed. Please email me if that is appealing to you–I have some craft and scrapbooking stuff to spare and would love to share with such a lovely family. Take care and keep writing; you help others much more than you know! xx Jill
Really wish I could offer some practical support but sending a virtual hug & real prayers. Thinking of you all. Again, would be more than happy to post a little parcel of things that could help – perhaps
books or craft supplies ? X
i hope you are feeling better.we are sending prayers your way.i was raised by a single mother on a very tight income so i can relate a little bit to what you are going through.we still dont have alot of money but its not as tight as it was then. i couldnt do what youre doing.i think you are doing an amazing job.i cant wait to send a box of goodies.also we would like to send the kids birthday gifts.what reasonably priced items can we get them.i was looking at the postage for canada depending on where you are of course.i saw totals for like 45.00.if thats the case i will just send you 50.00 or whatever through paypal.no sense in giving the post office the money.we would rather give it to you.
.
wow, what a bunch of amazing, lovely, kind people! perks me up after a tough day amongst some not-so-kind people!
That they are – kindest people on the internet!
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Hello FT,
I also sent an email before Christmas offering a gift to your sweet ones. I will send it again and see if its possible through PayPal. Your cyber-sisters are with you and want to help.
I have news on my daughter that I want to share too, that only your blog and writing helped me to start investigations. A true inspiration. Thank you dear.
Blessings x
I hope your son makes it through his tests better this time. $200 dollars a month is not a little thing to have to budget for on your home. I would be majorly stressed and a bit upset with finding out I had been misled on that.
Having property taxes end up higher than predicted happened to us also. When we bought our house in 2009 all was well, but come January our mortgage was over $200 more than we expected. When I looked into it the explanation was that the mortgage co. keeps a separate account to keep your tax money in. They overcharge you for property taxes until there is enough money in that account to pay the next year’s taxes. After that year of paying extra our mortgage went back down and now, after 4 years, it is actually down to just the mortgage (there was enough extra in the taxes account to pay the year’s taxes). This may be what has happened to you, FT. If so, hopefully you can make it through until that tax account is full and you will eventually get the relief of it going down again. I’m not sure that is what happened, but it sounded familiar (and very sressful) when I read about it. Good luck with it either way! Jill
Oh I’m just now seeing this post about your budget. I’m glad it helped you to make a plan. That always helps but when one is feeling tired and burned out any hill can seem like a huge mountain and your hills are certainly high enough! But as Debbie and others who’ve done it can attest, somehow it can be done. You seem to have a lot of folks rally around you though they don’t know you personally and that is a great thing right there…even we are willing to send you things. Often I find that is not the case. So you are especially blessed and perhaps it is because you have a big giving heart yourself.
In addition to Fiona’s suggestion, you could also contact Easter Seals which is taking applications right now in Ontario for summer camps. http://www.eastersealscamps.org/ I believe the YMCA or the YWCA or both also have camps where they sponsor a few children each summer to help families in need. Check them out!
I don’t know if the Tim Horton’s camps were mentioned either.
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Hope things are okay with your son.