I mentioned earlier today that I would be back to give this month of nothing some time, some space to somehow articulate what I learned, and in the coming days, what we gained from the experience. I’m tired and one post has already vanished, so I hope I can do it justice.
On the one hand, I came to see more of what I already knew, you can live a good life in so many ways with little. I was more determined to find frugal ways to enjoy time with one another, so family games nights, nights reading by candle light and making use of the myriad of activities around us that are free, were all heightened. I was reminded time and time again that a rich and blessed life is less about money and more about time, gratitude and finding joy in simplicity. Yes, the month of nothing fermented what I already hold dear, but it taught me some new things too.
I came to see that you need money. There I said it. People seem to sit in two camps on this subject: the “need” being mixed up with excess, with money and stuff coming before time with family, or the other side, discounting the importance of money, saying that you can live a perfectly content life on next to nothing and all around glamorizing poverty in some way. I’ve probably been guilty of both in the past. I came to see, that many blogs you’ll read where people talk about the joy of frugal life, really can not be compared to forced frugality. Living on $40 a week grocery money may be fine if you have thousands in the bank to fall back on and don’t have any emergencies arise. But it isn’t as fun for a family that only has $40 a week and any emergencies that arise, anything from sickness to mandatory school trips, means less money for food. And if we leave our Western experiences behind, we know that poverty kills. I certainly saw that when volunteering overseas and in truth, you don’t even need to go that far. One only has to look at the difference in life expectancy between the rich and the poor to know that is true, no matter what your geography.
In our month of nothing, we contended with things outside of the norm happening: the engine light going on in my car {the car needed a minor service and more oil}, athletes foot for us all, pneumonia for me, a cold for my son, warts for two of us, a lost parking ticket for me which meant having to pay the “lost parking ticket fine of $25″ {making it the most expensive 30 minute parking for a medical appointment I’ve ever had}, my son needing a special high-calorie diet {though we didn’t find out about this until the last day of the month}, new trousers because my daughter outgrew all of hers overnight, plumbing help for a blocked drain and new medication for me. Many of these are typical mini-emergencies that families will face. All of these cost money in one form or another. And for a family really living on nothing, combined they could have led to children going hungry, or parents needing to prioritize who gets what medication. Thankfully, that is not our position. And, while deflating and worrying at times, it simply meant less to save from this experiment and a bit of creativity. As I was off work, I also delayed getting the car repaired because we could hibernate and/or walk most places.
Every now and then this 1 income earner, solo-parent {aka childcare costs on one income!}, two children with special needs gig, worries me. Not the amount of love needed, or the lack of sleep, or the educating, but the “what happens if a real emergency arrises”. And while saving is difficult in our situation, and in fact some weeks like the last one feels nigh on impossible, this month of nothing taught we while we need to continue to focus on simple living so we can give and live the values that are most important to us, we also need to have some rainy-day funds. We need that mini-emergency fund for sickness and car repairs, and we need that 9-12 month emergency fund incase I was jobless. I need to continue paying off that mortgage, which at times feels suffocating, but will eventually end. And more importantly, we need to continue to help, support and advocate for those truly facing a life like this. Not in a way that paint a life with less as something not worth living, but in a way in which we are helping policy makers to see the inequalities that exist, the support people need and that poverty is not a crime, but a circumstance almost anyone could find themselves in if one too many challenging situations arose.
It was a blessed month for us all. From trying lentils and rice, to going to feed the homeless twice, to taking a calculator around the grocery shops, we learned a lot and no doubt will continue to grow as a result of this challenge. In fact it is something I want to repeat, perhaps a couple of times a year. And there are things from this month we’ll carry with us each day. One thing is for certain, it really and truly wasn’t a month of “nothing”, but a month of significantly less. And that is most definitely a good thing.
Stay tuned for Part III.
How was your month?
excellent post! you are absolutely right. we do need money. all of us. some of us have more than others and it does make it easier then to try and live frugally so we can help others but i never see it as anything more than it is. a blessing. a blessing that i don’t usually live hand to mouth. it wasn’t always like that. i am blessed and so in turn, bless others.
one thing that can bless others, is when we look around us and try and help the single mothers around, especially those on very limited income. it can help to babysit, make a meal, give the mother a day of pampering or a coupon to help with day needs. i know many families that would absolutely love to have someone notice, and help. there are also plenty of seniors that need help too. i know you know all that….just speaking to the converted. thanks for all you do in your sphere of the world. x
I have so appreciated the perspective and honesty of your posts about this “month of nothing.” It couldn’t be more evident what a rich and loving life you are making for your family. My mom raised my brother and me on very little, and I know she struggled at times. She was always, always there for us (still is!), and most of my childhood memories are not of the worry, but of that love and strength. She also helped me learn how to live on a shoestring when necessary, and I’m grateful for that! Still, I wish she hadn’t had to have that worry. I wish it wasn’t quite so tough for single moms. Thank you for your comments on poverty, on circumstance, on policy. It’s an important conversation.
I did my sums for my January spending this weekend and was ecstatic to find I spent $200 less on groceries/eating out than I usually do – $200!!! I thought I was pretty frugal already but the month of nothing has proved to me that menu-planning, sticking to a budget and most importantly MINDFULNESS really can work in bringing my spending down even further. I feel immensely proud of myself and excited to see what other areas of my spending I can bring down. As you have so eloquently said FT, the month of nothing really wasn’t a month of nothing – it was a month of huge blessings and gratitude for the opportunity to spend less and learn more. Thank you for being such an inspiration. I often find myself thinking to myself: ‘What would FT do?’
Frankly I’m not sure how single parents do it. As single person, I have very little cushion as everything comes back to me. Sickness, injury = no paycheck. Add in two little ones (or even one!) and the situation can become precarious. You have a very open heart. More of that is needed in this world. I hope you are able to build a very solid cushion for your family.
Now I say this with the very best intentions so hopefully you will not take any offense. Please remember that helping others is wonderful but sometimes making sure oneself doesn’t need support is also a good thing. Think of the analogy of the oxygen mask. Make sure it is secure around you and the little ones first. This is not being selfish – you are still taking care of two very important people.
One further thought on the month of nothing – it has finally cemented two truisms for me – the first is the more I spend, the more I have to work. And the second is, the more I buy, the more I have to spend time cleaning and taking care of it. I have found both these really help to put things in perspective when I am tempted to buy something I really don’t need.
Money is a necessary evil. DH and are making this our year to get out of debt but our family also knows we can survive on spaghetti and rice and eggs and beans. You do what you have to do and it will be all right
When I left my husband I left some of my uncertainties behind. We never had enough and still don’t but the position is a little better in some ways. I can now plan ahead and make things work a little better. But money is necessary and I just try to make my resources stretch as far as I can.
I love you eloquence and the thought behind your post.
Just a frugal tip, in case it’s one you don’t know: for blocked drains, try pouring down the drain a half cup baking soda followed by a cup of white vinegar. Let the mixture bubble until it’s settled. Then pour a pot of boiling water down the drain. This has worked wonders for me! (And no nasty chemicals, either.)
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As you say, forced frugality isn’t pleasant, but aside from a few hiccups it sounds like your month was a good one and you’ve taught your children something valuable
I love this post. You made some really good points and it sounds like you have some good goals.
PS Don’t forget to email me re the scrapbooking stuff. feebegood@hotmail.com
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I really appreciate your thoughts in this post. The concepts of “enough” and “extra” get very tangled in our minds in this society. This may be one reason we tend to glamorize poverty or put a judgement on it (eg: they could get by if they only did x–x being something I’m not willing to do myself). I admire the way you were able to stick to this exercise tightly so that you and the children were able to learn and grow from it. I’m afraid my goal was more modest for the month: to make all the baked goods and breakfasts for the month. I did achieve it except for one purchase of English muffins which DH asked me to get. We had more medical excitement here this month, and he got worried that I was overtaxing myself–so sweet, so I went along with it and was then glad I did. I’m looking forward to reading the children’s thoughts on the month.
Mitty I think your husband is wise! And making baked goods and breakfasts is a great goal! There’s a season for everything and I think what you did was wonderful! Blessings!
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I loved reading each of your posts through the month of nothing. You are so right about needing money. I found myself that while I don’t think I need to spend much, I do need to buy certain things. The extras when it came to the food budget weren’t missed much but I knew I had the money if it were needed, which you described so well.