This post is a bit hard to write. I think because one of my greatest lessons as a mama is that each family is unique and their needs will vary greatly. I wouldn’t want anyone to read this and feel like they are less of a parent because they aren’t home educating, nor would I want anyone to read this and think home educating is right for every child in every season. So if we get both those out of the way, I guess I’ll just share my heart.
Home educating {a term I prefer, because I don’t think education should really be correlated with school; there are so many ways we learn!} is something that has always interested me. If our life had turned out differently, it is something I would definitely have done, but I never supposed in this life here, it would be possible {more on that later!}.
My reasons for becoming a home educating family:
- My children have significant educational gaps, I believe mostly from severe, chronic neglect. While they can both learn, if you don’t have the basics or an understanding of the building blocks to read (for example what sounds letters make) everything is so much more of a struggle.
- My children at 7 and 8 didn’t know what opposites or vowels were, they didn’t understand the concept of more or less, they had no clue what days of the weeks were, or months, or seasons. They had no clue what yesterday or tomorrow was (for my son everything was “long long years ago” (even if he was speaking about 1 minute previously – yes it led to some confusing situations! lol) .My son arrived at age 7 not knowing a single letter or number. Their ages meant that they aren’t receiving life based basics (what pre-school and kindergarten is based on) in their education because the expectation is that they have that already.
- The public (as in state schools for British readers) system won’t allow them to be with their developmental age and educationally appropriate grades because they have a policy children must be with age appropriate peers. This is despite psychologists, pediatricians and developmental pediatricians all saying not only are they developmentally more appropriate 1 grade lower (my daughter) and 2 grades lower (my son), those are the peers they identify with AND are the same physical size of. This means for my son he would most likely be unable to be mainstreamed {despite the fact he has above average IQ} and my daughter would be with peers she can’t relate to.
- Their small community school they attended last year was not giving them the support they needed. They had stopped accomplishing, or getting work done mostly because they could not process instruction {both have a processing disorder}. I came to see, while classes were smaller, the expectation was not flexible, or modified. And they were getting lost. My son was tuning out.
- Their community school was moving and increasing in fees {my mother had previously paid the fees} I could not afford even the before and after school fees on my income, so that was also quite simple.
- Both were no longer enjoying school. They began to once again feel stupid, like they couldn’t do it.
- I saw through the home educating I was doing at the weekends and through research on learning difficulties, that they needed so much more repititian then education was providing. They were learning what they were taught at home, not school because I was consistently presenting the same information in different ways and threading it into our lives.
- I found a math program {kumon} which worked for them, in particular for my daughter.
- The homework was not working for our family. It was being piled on because of what they couldn’t accomplish during the day and it was making tired, stressed-out, anxious children
- I saw during our two weeks of being sick before Christmas that my children were better behaved, more connected, less anxious and learning at a quicker pace when they were home. My son went from being a hurricane, to being calm 95% of the time. Most of his symptoms of some of his special needs disappeared.
- Our family is still very very new. My children spent 8 and 7 years without a forever family and with exceptionally negative influences and experiences. I began to see little signs that school effected attachment {lack of eye contact after a school day, anxious attachment about going to school, ignoring me in the presence of teachers}. Research tells us of the link between poor attachment and mental health problems (and children who are adopted over the age of 2 are higher risk, as are children with multiple families in their backgrounds and institutional care: my children were of the highest risk), and I became more and more resolute that they needed a safe, home-based life to help make up for the horrible, non-safe, chaotic life they had in the past.
- Probably because they are so new to the family, I saw some of the many negative influences school and peers gave. They were being exposed to triggers {children in the class using mock violence as fun games, for example saying “I’m going to choke you”} and they weren’t ready for that emotionally. They have suffered so much, they need a safe space emotionally.
- Everyone began telling me, some of which was off the record, that both educationally and emotionally, studies would show they would be better off home educated, if possible until High School (based on their educational needs, past trauma, delays etc.). When educational psychologists and educational social workers begin telling you what your gut has felt for a long time, you do sit up and listen, and feel peace.
- I love being with my children.
- I was confident I could teach them.
- I knew we had enough other activities in our life, and there were resources out there, that we could build a rich life {educationally and socially} while home educating.
- I came up with a plan to get my hours in at work in a different way and it was approved! And…
most importantly because I came to see more than anything else, with their level of trauma and emotional need, they needed to be home and to have a bit more cocooning because they have the rest of their lives to be independent, but that will only happen if those gaps are filled and wounded hearts are healed. And already, two weeks in, they are flourishing. They are loving learning. The lying, lack of eye-contact and anxiety has dissipated. They are able to try new things, they are building a better relationship with each other. And I think we all have peace.
And those are the reasons, for our little family, this is the right choice for now. I can’t say how long it will continue to be, because like all things, I want to be led by them. But for now, we are just where we need to be. And that brings me such hope!
Though I have to say, one of the things I never thought about was how to home educate when you are sick, lol, but you know, you just manage! And um, please excuse my very messy bathroom – the picture was just too cute not to share!
I think no matter what you have to do what is best for your children and yourself. My daughters best friends was brought into her forever family when she was 6. She was behind in everything and just didnt thrive at school, but when her mom decided that she would educate her at home she blossomed. I wont say she had a easy time but she had a better experience. She was educated at home all the way until highschool and is presently in college with my daughter(they are room mates this year in fact). She still struggles sometimes but she earned more than an education being home schooled she learned that her family loved her, security, freedom, consequences. She is a beautiful talented young lady who hopes to teach preschool.
I still remember when she realized that she wasnt going to have to leave there ever again. My friend had made one of those large stepping stones and the whole family put there handprints in the cement. It cemented them as a family they said and they didnt put it outside but put it in her room.
You will have tough days. But in the end you are making the best choices for your children and dont let anyone ever tell you differently
That’s a messy bathroom, it’s gorgeous! I was admiring your shower curtain and loved the picture it reminded me of my eldest son who took a book every where in and out of the house.
I agree with your assessment, home educating isn’t for everyone, it worked for my family as well.
My boys were at different stages than the school allowed. My eldest was off the charts in IQ and was bored in school. My youngest while very intelligent has trouble with Attention in class. When we first began, my youngest would tell people who asked him where he went to school that he was home schooled because he wasn’t smart enough for school. It broke my heart to hear him say that. By his teens he was being praised for being able to run a register at work better than anyone else and his one boss told him it was because he was home schooled (in his opinion). When he was able to figure out his then girlfriends homework (now his wife) he came home proud and realized he was never stupid.
I wish you all the luck with this endeavor, I think if any children needed the cocooning you mention, it would be your lovely two.
Is messy some sort of slang or regional thing, or was that a typo? I don’t get it, looks way nicer than my bathroom, that for sure.
So nice (and unusual) that your workplace was receptive towards a schedule change! What are you children doing when you do go into work?
good for you! I have 3 almost grown kids one of whom has many set backs n learning disabilities and there is not a day that goes by that I’m not kicking myself for not having home schooled or held my son back a year. Always listen to what your gut is telling you. I didn’t listen to mine and now it’s too late.
Wow. First of all I love that you’re able to do this for them!
I think we’ll discuss how to change that and make sure they’re getting enough input!
Second, you’ve given me something to think about. My friend has two foster children who were failing in school and going to be held back a grade at the beginning of this school year. Since I had already been approved to be their after school care we worked out an agreement with the state that I would home educate them for a semester and see if they could be caught up to grade level. They had many of the same delays that you mention, they couldn’t count (they’re 7 & 8), have limited vocabulary, couldn’t consistently identify colors/numbers/shapes/letters, could not read at all, etc. So I home educated them for all of last semester and they re-entered the local public school at the beginning of the year. Both have now been placed at grade level although they still are lacking in some “building blocks” type areas (no concept of geography, no idea of days/weeks/months, passage of time, etc.) Now the 7-year-old is making perfect grades (learning to read solved his academic struggles), and the 8 y/o is struggling in some areas but catching up fast.
The thing that you mentioned that stood out the most to me though, was that since going back to school we’ve had a HUGE resurgence in lying, defiant behaviors, distancing from Foster Mom, anger, etc. I wonder now if the loss of the all day constant contact/interaction with me and Foster Mom is what has caused the setback in behaviors.
I’m so happy that you are able to home educate, it just seems like the right thing for your family
And if that’s a messy bathroom, I hope you never see mine!
That is so exciting that you have been able to turn your work around to be able to accommodate your little ones and their education, well done! My son would truly have benefitted from being educated at home but i wasn’t smart enough to realise that then. All the best to you all
Judy xx
Time and time again I so wished I had kept my middle daughter (11 yrs) back a year from starting school, even now she could have benefited both socially and academically from starting Secondary school (middle school) a year later. Although she has made two good friends I worry that when they all get streamed into sets at the end of the school year she will be placed academically apart from her bright friends.
You are absolutely right to Home Educate your little one’s right now. In the U.K. where I live now it’s still an unknown explored area with very little support.
In the meantime I am plowing through the book you recommended, had meetings with her school (she is now receiving 1-1 once a week in English) and now moving towards a thorough Educational Psychological assessment. School has assured me that they will work with our Ed Psych and their recommendations. Our transition back to the U.K. has meant that the 4 moves in 4 years has unsettled her very Right brained emotional state. It has been well documented that Expats returning home can take usually between 18 months – 2 years (sometimes more) to settle and re-integrate. It will be interesting to see where we all with our babes 1 year from now.
In essence what I am trying to convey is, we do the best for them at the time, with the resources we have to hand, at that time…..
I admire your decisions to take this action right now.
Blessings.
You are so inspirational, as ever. So glad your work is being flexible.
As for the bathroom, mine looks like a tornado has just passed through ( just 2 little boys…). Love the photo
I think you are doing the perfect thing for your family.
Until I saw a friend undertake home schooling, I never thought it would be something I would consider. I realized I had a lot of false assumptions, one of which was that I would have to know everything! In fact, one of my friend’s favorite parts was learning along with her children.
I know you are insanely swamped, but if you can spare a minute to check your email, I would really appreciate it. I promise it’s the last few seconds of your time I need
Such a mindful and caring choice. Thanks for sharing your story!
Sounds like the right decision and your children will be so much the better for it!
I agree with the above – should I ever be blessed with children AND a bathroom as neat as yours at the same time, I will count myself very fortunate!
I homeschooled my kids for 4 years. People would say to me all the time “I could never do that” and I would say “you do what is right for your family at the time and if that is what your child needed you would make it work.” No one believed me but it is true! Everyone has a different situation and some times for some people home schooling is what is needed. I am so glad that you could make it work!
Sounds great! I’m curious about your work schedule because you’ve mentioned in the past working really long hours. How are you able to fit it all in? Also, when you are working away from home during school hours, how are you handling child care? I’d really like to hear more about this!
I am so happy that you are able to make home educating work for your family. It is something I have considered many times with my daughter. She is only in pre-K right now, but she wants to do “regular school and home school”. I think it is precious. I have this vision of just me and my little family nestled together, learning together, husband working from home. It’s a dream, but it is oh so pleasant. If ever homeschooling seemed best for our family I would not hesitate to do it. I’m not sure how good a teacher I would be, but I know we would make it work. You do what you have to do!
I have read your blog for such a long time but this is the first time that I have posted. Firstly, I love the way we homeschoolers justify our decision by saying it’s not for everyone – I have never heard a parent whose child goes to school say that school wasn’t for everyone
I homeschooled my children for primary school and they then went to high school. We only ever did 4 hours at the most daily and this included piano practice.
One thing that might help you if your son doesn’t enjoy Kumon, try the Golden Step Ahead books. You can get them from Amazon. They start at a very basic age, have stickers, are colourful, repetitious and have three books for each level. You could always repeat them if necessary. My kids did these then went onto Saxon Maths & a friend’s child did these then went onto Kumon. They are also much cheaper than Kumon. Just something to keep in mind for the future
I love hearing about your little family.
Oh, I should have also mentioned that my youngest taught herself to type using the online game Club Penguin. I can type so she knew where to put her fingers but she basically did it all herself by ‘talking’ to her peers from around the world while playing the games ( and I had a bit of time to myself
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I’m happy for you and the children that you have been able to find a work/home balance.