Recently I posted a picture of my little boy running through the snow in his snowsuit. It was taken after we spent a Sunday afternoon at a hiking trail enjoying a nice snow hike. If you look closely, you may be able to see his snowpants are grey and his coat is brown. And you may even see his blue shark hat on his head if you look really close 
!
How did he come to wear such an eclectic set? Well his coat is part of last year’s snowsuit. A size 6 that still more than fits him. But somewhere around mid-winter last year he outgrew the snowpants. We made it through last winter, but this year I knew we needed a new solution. People who read this blog know that we boycott shops that are involved in child labour or have unsafe and demeaning labour practices. We also try to not purchase items which will tear/wear easily (pretty much clothes from shops that have poor labour practices) and as much as possible I purchase second hand so we are helping the environment. The world is filled with so much stuff, so as little new we buy, the better.
So what I decided to do was to try to find a very good pair of second hand snowpants. Visiting a local second hand children’s store, I found an excellent (top) brand of lined snowpants that were a generous size (8) that would certainly last two seasons and any additional children, too. I believe the snowpants were $11 (a new snowsuit from a middle-range store would have cost me $69 and these top of the range snowpants (without a jacket) would actually have been $109 new – not that I would, or could, have paid that). In addition the woman who runs the shop told me that she would buy them back if we only needed them for one or two seasons because in her experience snowpants/jackets of that brand last 10+ years.
My son had no problem with the mismatch and had he we would have talked it through in a kind and gentle way, but the snowpants would stay. My daughter loved the snowpants. And I was secretly jealous they didn’t fit me ! The only person that had an issue with it was my mum, who promptly told my son that he can’t wear those snowpants and he needs a new set that match his coat because he will be teased by other kids if he wears those. He of course then came to tell me that Grandma told him I had to buy him a whole new snowsuit. I talked it through, asking him if those snowpants fit, whether they worked (keeping him warm and dry etc.) and then asked him why he would need a new pair and whether the colour mattered. We also talked about whether fear of other people’s reactions to our clothes/hair etc, should make us change what we are happy with about ourselves, and had a basic discussion about how we all have a certain amount of money and need to make sure it spreads to cover: clothes, food, our house, pet food, activities, petrol etc. He was once again fine and in fact both he and his sister so love the snow pants that I often hear her asking him if she can borrow them to wear with her coat! 
Yes, maybe most kids have snowpants that match their snow jackets, maybe the sight of something not matching makes other people uncomfortable, but in our family something that works, is frugal, doesn’t involve poor labour practices and keeps us warm and cosy, is gold star worthy!
Well said. To be warm dry and comfortable in high quality ski pants is more important than a fashionable matching outfit. It’s sad that so many people favour the latter.
Helen in France
Happy new year! My kids wear mismatched everything. Your children are fortunate to have such a wise, gentle, and kind mother. It is sad grandmother did not see this, too. Blessings to you!
Just a while ago, I was driving downtown, and once again I had to laugh at the women who were trying to walk on icy sidewalks and negotiating the snowbanks at crosswalks while wearing high heels. No matter what the weather, they insist on wearing short skirts and high heels, because they have to be “cute” more than anything else. Happy New Year from Nebraska, USA.
My daughter doesn’t like matching. It is funny really. My philosophy is she can wear what she likes as long as it is weather appropriate most of the time. I get to decide what she wears to church and I get final say for other events where you might need to be a bit dressier, like a birthday dinner or something. But now that I am back at work my MIL gets her dressed and every.single.morning it is a battle because my MIL wants her to wear a matching outfit and my daughter has her own sense of style. I told my MIL to just let her wear what she wants, but if she wants to battle with the world’s strongest willed 4 year old then I guess that is her choice. Her preschool director last year actually told me she thinks it is wonderful I let her choose her own clothes and she loved seeing what my daughter would come up with. Funny side note – I never once last year had to help my daughter get dressed, aside from maybe straightening a sock or doing up a button. She “needs” help almost all the time this year…hmmmm. Anyway, I say they are both neutrals so they match
At least that is my philosophy…but I am no fashionista by a long shot. And with kids, I defnitely feel function over fashion.
I always bought my boys snow pants in dark neutral colors such as black and grey so they would match whatever color coat they ended up with that year. It also helped to use them as hand-me-downs for the second child as I wouldn’t have to think about what coat to buy him if he would still be wearing it when he received the hand-me-down pants. Your mother sounds a lot like my grandmother was. It’s hard to parent when someone is telling your children that you are doing it wrong. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
I think it’s great you got some snow pants that fit him and that he’s happy with … I’m more astonished than anything at your mother’s reaction re: matching colours … what was she thinking? Honestly, there are enough problems in the world without making more up that are completely unnecessary … and what does it say about society to tell a child that they will be teased because they are not wearing matching coloured clothing? Her comment reminds me of a quote I heard in the film Bambi where Bambi’s mother says if you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all (something like that!). Keep doing what you are doing FT and ignore unhelpful responses … I hope you and your family have a great 2013 – sending much love x
Thanks Angela. I know at the heart of it my mum really just wants what she feels is best for us, but it is one of those situations where we have very fundamentally different ideas/thoughts/values about such things. I do feel for her as she grew up in the depths of poverty (think of Angela’s Ashes) so for her the thought her child and grandchildren have second hand things it very very distressing. The way I’ve worked the conversation is to explain that 99% of why I buy second hand is not financial related, it is because I don’t support poor labour practices, believe the world has enough stuff and want to help the environment and those in need (charity shops). At the heart of it we are just very different people and that is OK! I wouldn’t want everyone to be like me!
Happy New Year to you!!
Thanks FT! So much around money reflects past experiences doesn’t it? I know with my parents they put so much emphasis on things because they too had very impoverished childhoods … and yet, at the end of the day, relationships matter so much more than things. I was thinking as well that money is so value laden – how we spend it is so related to our values and yet many don’t stop and think enough about whether what they are spending represents what their values are and whether it’s the most appropriate thing to buy. I was reading a fabulous book from the library recently on this – highly recommend it – it’s called All the money in the world and it’s by Laura Vanderkam – see the info here: http://lauravanderkam.com/books/all-the-money-in-the-world/
By the way I think it’s great that you have found such a neat thrift store for your son’s stuff! I recently found a store in London that sells nice used clothes that are washed before they are put on sale and everything that is sold is in aid of the local womens shelter – I was so thrilled to find it and it’s going to be my go to place for clothing when I need something!
Thanks for the recommendation. Well done you on finding the store. I know that city quite well (originally I thought I’d end up there when I came back) and I didn’t know it existed either!!
I too am amazed at people’s lack of ability to connect what they buy and where they buy with their values. I suppose though, it is a sign of modern times and the disconnect between what we think and what we do. I have been guilty of that in the past, having children has made me stare it in the face.
Oh another book you might find a good read in your month of spending nothing is Not Buying It by Judith Levine – it’s her journey of not buying stuff for a whole year that she undertook a couple of years back – it’s so well written and very funny as well as she encounters wants versus needs and gives in to a few as the year progresses – and she writes very honestly about her emotional responses around things. I try to reread it at least once a year (I get it out of the library!) – it’s such a good book.
This reminds me of shopping for a winter jacket for my daughter when she was about your son’s age. She gravitated toward a very pretty jacket on the full price rack while I was busy selecting one in her size (also very pretty) from the discontinued colors on the 50% off rack. I agreed that her selection was very pretty and explained that we couldn’t afford it. The saleslady then put her oar in, saying in a very huffy and hostile voice, “Your daughter likes that color better”. She had such a nasty expression on her face, as if I were committing some heinous abuse by saving money. I replied rather ungraciously, “She may like that color better, but this is the one she’ll be wearing”. My daughter did enjoy the coat, forgetting the other one as soon as it was out of sight. I think I have often done this myself, thinking I “needed” and “had to have” something that caught my eye, but if I didn’t buy it, I couldn’t even remember it a few days later. Not getting a particular color has never ruined my life! Now that thrift shops are more common, I’ve been able to save much more and often get the better quality, as you say. I’m sorry your mom was undermining you, but it sounds as if you handled it beautifully.
I really dislike when shop assistants do that. I’ve had it happen very overly three times, two of which they actually told my children to tell me they wanted that. I was not best pleased, in my opinion it is very very wrong to do that to a child. Sorry you had that experience!
Wow! Doesn’t that say something about our culture when an adult’s viewpoint is overruled in front of their own child! This is so sad – it makes me realise how much harder it must be to own your own authority to parent these days.
Very much so. I will blog one day about the worst encounter we had, but oh my it is both sad that parents aren’t respected for their role and that people use children to get at you either to do what they want, or buy what they want you to buy etc. It makes it feel like children’s emotions are being played with.
Is it really true that people feel that snow ensembles should be matching?! And that they say that out loud? That is sort of amazing.
My sister is the sort who buys my children 27$ shirts (seriously). I think that’s a travesty but it is her money. When I took her to a mom 2 mom sale even she was pretty impressed that I could get 15 or so articles of clothing for the same amount.
One of my greatest scores was purple Columbia snow overalls in perfect condition for less than 5$!! I was nearly tempted to resell them for a profit on ebay, but since they were the size we needed and my daughter’s favorite color I kept them.
My offer still stands to pass our great finds on to your daughter when we are done with them:)
Mrs Smith, you are on my list to email today! Yes, I would very humbly but very very appreciatively accept!
Amazing isn’t it? 90% of my children’s things are second hand and I always get compliments from everyone but my mother. What I love is that people tell me they are dressed like children, not mini-adults. In my opinion that is how it should be.
Funnily, I would never purposely chose matching tops and bottoms. Co-ordinating or complementing – yes. Matchy matchy – no. I think greys, browns, navy, dark green etc all look great together. Head to toe matching reminds me of shell suits in the 80s! I buy a mix of new and secondhand for my daughter. I got her a very ‘posh’ looking coat from Ebay that really is gorgeous and was in immaculate condition. It was only a few pounds and yet she gets complimented on it all the time. Had the seller not thought to sell it, it may well have ended up in a landfill site – what a waste!
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