“The gloom of the world is but a shadow; behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. Take joy.” Fra Giovanni Giocondo
I’m learning, mostly from my children, about how we can control how we look at things, whether we see possibities, joy, hope and love, or only the deficites. I’m becoming more and more aware of how other people’s moods effect us. I comprehend now that good hydration and deep breaths can change a moment of anxiety to peace. And I’m desperate to hold onto that learning, not just for myself, but a I parent my wee ones. I want not only to be the calm and reassuring mother that my chidren need, but I also want to help them, not just now but in the future, as they come to terms with their past.
I am more aware than ever of how our mood changes depending on who we are around. That is not to say that we can’t accept people’s struggles, or offer sympathy, or commiseration, because the reality is we all go through rough seasons, times where we need extra support, a more gentle approach. But there is a difference between situations and continually wanting more, not being content, struggling to see joy. And I’m determined that my children see me strive (strive because I still have so far to go) to cope with stress with a healthy response, to see choosing joy modelled, as well as communication about feelings and apologies as often as needed. I’m trying to set a good example to my mum, because this has always been her challenge, though sadly she doesn’t see it. And though I have always felt empathy for her, it has opened the door to some good conversations with my children about choosing happiness, being thankful and seeing good.
This week I quietly parted ways with a music teacher who came highly recommended; I realized accolades and accomplishments mean nothing to me, what means something, what I want my children exposed to, is a gentle-spirit: calmness, kindness, compassion and understanding. And it felt so right to say “no” to those upcoming lessons. My children have already experienced pain, they have many disappointments to come, because life has them in abundance, they don’t need that now.
When I look at the above photo, our back-to-school dinner, I don’t see the paint stain on the table cloth, nor the flowers which won’t stand (they are propped). I don’t see the fact dinner was a little late (I was an over ambitious mama in the kitchen ). Nor do I see mix-matched pajamas. What I do see is love, colour, happiness and laughter. I take the joy from it all, thankfully my children do to!
I don’t see those flaws either, I see a lovely table waiting for a special guest.
I made a mistake with a music teacher (guitar) that I chose when my then 9 year old wanted to learn how to play. By the time I canceled the lessons my son had lost all interest in learning to play because her way was too regimented and there was no fun involved. He took lessons for nearly a year and was still practicing chords. My oldest son shortly after asked if he could have the guitar, his brother gave it to him with a sigh of relief. I had learned my lesson, I left my son to self teach himself (which was what he wanted). In no time he was playing songs he wanted to hear and play. To this day he still enjoys his guitars.
Attitude is so deeply imbedded in us and so influenced by others. A wise friend told me a few years ago that she had stepped away from the negative people in her life and that — obvious as it may seem — made a deep impression. But, when it’s your own family members, how do you step away? You can provide distance with a music teacher, but the situation is different when the negative person is mother, spouse, or adult child. If you do manage to be the joyful person in your children’s lives (and from what I read here, I believe you will), that may be the best gift you can ever give them.
An this post is one a reminder of why I read your blog. It is especially close to my heart now that I have a wee one of my own.
FT this is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing. I believe your little ones start school today? I hope they had a good first day.
I echo Diane’s comments. It is so important to be around people who warm your soul, are givers not takers, people who will cheer rather than criticize. When it comes to friends I believe less is more, less of the right kind than more of the wrong type.
I hope you all have a wonderful week together. Keep the negativity out and breathe.
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All I saw was the beauty of your table – must do something with my drab one when I finish the next assignment. Lots of loveley fabrics lurking in a pile to be sewn into something nice & cheerful
Good for you for taking the pressure off your child to accomplish something great musically! Joy in making music (or just listening to it) is such a wonderful thing, and it’s good for little ones to explore the arts in an easy-going way–paint on the tablecloth and all. Remember to be gentle with yourself too–there is no such thing as perfect in this life. I wish you could see my dining table–heck, I wish I could see it under the piles of projects! LOL
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