My children teach me perspective every day. They have a way about them that not only exudes joy, but focuses on happiness and thankfulness over the little things. And oh do they express gratitude, in abundance. Their prayers thank God for food and flowers and their family, paper and scissors and colouring pencils, oh my! Each meal is met with “thank you, Mama, for this lovely supper” and enthusiasm “look, avocado, ooooh, avocado. I love avocado”. And I sometimes look at their lives before this adoption and see all they experienced – abuse, neglect, trauma, broken attachments and abandonment and marvel at how they embrace the here and now, the positive, the joy. My daughter was eating dinner last night and told me she was so excited to go on her first vacation (courtesy of Grandma). My mind went to the vacations the family previous to me (not her birth family) took and she wasn’t included in – the vacations she waved them off on (siblings and all), while she stayed with a sitter. In fact, when I first asked her if she knew what a vacation was, she said “yes, you will go away with everyone else, leave me with a baby-sitter and bring me back a present. Mummy I will miss you, I don’t like vacations”. Oh how my heart ached for her, and my mum, an incredibly stoic woman (and Irish, northerner), cried her eyes out when she said something similar to her on the phone . And yet, even with all that sadness, her focus? Gratitude, excitement, joy. Maybe one day she will ask those very tough questions (rightly so!), somehow though, I think she will always find a way of finding the good. Last night, as I tucked my very tired girl into bed, she turned to me and said “Mama, I’m so happy vacations in this family are for me too! I waited my whole life for someone who wanted to take me on vacation. Thank you, Mama. I am so happy”. As I watched her eyes close, I felt God saying “choose joy, live it like them”. And I will, oh how I will.
Before motherhood, I held the hands of the dying, wiped the eyes of the weeping, kissed the untouchables and saw beauty in it all. Now, in my front room I live with the same type of learning, though perhaps I allowed the worry to overtake what I know. And what I know is this: there is beauty everywhere. In life, in death, in joy, in suffering, in good days and bad, in abundance and depletion. When I see: flowers, bright colours, animals, plants, books, art, smiles, patterns, grace, kindness, compassion and love, I see the beautiful, real heart transforming beauty – beauty not reliant on money, or excess, or perfection. When I hear: songs, laughter, chirps, gratitude and giggles – I feel love. Love which costs nothing to give, or receive. Love which has more impact than fame or fortune.
My children teach me perspective every. single. day. I may have changed their world by adopting them, but I have the feeling they will change the world. One positive, grace and gratitude filled thought at a time.
FT that is beautiful. I’m so very happy for you.
Thank you, Maria. I appreciate every comment, but especially the ones when I post about my chidren. It feels less like I’m putting them ‘out there” with the unknown reading about their lives!
I’m not sure I can properly convey how incredibly sad I was at your description of the incredible unfairness to your little girl. It’s touching that she’s retained so much love and gratitude, and I hope you have the most wonderful, fun-filled, and healing vacation together.
I’m so glad your children got to keep you. The world can be a sad place, but there’s this amazing light in children that, if given half a chance, light up our world.
I hope you all have a wonderful vacation! I look forward to hearing how your daughter feels about vacations, after the fact!
It’s hard to believe that someone could leave one child behind like that . . . and think that bringing a present would make up for it. What reason could there possibly be ? ? ? I’m glad all of you are getting a vacation together.
Oh my, yes, that is beautiful, FT. Very moving. An what an awesome pespective to have. Have a wonderful vacation!
can I just say how much I love your blog and am so glad you are posting again! I have inherited sorta(babysit them 4 days a week and some weekends for my mom who has guardianship over them for now) my 2 nephews and 1 neice add that to my own 3 and that is 6 children. My 2 nephews have behavior issues and they have aquired terrible habits and manners. It has been a very long 5 months since this all came about and has totally set our lives upside down at times. But I am trying my best to be as positive about it as possible. My children aren’t adjusting well to the change as they are used to having mommy all to themselves which at 16,14, and 12 I had hoped for better from them. It’s getting some better and I just love reading your blog and knowing I’m not the only one having issues sometimes and smacked back to reality with your so sweet disposition about it all. Thank you! I hope you all have a blast on your vacation!
When I say babysit I mean they are here from 8 am till sometimes 10 pm and later.
so sometimes they just stay if they will be here the next day. I feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to get closer to them and help them through their heartbreak. Live is good and we should all count our blessings
Your daughter has such a beautiful heart! I hope she loves her first vacation.
Your children are so precious
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Thank you for sharing their gratitude – this helps putting things into perspective for others as well!
Nicki
I hope things get better for you soon. Having your mum close by will be so awesome.
My mum grew up in a similar situation to your daughter, only no-one came to rescue her. She grew up thinking she was forgotten by love and that she wasn’t important enough to be included. But she found God when she was older, and there were many years figuring out love had not forgotten her. In fact, love was a choice she could make too.
So when I see formerly abandoned children say, they’ve waited their whole life for someone to recognise them, it breaks my heart. It truly does. Because I know children who waited and grew up waiting still.
It’s heartening to read a different story. Thank you for sharing and for caring that love fills the heart of children. I hope she enjoys her vacation.
What a huge amount of grace you bring to them and they to you. Blessings.
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FT I’ve just read through the last couple of weeks and am now commenting on the latest posts. I love this one, I love your family, your style and the life you’ve built. You are very special and unique.
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It is a beautiful story.. I cried for your daughter when I read her words… at the beginning about vacation and again, at the end what she said after you took her on a vacation..
Thanks for sharing it FT! You are a beautiful person and so are your kids!
>>Love which costs nothing to give, or receive. Love which has more impact than fame or fortune.
How true!!