Today was one of those days, in fact I sat crying at my desk (totally ridiculous, I know). And instead of focusing on trying to find something good, my mind was on:
- The difficult morning I had with my daughter {when running late in the morning, I need to have more patience}, she is so sweet, but in a world of her own singing etc. instead of staying on task! A nice “challenge” in the grand scheme of things
- I was feeling a bit, well, disgruntled about my friends visit – my issue really, but the cumulation of seeing my bank balance, finding there is no tahini left (something which usually lasts 2 months disappeared in a week!) and an email from her with nary a thank you just kind of pushed me over the edge.
- My landlord deciding he and his wife will be moving into the condo I rent from them on December 1st, this means we have to move, again.
- Some ongoing bleeding and dental issues I’m a tad nervous to get to the bottom of.
- Missing my daughter’s OT assessment – lets just say yesterday was a challenging day too!
- My children’s daycare increasing the fees from $25/day including lunch, to $35 a day per child excluding lunch, with no notice! At this rate I can’t actually afford to work!
- A home that is an absolute tip – one more lesson from having a house guest, everyone has different ideas as to what is acceptable to them.
- Frustration at my children’s previous families who did nothing to help them academically or socially, oh it makes my blood boil!
And why was I crying at my desk? The stupidest, silliest reason. We had a team lunch and I couldn’t afford to go. How utterly ridiculous! I think I was most concerned that it will seem I’m not a team player, when I would have loved to go {the food looked delicious and the company would have been great}, but it was an expensive restaurant and while I got away with attending once and not ordering food, I won’t again. I looked at the $30 in my wallet and knew we need petrol, some source of protein and my son prescriptions filled. Let me be clear, $30 won’t do all of that, but it will get us closer. And some days, closer is all I can focus on. So, I had a bit of a cry {after I saw everyone leave together} and got on with my day. I soon realized a headache was looming and decided to cancel our planned evening errands and instead just head home, which brings me to my gratitude list.
- I’m thankful for hot showers, immediately upon arriving home (after a hot hour in the car picking up the children from daycare in wicked traffic) I got in and within minutes felt better
- I’m thankful for caffeine, another quick relief for my head
- I’m thankful for the $30 in my wallet – enough to pay for 2/3rd a tank of petrol!
- I’m thankful for easy dinners – rice, stir-fry broccoli and cabbage and peaches
- I’m thankful I know the joy of simple living!
- I’m thankful for good radio – CBC Radio 1 – I love you!
- I’m thankful my mum will soon be here {though this week she is having some major doubts about the move…}
- I’m thankful for the peaches gifted from a friend
- I’m thankful for the sunflower on the mantle – it is bringing me so much joy and despite the massive size of its head, it isn’t flopping over!
- I’m thankful for the very gracious and kind OT who accepted my apology and is re-booking us for another appointment soon
- I’m thankful that when I’m struggling to hear God’s voice in the hard moments, I am comfortable just saying “I know you are there, God, thank you”.
- I’m thankful for the blog of a single adoptive mother through adoption, which isn’t all sunshine & roses and shares some challenging things too. I went to it today simply to remind myself of the beauty in struggles.
- I’m thankful for my two precious children. Life may be challenging at times, we may be dealing with a plethora of special needs and a tough season financially, but they really are my life, my joy, my sunshine.
I feel happier already! I hope, even if you are having a hard day, you can see good things too!
This post reminded me so much of the ‘strength training’ my daughter went through with two little boys on her own…a lot of which she didn’t even tell me about until later, because she thought she had to shoulder it all on her own. I wanted to help…I still do!
Sometimes a good cry is just what’s needed. Praying for you through your challenges!
I was raised by a single mum with the love of God. I used to get teased a lot by others in the community that had more family and possessions than us. I was grateful recently, when I realised through all that suffering, it made me see how God can cut through nonesense and bring about change and real beauty.
The kind of change God brings about, is getting you past despair and the obvious, to inhabit a new world of beauty.
While you face not knowing where you may live next, I believe this is what your children need to experience – as they have constantly changed families when it came to changing homes. This time however, you all get to experience it as a family that stays togehter.
Make that example count by calling on God as much as you need. Let them see your loving strength, as they will undoubtedly have some large obstacles to encounter in their lives. As I said in the very beginning – I was raised by a single mum with the love of God. The thing she got right, despite all that went wrong (and her humaness) is teaching me what God can do despite the odds which came against us.
That is my rock to this very day. Money came and went, but God stayed.
I’m sorry to hear about your struggles and worries. But you face them with such grace and gratitude! I hope things become easier and for a financial blessing for you (hey, I could use one too
!). Keep your spirit up! I know it is hard, but your vulnerability is so refreshing!
Chris gives some good advice
Hugs.xx
I know you already know this, but you will manage, and it will get better. It’s just nice to have someone remind us once in a while. You’re doing a good job, and God will provide. I hope that all of your troubles will somehow turn inside out and become blessings.
Thankyou for your lovely quality to find the things to be thankful for. A humble reminder that there is always a little brightness in every day.
I am praying for you and your little family. Thanks for your honesty -it is inspiring. My husband just resigned from his position, due to stress, so we too will be living on very little soon. My comfort is that God is always on the side of the poor. It means so much to pray “give us this day our daily bread”, when you know how precious it is.
I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and would just like to say that I find you truly inspirational. You’re doing a great job
Sending you a huge hug. Some days are so challenging especially with kids with special needs – they need so much more time and patience and we are not perfect and can’t be perfect all of the time. Can the children help tidy ? We do a tidy up game and my older 2 have to help by bringing washing down and putting their clean clothes away. My oh works away so I am usually on my own. I try and tackle one room at a time , then even if the rest is a mess that one room is peaceful. Sorry things are such a struggle financially – are there some swaps you could do? I noticed you buy a lot of exotic fruit – lovely but expensive for one or 2 things. Could you substitute more veg for a couple of weeks and save on the cost ? It will give you the same vitamins . Just a thought. There was a time when I was really poor , my son had cancer and I was a single parent . I found that happiness came from the time together and the small things – oh and lots of soup !!!!!!! Hope things get easier , feel free to e mail me if you need to blow off steam xx
Wow, Kellie, what a challenging situation you were in. I’m so sorry. Re: the veg, great idea! I have to say I usually buy fruit that is on sale and as for the pineapple, I’m often in a predicament because it helps with a heath condition for me. So I try to buy it once a month. But I am going to take your great advice and put it to use!
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FT you are so brave and strong! You live your life for others and sometimes it is ok to grieve what you miss. A big hug to you!
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