This weekend a dear friend arrives from the UK. She is a wonderful friend whom I have missed dearly and am thrilled to see again. In many ways she will be a huge help as she will help out with some childcare while I work. As her stay draws nearer and I hear about her travel plans and desires, I’ve been thinking about how to balance facilitating her trip, when I have my own very large responsibilities (my children) and limited budget. The reality is, now I’m a mother, especially to two children new to the family, with significant trauma in their backgrounds, I have no choice but to be able to admit our limitations/choices which are right for our family (in a gentle way).
So here is the truth, I’m thrilled to be able to host a dear friend, but the boundaries I will need to set for my own family are:
- We will need to continue to eat how we do, I will buy some foods I know she likes, like oatmeal (not something we eat) and I’ll make granola as she enjoys that as a snack, but on the whole our diet won’t change, both because it works for my children’s health (reducing hyperactivity and impulsivity, helps their digestive systems and aids in their gaining weight) and because solo parenting with a full-time ++ job means there is very little room for additional work!
- I will offer alternatives when I can, for example this friend doesn’t eat any raw or cold foods and is a pork chop with baked potato & steamed veggies 5 nights a week kind of eater. Obviously, our being vegetarian means there will be nights where we won’t be eating the same food (slowly I’ve been putting some change away to purchase her meat, I’ve got 2 free range chicken breasts, some organic pork and steak for her).
- We are thrilled she will be here and are so happy to have her stay and want her to enjoy the city, but we can’t accompany her to every most hardly any tourist attraction. Some (the free/minimal cost ones like: visiting the local beaches, hiking in our favourite park, volunteering at our local farm) will be fine, but many others like some of the major attractions we won’t be able to join her at because my children are still very scared of crowds (and highly stimulating activities like theme parks are not good for my son) and because we simply don’t have the money to. Purchasing three tickets to a major attraction (at $36 each) would provide my daughter with two physiotherapy sessions.The choice is simple. I’m also a very simple parent in terms of the activities I do with my children. We don’t frequent theme parks or indoor play places, or activities like lager tag etc. We hike, swim, bike, run, garden, make art, read, visit the library, listen to music & dance in the kitchen and generally just do simple things which are relaxing and keep my children calm and engaged. Our big treat is an art gallery or museum which we ALL love.
- We won’t be able to go on a vacation with her. Obviously she would like to see more of this great country and it would be wonderful to have a break, but we simply don’t have the money for it. I have strongly encouraged her to take a mini-break on her own, which she would like to do. I’ve researched a few options for her and am pretty confident she’ll be fine! She is ten years older than me, after all!
The old me would be seriously fretting about showing her a “good time”. The new me, who has to put my children’s needs first and knows we are stretched as is, is very happy to share our simple life, our food and home and is not embarrassed at what we can’t do. In fact, despite a quick panic when I found out my friend is only bringing $150 with her for a 3 week trip, I quickly settled into a feeling of: well, hiking, biking, gardening and swimming (our condo has a pool) costs nothing and she can choose what she wants to do with what she did bring; I’ll help her any way I can.
I have already learned one important thing which I would do differently. The next time someone tells me they’ve booked to visit, I will have to talk to them in advance about what we can and can’t do as a family. Thankfully this friend understands budget limitations (I hope!), but it is always good to make things crystal clear about the reality of our lovely, family life, which I have to say, I wouldn’t trade for anything. Just today I was thinking, even if we had an extra $500 + a month, I wouldn’t alter the types of activities we enjoy. I wouldn’t suddenly get theme park passes, or sign my children up for more activities. They now have such a wholesome, relaxed, literacy rich childhood, which is helping fill in the gaps from their previous families, and we all just love our lives.
How do you host guests on a budget? Any tips for me for the next three weeks?
You have such a level head on your shoulders – good on you for not going ga-ga and over the top with your friends visit. She will take you as she finds you – living your life your way. I hope the visit goes well and she appreciates what you do. Oh, and the major attraction tickets versus physio therapy sessions made me really realise what an awesome Mum you really are!
Cheers – Joolz
I would do as you are doing. Most everyone these days recognizes budget limitations. In fact she no doubt has them herself if she is bringing $150 for a 3 week stay! I can’t possibly figure out how she would take any kind of mini vacation while she is visiting. I am sure that you will all have a good time. For me the issue is always the extra food costs whether they are here for a short time or a long time. For example, if several relatives come in to town and are only here at a local hotel for one night as they journey onward, I usually find myself taking them to a meal and paying for it all even though the cost is beyond my budget. This is because I seldom get to see them and it is a lot easier than trying to cook something budget and preparation) under short notice. It is usually short notice these things happen and thankfully not too often despite my liking to “visit’. Have fun!
I think a friend will probably know you well enough to understand your priorities. Though I have a family member who has been known to show up for two weeks with a quarter in her pocket. If she didn’t like it when I’d say, “We can’t afford it,” it was really too bad.
Your friend is coming to see you, I’m sure she will happily fit in with your priorities. People are mch more important than whether you go to the tourist attractions or eat meat everyday. Have a great time.
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It sounds like you’ve been doing a great deal in preparation and nobody can argue with “it’s not within my budget”, particularly with 2 kids now!
Jane is right, your friend is coming to visit you, and has her own budget restrictions and being lavish was her intention she would have waited and saved for longer.
You will have a great time while you have it together
Well done too, your prep has been very thoughtful and considerate.
I totally understand how admission prices add up! We recently went to New Hampshire for a week. There are 6 of us. $15-$20 doesn’t seem like much for 1 person, but times 6 and that is $100-$120 to walk in the door somewhere! We splurged on a narrated cruise on Lake Champlaign and got a steal of a deal on a walking tour of Boston. Other than that we didn’t really pay money to do anything. Oh, except we toured the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream factory for $12 total for 6 people and that included huge samples at the end. Yum! You have to make the best choices for your family and if she only brought $150 for the whole trip then she understands budget limitations!
I had to laugh at an unintentional typo (and I don’t mean this to be nit-picky at all, just very amused), when you typed that you and your kids don’t do things like “lager tag.” I’m just trying to imagine how that would be played and why children would be playing it! (Picturing drunken adults wandering around tossing pints at each other.)
lol that is spellcheck for you! lol
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As for a mini vacation with $150 your friend could visit another city and try to use couchsurfing.org or helpx.
I’m a user (mainly host) of both and in peak tourist season we get up to 50 requests a week. Last night we had a lovely young French woman finishing up her 1 year of uni in Australia and couch surfing with us. And in a couple of days I have a couple helpx-ing with us, she’s a naturopath and he’s a handyman. So they get free accommodation and I get some skilled people to do some small odd jobs for me.
It’s a great budget travelling resource.
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