I have a lot of weaknesses! Seriously, they are nigh on impossible to count, they are that vast and wide! I’ve been reflecting today on why I feel so overwhelmed at the moment, part of it is being in a new country, having no car (although this is great 90% of the time, but today when it was over 100 and I was stuck 2 hours walk away from “home” with no bus, it was a tad tough!), not having my own place, needing a job, applying for jobs 24/7, trying to exercise and restore the equilibrium I lost, being separated from my family, no time in the countryside, the horrendous weather with no air conditioning (it was 124 inside today…), but the truth is none of those would be the real reason I’m overwhelmed. I’m overwhelmed because I often think, when it comes to hard things that I can’t do it. Take care of dying children, live in a tiny room in a city with no other westerners, be a street “angel” with the homeless all through the night handing out food, water, slippers etc, foster/adopt, be a hospital visitor and hold the hands of those dying alone - any of those I don’t view as hard, to me love just gets you through, it motivates you to keep going so you do, there is no other option but to just love. But when it comes to jobs, feeling qualified and thinking you are the “right person” well that, I 100% struggle with. The truth is I do not feel qualified, strong enough, knowledgeable enough, good enough to do any of them. Tonight as I’m prepping for my interview tomorrow, I read some of the “essential criteria”; I don’t meet many of the more specific criteria listed, so I have no clue why they decided to interview me, especially because theses are not the type of requirements you could just study for a few days and know, they require experience, teaching and time. Sure I have many of the other skills, I’ve managed change, written policies, facilitated training, lead in governance but could I tell you the particular policy for registration, no! Do I have the skills to hit the ground running, educate myself and lead effectively. Probably. Maybe.
Many friends have told me when they are job searching, they feel like they are the best candidate on the planet, that they have so much to offer, that the employer would be a “fool” not to hire them; they admit they go in to the interview certain they are the best even if they don’t have many of the skills/experiences required. I am 100% the opposite, tonight I’m thinking maybe someone else needs the job more than I do (and let me be clear I do need a job, as in yesterday). I think that maybe probably someone else would do a better job and so it should go to them. If I meet 90% of the criteria, I focus on the 10% I don’t know/have and hope they can find someone who meets it all. I guess in the end, I’m always rooting for the other guy, worried their needs may be greater than mine and asking God to look out for them too. If I see anyone else coming out of the interview or waiting to go in, I usually pray for them, asking the Lord to help them interview well and get the job if they need it most or comfort them if they are disappointed!
Is it a weakness or a strength? The truth is, I’m not so sure….I wish I had more confidence in my abilities, but I’d also hate to stop thinking of the other people.
So to the other 10 or so people being interviewed between Wednesday and Friday, prayers go out for you that you have a great interview and the job goes to the person who needs it most right now. And if any of those 10 people would pray I would gain a bit of confidence, I’d be very thankful indeed