I just returned from a long walk, through a field passed a 200 year old Hospital, which is stunning and beautiful; perhaps even more so as it’s gardens are filled to the brim with daffodils. It is cold, rainy and dark, for many this would be horrible weather, for me it never prevents a good walk and is often the time I do my best reflections. My High School English teacher always told me when it rains in a novel, it is often symbolism of an epiphanal moment, or realization. Today was certainly that.
Over the last two years, I’ve heard a lot of “I/you can’t”. I’ve heard it from friends, family, Pastors, Priests, acquaintances, strangers and pretty much almost everyone in my life. I’m amazed that so many people feel powerless, feel unable to do that which their heart desires and feel the need to discourage others as well. I’m amazed that people feel so weak and unable to make choices. I’m not sure if this is somewhat cultural, I think perhaps part of it is, but I also recognize this is probably, sadly, a human condition and one I know I’ve been guilty of in the past.
And what is it people think they can’t do? Well the answers are as varied as people (and by no means should everyone feel they are called to do all these things and yes rarely, but sometimes, there are barriers we can’t remove) but my friend’s and family can’t list include: owning a dog, volunteering, fostering, adoption, eating healthy, giving to charity, moving, changing jobs, re-training, exercising, cooking, finding something to be thankful for, reading the newspaper, reading a book, going to the countryside, exploring a new city, caring for a loved one who is sick, working part-time, getting in control of one’s finances and the list goes on. A friend of mine recently said through tears to me that she wants to read a paper, but she can’t because she simply isn’t educated enough.
I believe when we say we can’t do something we disable ourselves. We allow fear of failure to ruin our choices, we actually stop making any choices at all and instead let life pass us by. I am not a natural risk taker, I am not like people who climb mountains or deep-sea dive. I do have fears, a lot of them. One month ago I attended an interview and didn’t get it, almost all my friends and family told me to head home, to not attend the interview for the second position because I won’t get that post either. Well, I did. After that many family members told me I should decline the position as I would never find somewhere to live. Well, I did. Close friends and family told me to get the cat put down when she was attacked, they felt I couldn’t spend two weeks caring for her 24/7. Well, I did and as of today all her stitches were taken out and she is eating, on her own again. She did it, in her time, but she refused to give up.
I do not believe we can do everything we desire in the timing we want and I do know there are significant barriers at times to do the things we feel called to do. I know, first-hand, these things are not always easy, if they were I’d currently have four chickens, 4-5 rescue dogs & cats, a small-holding and a large family! 
Currently that is not realistic, but it doesn’t mean it will always be that way, it doesn’t mean I can’t do it, it just means right now is not that season but instead a season of preparing for that life and for what lies ahead. Friends tell me they “can’t” own a dog because they’ll always have to work full-time because they need money. They fail to see how we choose to live today shapes our future. If you really and truly want a dog and want to work part-time, then maybe spending £200 on a cleaning lady each month, £200 a month on clothes and £100 at the beauty salon each month is what is preventing you from having the life which you desire. Maybe *owning* your choice instead of saying you can’t, would get you further. And yes I’m well aware that most of us work full time due to necessities not luxuries!
I believe the Lord put very clear desires into my heart, they are not desires to be wealthy, make money on the stock market or retire at 40 or 50, they are not desires to own a big home or a luxury vehicle. My desires are to care for orphans, to work hard and be a good steward of resources. My desires are to give to others, to care about people and animals, to be an honorable employee with a cheerful heart and soul both professionally and personally. My desires are to live my faith, fully and firmly even when it is the exception to the norm. My desires include motherhood, caring for animals and being content with whatever season I’m in. My desires are to know there are very few things you can’t do and many things you can do! And when I need reminding of just how much we can accomplish by making purposeful choices I repeat this verse:
I can do anything through Him who gives me strength Philippians 4:13
And I’m pretty sure you can to! And on that note I want to thank all my blog friends and readers for being a constant source of encouragement, for telling me I can, celebrating my moments of joy and providing support during the downtimes. You are, in truth, incredible, each and every one of you! Thank you!
And what is it that you “can” do?
I so enjoy reading your blog, your outlook is so refreshing. In April I will be changing job, a real answer to prayer. It will mean less money, but regular hours. I’m so looking forward though to having the time to cook and grow veg etc. I’m looking forward to reading about your new plans.
This made me cry, you are very wise and really challenge me to think about making a better impact in this world and both dreaming bigger and working harder at helping others. I know I can do these things but maybe only realized it after reading this. Thank you!!!!!
oh I needed this today- my “I can’t” this week has been- I can’t write this paper; but I can and I will; now I have had the necessary kick on the backside to sit down and face it!
This morning I also had my passport out and a took a moment to look at my visa for Canada and remember how excited I was to get it, how many times it seemed that we would not make it and would have to give up and move home. You are so right that we have to own our choices, thanks again for the reminder.
When I was 25 I moved cross-country to a new city, where I didn’t know anyone, or have a job, or a place to live. SO many people told me they could never do that, and I resolved to keep the words “can’t” and “could never” out of my vocabulary. I fail sometimes, but I do try!
“A life lived in fear is a life half lived”
Yay for kitty being better!
Cheers
Judy
I can choose to be happy despite everything I have been through and despite the fact that I will never be able to remarry and I can choose to live a less stressful life by giving my cares to my God. Cherrie
ach its other people that bring up my can’ts! I can’t change them!!! drives me nuts…. I can change….. how I respond to them? hmm. I can change other things around it….. I do always prefer to own the choice. I ‘wont’ rather than I can’t or I don’t want to, or whatever…. But I can…. when it comes to something you really really want….. that’s when its really really excellent and good. I CAN! xx
beautiful post FT. as is your “april plans” one. this is a very transformative, forward-looking time for you! you make me remember that I CAN …
live on some semblance of a working farm
be a mama who knits, sews, bakes, cooks, grows and lives softly upon this great earth, regardless of what others are doing to it
not have credit card debt!!
own a home!!
best wishes for a happy move and settling-in! how very exciting!!
You are so right. My family are a group of “you cant” people. This is the main source of friction for us. I am a, “how hard can it be” kinda person and will give almost anything a go.
It really upsets them when I do what it was I set out to do.
I think they think I acheive my goals just to show them up. And they act as though I have attacked them.
But I keep hoping that through love and as an example I will motivate them to at least try and acheive their desires.
You do not fail if you do not reach your goal, but you do fail if you never try.
Lovely, lovely post. So true. I believe you have found the wisdom that so many people don’t find until much later in life.
I am limited by health and that can be very frustrating at times. However, through that I have learned some things that I can do. For years now I have been able to be at home full-time, versus working out of the home.
My husband makes a modest income, and the key to that has been frugality. I have time to research and time to be mindful of our finances, as well as time to do frugal tasks as my health allows. Time is often more valuable than money! Yes, we have our tough times. There are many things I don’t desire or even attempt to save for (things that I consider luxuries and many people consider “needs”). We don’t have every necessity, but we have most of our needs met and even some wants, what a blessing! The interesting thing is that I know no one that is living on one income like we are. I am surrounded by many who live on 2 incomes and still barely make it.
So yes, I would agree, that one can do just about anything they desire to do if they put their mind and heart to it.
May I ask that when you get settled that perhaps you’ll do a Q & A post? I’ve asked a few questions in the recent past and would love to hear more. I’m sure you’ve been so busy (understandably) and have not been able to answer comment questions.
All the best to you.
Lyn
I’m sorry if I missed your questions! Please feel free to ask them again and I’ll do it this weekend!!
You are a dear, however I know you are extra busy right now so I will write them down and ask you once you move and settle a bit. I would feel better about not taking any extra time from you right now. I promise to come back and ask later. Thank you.
I agree totally and I know we’ve had debates about this in the past… you maybe can’t do what you want right now, but nothing stops you from doing right now things that will help you achieve the end goal.
I hope the move goes well my friend and look forward to reading all about your journey..
x
I just read about what you are up to this weekend, that is awesome!!!!
I can’t remember any debates….! lol
I am very much an “I can” person, but today I’m having an “I can’t” day and this post comes just when I needed it. I’m on a grad student budget, just had to put a new transmission in my car two weeks ago, and today my water heater blew up. I have an emergency fund, but this is seriously depleting it. However, I’m grateful I built one up before I started school!
I can, I can, I can…. (deep breath and a prayer) – thank you FT!!!! Have a very Happy Easter on Sunday!
Your words are always so encouraging and inspiring. Im at a cross roads and cant decide what needs to change, only that I feel a pull to change my life. Seeing you put your dreams in to plans and into action is very helpful.
I love reading your posts too! Great news about your job and hearing that everything is coming together for you. A few years back, I got fed up with hearing myself saying “I can’t understand Maths and feel defeated by it” and so enrolled on the GCSE course at my local college…got a B!
I’ve stopped saying “I can’t because…..” and started thinking “actually, why not, go for it, give it a try!”
A few tears here after reading your post. I am so thankful I stopped by today, your post sums up so much I am thinking and working through lately. Thanks for the inspiration and little nudge….Blessings, Heather
This is a great post FT. I was trying (badly) to explain self fulfilling prophecy to my eldest this morning – quite a challenge considering his language difficulties! He starts some mornings announcing he is ‘going to have a bad day’ and I was explaining the benefits of being more positive to him.
And this post has compounded my thinking and given me an alternative to discuss with him. No more can’t….lots more can.
And I need to apply this to myself also
Pingback: Must Get Things Done Monday – Saturday Edition « Notes From The Frugal Trenches – A Downshifting Journey
Yet another great, thought-provoking post. I needed this one; I say “I can’t” quite often…
Being an “I can” person is a job in it’s self sometimes isn’t it? I’m surrounded by negatives too.
I often hear: You do too much. You’re so busy. You need to take a break.
Why? Because I choose to not simply go to work and come home. Because I set goals for myself?
I can be so frustrating…
I’m proud of you for sticking to your goals.