“Let your heart feel for the afflictions and distress of everyone” George Washington
Today is international women’s day - a day where throughout the world there are different events to both celebrate women and highlight the unique challenges we face. While each IWD has a theme, for me today I’m spending time in prayer and thought about the abuse women face. I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot as of late, it started with a friend who is training to be a Minister posting about why domestic abuse is just as prevalent as ever. The same day I was thinking about her question, I sat in the Dr’s office, knitting [of course!] and heard mothers telling their daughters to shut up, making comments that they couldn’t do anything right. Later that day as I was shopping and heard a father shouting similar things to his children. And it hit me, how do we teach what is safe behaviour to boys and girls when violent words and actions are “normal” from our young years, how is it wrong for a boyfriend or partner to say such things when parents do? If something is normal, when and how do we learn to see it as abnormal?
I have many friends who have been victims of domestic abuse and many friends who have no clue that they were or are. These friends come from all walks of life, from “normal” homes, wealthy homes, poor homes and anything in between! They have degrees, hold down jobs, are stay at home mums, older, younger and well they look like you or me.
So today, my hope for the women and men of today and tomorrow is that we all live a “normal” which is a life of kind words, gentleness, not attacking the person instead of challenging the behaviour. A normal which never includes reducing someone to tears, grabbing, punching, pushing, biting, kicking, sexually assaulting, burning or anything which leaves marks – physical or emotional. A normal where no one is stupid, worthless, ugly, selfish, frigid, or helpless. A normal where we acknowledge abuse isn’t just about the physical. A normal where telling someone to stop using harsh words, touching or hurting means they stop, or better yet, they never begin in the first place. A normal where a child never hears their mummy being told she is stupid and a world where a child never believes it of themselves. I have always believed that words either help or hinder; may every person reading this realize they are worth only words that help, may they realize that this alone is one huge step closer to protecting their children.
Such an important topic FT, I’m glad you’ve posted about it.
I have to say, as much as of an outrage it is that women suffer abuse at the hands of their partners, in a way what makes me just as angry (for different reasons) is how women can get so down on other women. I don’t know how to explain it, other than I’ve seen so much unnecessary backbiting, bitching, disrespecting etc. and often for no good reason. I’m not being very clear but I hopefully people know what I’m talking about. It just makes me so annoyed when I see it
So true Kat. I think we just have to stop making unkindness be normal. Sadly it is everywhere in the media, which doesn’t help and very “normal” in the work environment too. My last employer was a huge eye opener to me, I went into a new sector that is supposed to be “nice” and I’ve never in my life seen such bullying, unkindness, disrespect, agression. Inhumane in my opinion!
Thank you for raising this important topic. Some years ago I was the Domestic Violence Project Officer for a group of Churches. It was difficult to get the topic spoken about in ‘nice’ circles -until the women came to me privately and told me what they and their children were living with.
I would like to see us taking a firmer line on any kind of violence including the violence in our speech, TV and movies. We need to make violence in all its forms totally unacceptable, not entertaining!
Oh, I agree with this! Violence is celebrated everywhere in media it seems!
Very good points and sadly very true!
That always makes me so sad to see/hear parents talk to their kids that way, especially in public. I am certain that it can be exasperating getting your child to listen to you/behave/etc., but it still hurts my heart. Sometimes I just don’t think people are aware of the power of words at all! It’s such a shame!
It is such a shame, especially considering the damage it does!
This is such an important post and you are really right about the power of words! I don’t think most women know when they are in an emotionally abusive situation, it is just so sad!!! A husband calling you stupid or selfish etc is a form of abuse!!
I just knew you’d post about this!! Thank you!!
Yup, so true Kathryn, it is so sad because they don’t understand both the impact on themselves and their children and also where it can lead!
Such an important topic and day. Thank you!
That it is!
I always tried to tell my children what they COULD do when they were small (in a positive way). Instead of “Don’t do that”, “Don’t touch that” it was “Yes you CAN hold that item if you are careful with it” – particularly in a shop when children are continually told NOT to touch …. what are the adults doing? Picking things up!
Grrr …. surely if you tell a child what NOT to do, how on earth will he/she know WHAT they CAN do? Hope this makes sense!
That’s lovely Dancing! Such wisdom there!!
Thankyou so much for pointing out that there is more to abuse than fists and sex.
xx
Not to demean that! I think sexual abuse and physical abuse are horrible horrible and need to be ended, forever. But so often abuse is about putting someone down, consistently undermining them or manipulating them. It happens so much more often than people realise.
That was a longwinded way to say “thanks for this post”
lol!
I think it is very very sad that people don’t really understand what abuse is, especially in regard to emotional abuse!
I’m glad you made this post! And yes, so much of the violence and sexism we see is engendered and reflected by “milder” things we consider normal, like violent video games, misogynistic advertising, etc.
Absolutely. What makes me so sad is how unaware people are!
Amen to your wishes
Thanks Joyful!
As a parent I wish I could say hand on heart that I never ever use any negative language with my children, but this is real life and I am so far from perfect.
However I always strive to ensure that positivity wins out the majority of the time. I want my children to believe in themselves and to grow up with a set of values which very much includes kindness and respect for others.