Photo taken with my phone today – three flowers at someone else’s kitchen window. As I stood still watching I heard three birds singing.
Today, three people told me they were expecting a baby, for one it is the second (a bloggy friend – won’t link incase she doesn’t want to be outed!), the other the third (in 1.5 years!) and the last the fifth. I am so thankful for each of these precious lives. I’m also trying to find just the right words to support a friend, who through the journey of infertility not only suffered loss after loss but was recently given a very significant cancer diagnosis – the latest is the cancer has just spread all over the body. And then there is a friend (single) who is headed into very early menopause <40, who not only would need to meet someone and have him be the right man, but also conceive within the next year or so. Such a tough reality for her to face! [There are other ways just as powerful and just as wonderful to become a mother - but getting to the right place can take time, and especially in the UK, is not always easy]
Sometimes it feels like you need a lot more grace than you have or deserve, to say the right thing, to balance hope with realism and to not squeeze too hard; because what you want to believe is the tighter the hug the more chance their pain will go away. Oh what a world it would be if pain, sorrow and grief could evaporate into thin air with the treatment of one big bear hug. My arms would be sore in no time from continually providing such therapy, I’m sure yours would be too. In the meantime I’ll keep loving, keep praying, keep trying to find the right words and keep hoping for open doors – biological or non-biological, adoption or birth. All valid, all real, all magical.
Lots of love and cyber hugs for your friends going through their trials,
congratulations to your friend with the wonderful news they will be bringing new life into the world.
yes, loads and loads and loads of hugs!
I think knowing you are there for your friends will comfort your friends, sending a {{{HUG}}} to them as well
Gill in Canada
Thanks Gill!
I am terrible at finding the right words for friends in pain. But I believe that most people understand that their friends mean well and truly care.
I think sometimes there are no words, just empathy, love, hugs and feeling their pain for them!
Oh, my, how wonderful life is, and how sad at the same time…
AMEN!
Sometimes I read what you’ve written and I feel that you speak directly from my soul. I am so glad to have discovered your blog…
Such a contradiction…joy and sorrow all at once. Sometimes though it’s not the things we say to mend the sorrow but rather that we are there by there side available even in that silence that you wrote about so well earlier.
My thoughts and prayers are with your friends for both the joyous and the sorrowful moments. May you have the right words and motions to support them all in just the right manner….
So true Authentic, this joy and sorrow. Thank you!
I know how you feel about not having the right words and wishing you could help them find an instant solution. I’ve come to the point (through my own experience) of believing that a listening ear AND a hug are the best things we can give our friends in times of adversity. Just being allowed to talk and cry will often help them to work out a better solution than ever we can. Rev 21:3,4 Cherrie
So agreed Cherrie. So agreed.
hi there,
Thanks for your comments on my blog.You just have to get chooks honestly they are the best thing. Watching them, finding eggs, learning their different personalities. It has made my garden alive!! Its exciting to get up in the morning and see whether they have left us any presents.(Just like Santa) although sometimes the presents come later in the morning! Love to you and all the best Cherry
I can’t wait!
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I often find sorrow is filled with beauty, this post is one such example.
Very true M, I think we often learn beautiful things from sorrow!
I have a suspicion that you are always just the friend your friends need and you do far more than you realize.
Thank you Kathryn!
This post really touched me. I am a hospital chaplain, and I will tell you that people think they need to have the right words when someone about whom they care is going through something difficult. In fact, there are probably no right words – in the end people remember that you were there for them, that you cried with them, that you listened to them, that you hugged them. Believe it or not, those hugs really are magical. Scripture says to “bear one anothers’ burdens,” which I find to be a very physical expression. When you hug, it is though you are physically joining in bearing their burden.
Carol, I think you are very right, there are no real words just the action of love! I adore that piece of scripture
oh, i do know EXACTLY how you feel … as you know, been going through bit of a strange “low” phase myself … suspect it’s weather and … yeah, a lot of postponed hopes. but then i remember that everything happens for a reason when it does … and it gets a little easier to bear. also remember the suffering of others and realize how fortunate you are … not “better,” just fortunate. it’s hard … we’re only human, after all. help when you are fortunate and you will receive what you need in times of your own need, no matter how minimal you perceive it. be open to the flow in both directions and you’ll come out okay on the other end.
i know *just* … *just* … .how you feel, especially regarding motherhood. it’s hard to be a single mom and adopt here in the u.s., which is what i might just might be facing in the next decade if mr. darcy doesn’t show up at my doorstep ….
hope you’re feeling better but i think you already are judging from your other posts. productivity certainly does breed peace because it allows you to rest inside that feeling you’ve created. inside that empty space.
be well, friend.
HUGS!
Karen, thanks for your lovely comment. I know many singles in the US who’ve adopted so you’d be in good comany, here though it is very very rare. I think I read in the US it is about 25% – 30% of all adoptions (depending whether it is domestic or international) here is is less than 5% (some areas 1%). Let me know if you want any info!
It’s nice to know there is someone else out there in the same boat lol
Agreed with previous posters that the *right* words aren’t nearly as important as the fact that you’re there for them and they know it. Hugs and support are invaluable.
Thanks Revanche!