Lately I’ve been contemplating this for several friends and as I have a lot of experience in frugal living I’ve put together a list of what would be most helpful!
1. Really work on your attitude towards money and spending, if you want want want, buy buy buy that is only going to get worse once you are expecting or adopting as there is so much on the market, the majority of which you really don’t need. Spend as many months as you can before you begin the process defining need vs. want and seeing the joy of frugal living.
2. Get out of as much debt as you can. It may be easy to pay for credit cards or debt repayment now, but will it be easy when you are on one income or have childcare to pay for?
3. Get that emergency fund together, even just a few months income.
4. Look at what your maternity and adoption rights and pay will be. Depending on where you work it can vary greatly and I’m amazed at the number of people who’ve told me they assumed it would be 75-100% and found it to be under 50%
5. Look at what your expenses are and see if you can cope with them on one income or while on one income plus maternity/adoption pay and make sure you can afford childcare with your current spending. There is some government help for childcare but you can also do a lot to shave expenses, get out of debt etc.
6. Start an account to offset the costs you know you will have. If you estimate childcare will cost you £700 a month, or you will be earning 1/2 the amount you are now, then start putting that into an account now. This can be used towards adoption costs or infertility treatments, offsetting your maternity pay, purchasing baby items.
7. If you can, as much as possible, choose frugal and healthy alternatives such as breastfeeding, cloth nappying/diapering, making your own baby food etc.
8. Choose quality items, that does not mean the latest trend, but toys and baby equipment that will last.
9. Accept second-hand but be picky! I have read you should not have a second-hand crib or mattress or carseat (and there may be other items, so read what you can on safety!), so personally I would make sure I bought new good quality of all of those items which are just so important. But if you can get baby clothes, baby bag, stroller etc second-hand that may save you a lot of money! Check product re-call lists to make sure nothing you purchase is unsafe!
10. Don’t buy too many alternatives. I remember the months of baby holding where I would adore the 15 minutes break where the baby could be safely on a baby mat or high-chair (in full view) while I prepared dinner etc. Some people own loads of different places a baby can sit/stand etc, many of those are costly items your baby might not like and some are even banned, like baby walkers in Canada. Do your research, personally I wouldn’t want anything banned in any country in my home, nor would I want to spend hundreds on something my baby might not like! My cousin purchased a swing for £130 and found her son would not sit in it for 1 minute, what a waste! See if you can test out with friends or in a shop before you purchase!
11. Make a list of needs and when asked what you would like by grandparents or friends, be ready to offer reasonable gifts that you actually need. A friend once shared she had more 0-3 month old outfits than her child could wear before she outgrew them, so just be careful. I personally always found 10 outfits and 3 sleepers per age, was more than enough!
12. Think realistically about what social activities might cost. While many mother and toddler groups have minimal costs, some more specialized groups like baby gymnastics or parent and baby swimming might have a more significant cost. These can be a great gift idea for grandparents! Don’t forget library programs too, these can be free and absolutely fabulous. Where I lived before my library had a parent and baby reading program every single day, sadly my library in Devon only has 1 per week and if you aren’t there an hour before there is no room, so many of my friends are not able to participate!
13. Cost up childcare and insurance. Good quality childcare is essential, but that is not necessarily the most expensive!
14. Think realistically about work after the baby, many people assume they will go back full-time and then once their baby arrives they want to go back part-time. Get budgeting, looking at your finances and carefully think about what you really want to do. So many people assume they have to go back full-time, but if you look at your finances, look at childcare costs etc, many people find they actually can save money going back part-time rather than full-time. I remember seeing a fabulous program on finances and parenthood and it said the average family (with 2 children) was worse off by having two full-time workers when you weighed in the costs of a busy lifestyle – quick ready meals, eating out more frequently, spending quality time with you children in more expensive activities, childcare etc. No one knows what is right for you but you, but at least be honest with yourself and be as flexible as you can be!
15. Remember good parenting isn’t about money, it isn’t about buying all the latest and most trendy items. This is my favourite quote that I often share with friends
Your children need your presence more than your presents Jesse Jackson
The reality is growing your family will not cost the same for each family, some people will have infertility treatment costs, some adoption costs while others may not live in countries with free health care and find insurance doesn’t cover all their delivery costs. None of these suggestions will make the cost of growing your family equal to anyone else but it may go a long way to helping you have a happy family life! Does anyone else have any suggestions to add?
What a wonderful post! This is really timely for me as we think about starting a family and as I see (wealthier or more materialistic) friends and cousins inundated with baby paraphernalia. I hope other parents will way in with some frugal, simple, and green words of wisdom.
Yes, so much is not needed. I think there is such a balance approach needed, one where you know there needs to be something saved yet understand that that does not mean you need to be consumed with materialism or have thousands in the bank!
That’s excellent and very wise advice! It’s a very common misconception that you have to buy lots of things if you are expecting a baby. With my first child, I went overboard and bought everything that the books told me to and I was still worried that I didn’t have enough!! When my baby arrived, I realized just how much money I’d wasted.
My second child had only the very basic essentials which did not cost much money at all (due to circumstances I couldn’t hand down very many items at all). Both children are happy and healthy and I love spending time with them. Hopefully they will learn that you don’t have to spend lots of money to live a happy, fulfilling life!
So true Roz!
wise advice. especially about how much you need to buy new. also remember that babies grow very fast. but the thing is no one who hasn’t had a baby already will remember or believe this!
We have got most of our son’s stuff second hand from boot sales. except the buggy. which I advise – if you can – to buy a top quality one, second hand, as these hold their value and you can sell it on ebay!
So true, I’ve always found cheap pushchairs are an absolute waste of money and always hurt my back!
I started a family fund well in advance. I planned my savings by working out how much I would want to have to ‘top up’ my maternity pay each month, how much I would like to have to spend on equipment (plus a bit for maternity clothes) and a little bit to redecorate our spare room. Now I’m pregnant I am trying to save up some extra plus I’m putting whatever I can into an emergency fund!
A huge Congratulations Shoestring!
1. The used baby stuff market is huge. Save the earth and try not to buy new.
2. Don’t clip the tags and wash all your gifted clothing. Many moms regret not returning the smaller sizes for bigger ones. If you have too many outfits in one size, return and get a gift card and use it when you’re low on a bigger size.
3. Don’t go crazy buying used clothes too far in advance. You don’t know how big they will be (mine 10#’s..pretty much skipped 0-3), how fast they will grow, and what season your baby will be when they hit their next size. Best to start looking about a month before you think they’ll need the next size up.
4. As soon as you’re done with an item for good, re-sell it quickly. People will always buy the newer models first. If you wait til your kids are in school before you clean your attic, your stuff will be dated and you won’t get much cash for them when you resell.
5. Try to live on one income before you have baby. Many people just can’t bear to go back to work after their kids are born and end up learning the hard way on how to live on less.
6. Have a good laundry setup. If you don’t have a washer/dryer in your house, consider investing in one. If you’re washer is on it’s last let, you will kill it once you start doing laundry every day.
7. Buy a video camera and digital camera if you don’t have one. Take lots of video as they really do change very quickly.
Great points! Thanks for sharing!
This may be rather an indepth reply or go off tangent, but I do feel I need to share.
When I was 21 and not even engaged to my now husband I sat next to a Vicar at a wedding reception. I can’t recall how the conversation came about but he explained he was fed up of hearing how couples couldn’t afford children. He said that all that children need is love. I didn’t really think about our conversation until about 5 months later when me and my other half (having just purchased our first home ) found ourselves unexpectedly pregnant. I had just finished University and was about to start my career, my husband (then boyfriend) was still studying part time. My initial reaction was ‘we can’t afford this’.
But that Vicar was right. His words echoed around and around my head. And all children do need is love. If I had thought about the financials I wouldn’t have had any of my beautiful three children. 11 years on I am only just picking up my career and starting again. My husband and I have worked hard to give them a nice home but really at the core of it all has been a heap of love.
Incidentally I don’t have a strong faith – but that Vicar did come into my life for a reason I am sure (he also taught me how to get chocolate off a suit with cold water, another valuable lesson!!).
Gosh that feels like a bit of an outpouring – make of it what you will!
Anna thank you so much for sharing such wisdom and your story! How lovely the Vicar gave you life skills you’ll be able to pass onto your children!
What a great post, FT! And just in time for me, too. Not pregnant yet, but we’ve stopped actively preventing it, so we’ll see. I’m trying not to put too much pressure on the whole thing
The financial side of the decision is daunting but I really do believe that where there’s a will there’s a way. It’s just about prioritizing. In the US and in my area in particular, the biggest expense is childcare. It will definitely take some creativity to make it all happen but it will be worth it. I’m hoping to get help buying the bigger things that should be new, as you mentioned, and relying on second hand items for everything else. Babies truly do need very little in terms of material items.
Great post! All very useful info. We’re trying to do most of these but currently focused on #2!
I’m joining the chorus here, great post!
I bought most of my baby “equipment” secondhand from a girlfriend, including pram (your buggy), change table, beach tent, baby sling etc. Then I borrowed a stroller (that baby can go in once sitting up) and also bought the cots secondhand. Here in Oz the recommendation is that if you buy a secondhand cot, you purchase a new mattress. So my mum bought me two new cut-to-size foam mattresses – much cheaper than new cots!
My tips:
- look for a pram that can easily add on a toddler seat or toddler skateboard at the back, just in case your second comes faster than you expected
- look for a cot that converts to a bed. Ikea has a great simple version. It only lasts till about 5 but that’s still a long-lasting piece of furniture
- don’t forget unisex white/yellow/green/orange for as long as you can get away with it
Silly season greetings to everyone, and good luck to all those expecting their first bub!