Ever since I read this story about two children kicking & punching a 5 year old with cancer before spraying her with an aerosol can and attempting to set her alite, I have felt a heavy heart, a very heavy heart. I keep wondering what suffering those children must have been through to make them so pained, so hurt, so angry. For their suffering must be deep, very very deep. Similarly a local man with mental health problems set himself on fire and died. I pray his life was not one where he felt alone, where he had little love & care & attention, but people don’t normally set themselves on fire. He reminds me of my best friend, a wonderful, fabulous person & athlete, struck down in her late teens with severe mental illness, who in the 10 years since we finished A levels, has been in a secure facility, only ever able to be home for a month or so at a time when needs dictate she must return to a place no one should be. I look at the amazing paintings she sends me and I attempt to write encouraging letters in return, but it is so hard to tell someone how your heart hurts for them, how much you pray for them, when they think they are so unworthy. Mental illness is such a horrific horrific barrier to life, to living life.
And then I watched something from Sight Savers about children, mothers & fathers, unnecessarily losing their eye sight because there is no money for prevention and treatment. Not being able to see & work in countries without social support systems most often leads to starvation and death. Moments later I saw some videos from WWF about dogs being shot and monkeys tortured.
And then I found yet another stray cat, this one in much worse condition.
I ended yesterday evening hearing a rumor that a family whose blog I used to read is now homeless, this was a family who did amazing things – adopting, caring for the homeless, volunteering and now I wonder who is helping them and there is no way to contact them and all I can do is pray for them. And while I know that is everything, it doesn’t feel enough.
And I look at my bank balance and feel like it is trying to draw blood out of a stone to try to do more. And I try very hard to think nice things when I hear someone complain about having to sell their helicopter because having 3 kids is expensive, and I remember I am to love at all times and all people and I am no better, no less selfish, no less imperfect.
And a quiet tug pulls at my heart to forget about the things I want in life (motherhood, a teeny tiny homestead (1 or 2 rooms would be enough), a certain post-grad course) and perhaps instead do something else, like committing to go to China and care for dying children long term. And I wonder if it is possible to combine both or if doing one means saying goodbye to the other?
And I read quotes like this one
“The highest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity, choosing right over wrong, ethics over convenience, and truth over popularity. These are the choices that measure your life. Travel the path of integrity without looking back, for there is never a wrong time to do the right thing”
And I worry about why I so rarely do the right thing, I so rarely travel the path of integrity without looking back. I so rarely stop thinking if only I had £50,000, I could adopt and go to China and set up the program that is so desperately needed and yet professionals with the qualifications won’t go because it is unpaid.
But none of those thoughts are helpful, they immobilize instead of mobilize, they let discontentment sneak in when I need to be content, I should be content, I have a lot to be content about. I may not understand why there are such constraints, why it is so difficult at times to do the things you know are the right things, to understand why fear/anxiety/money gets in the way and to focus instead on seeing just how blessings can come when you least expect them.
“For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks the door will be opened” Luke 11:10
“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” Isaiah 40:31
So today my heart is heavy, very heavy, but I will keep focusing on faith. I know that through faith and faith alone mountains are moved, fear dissipates and blessings arrive. It is through belief in what people can do that people feel moved to give, to bless, to show love, to do hard things. So today I will admit I’m weary, but I pray tomorrow I will have renewed strength to run and not be weary, continue walking and not be faint.
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It’s really hard to keep the faith sometimes! I’ll pray for you to be encouraged. You are doing so much, so try not to worry that you can’t do it all. <3
This blog post brought me to tears. You are very special and if I had any money instead of just debts I would want to give it to you and see you use it to bless others because I don’t always have faith in charity but I already have faith in you. I am going to pray someone blesses you with a gift financially so that you can use that to help others. I know that is in no way why you posted this but it is the first prayer that came to mind as I read. You can do great things Frugal T and I will pray that you are blessed with things that open up those opportunities and challenges to you.
I agree with M above, I am moved more than you will ever know. You care so much about people, people who most people would simply walk passed without a thought, people who most people would never want to spend time with or give the time of day. There is something special about that, something sadly very few people really and truly want to hear about.
I too will pray that blessings come your way, that people feel moved to help you help others because you could do a lot.
Thank you for blogging. Thank you for being such an amazing inspiration to me and I am sure many others.
p.s. that story is truly terrible.
it’s very easy to feel like just one person, isn’t it? there is so much hurt and horror in our world it’s impossible to feel like we possibly could do any good – and that is freezing and immobilising, that sense of wretched helplessness/hopelessness…i think all we can do in those times is keep pressing forward, even if we only gain a milimetre for good. this is a battle we’re engaged in, and sometimes even the strongest soldiers get weary.
remember: “my soul finds rest in God alone…he alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, i shall never be shaken” (ps 62)
chin up! it’s always darkest before the dawn! (and other cliches :p and when they don’t work, snuggling with cats or dogs or drinking tea with those people who make you feel vibrantly alive and ready to take the world on again and win will help) xxx
I think that you need to follow your truth. Not anyone elses and not even what you think you ‘should’ think or feel. The world has many many horrible things happening in it. You alone cannot cannot solve the whole world’s problems. You are blessed – as we all are- that our lives do not involve some of the truly awful things that happen out there. And yet there is also marvellous wondrousness. I believe that focusing on the marvellous wondrousness is a good thing. Helping ofthers is important and very very good. But not to your own detriment. What is the point of that? Do what you can do. Maybe you will teach a hundred children that they too can help in the world, maybe you will teach hundreds of them this lesson. Maybe you can teach someone who has £50,000 and a deep desire to go to china to set up a scheme that will help hundreds of people there. Do what is within your realm. Act there. And personally, for what it is worth, I think it would be a shame for you to care for the dying when you seem to me to have a calling to teach living children. Take no heed of what I say though. But follow your own own path. xx blessings
Dear FT, You are doing so much. Do not feel that you have to heal all the ills in the universe, nor even all that you hear about. God does not expect that of any one of us. You are doing very much, and it is not unnoticed. But if you spend too much time confronting all that is wrong, you may weaken yourself for the work that you do, and are meant to do. I am not good at explaining this, but I understand it from personal experience. Do not despair, and do not follow a path that could even lead you near to despair. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and trusting……Spend time looking at what is good and letting it lighten your heart. Remember, “let not your heart be troubled.”
That is so hard to do sometimes, and I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to hear you speak of tragedy if that is on your mind. But I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed. It isn’t what God has in mind for you, for sure……….
If “hope is the thing with feathers”, make a little bird nest in your heart.
Such horrible stories. It is things such as these which show us something is seriously wrong with our society & its values.
***
FT, I agree with the commenters who have told you that one person alone cannot change the world by him/herself. Please don’t put yourself down! Instead, keep doing your best with what you have been given. When the time is right for you to embark on bigger adventures, you will know.
I’d also like to remind you how much you have inspired your readers to change perspective and to do more for others. I’m sure you have inspired many more in real life too. This is fundamental. One person isn’t enough to change the world… but if he or she lives according to their beliefs and actually puts them to action like you have, others will want to follow. Together we can all do so much more!
I hope you regain your joy and strength very soon.
I completely understand. Growing up in Colombia and seeing the depths of poverty can really wrench your heart (especially as a child).
I have grown up being committed to giving to charities that I feel make a real difference (I work for one). We try to give as much as we can to help educate poor children. We also try to be involved in our community helping those around us that need help.
I hope you experience something that bring joy to your life.
Blessings from Ireland. Other sites http://www.monasticflowers.blogspot.com
http://www.iol.ie/~anchorhold
http://www.xanga.com/sistersofgraceofchrist
It is not wise or productive to let the world’s woes drag you down like this and disempower you . You know that there is always something each can do and each can only do what each can do. Take in that cat for one thing. And take a break from news another, so that you can do the seemingly small things that are for you to do. We know this and live this as many others do. Negativity is not wise or of faith.. Always there is something each can do, if we but see that and do that. Blessings and peace. Sister. Who cannot be here often because working to feed our babies by the work to sell.
You can’t fix all the world’s problems, but you can have a significant impact on the world. The best thing to do is to choose a single area that you really feel passionate about, and focus all your energy and resources on that.
That’s not to say you’ll ignore all the other problems, but most of the time you need to simply acknowledge them and move on.
My family is dedicated to two related charities that help people with disabilities. So when all the other worthy charities call or knock asking for donations, we feel OK about saying no. You can’t be all things to all people.
Oh, and don’t watch the news or read newspapers. You’re only getting the horror, not a balanced view of life. It’ll depress you and make you feel powerless.
You are already doing so much good. You are so inspirational and I love reading your blog. truly you are on the right path. in reading your blog you inspired me to change the way I live. I now help sponser a child and give to a few local charities close to my heart. I agree there is so much suffering in the world but if we all do one thing surely it is better than doing nothing. Together we can all do much more.
You are truly doing so much. Many blessings to you
I agree with the other writers that not one person, nor even a large group of people can change all the wickedness in the world. And that is not what God wants of us. While Jesus performed many miracles whilst on earth was that all the good he did? If so it only covered a very limited geographical area and short timespan (just 3 1/2 years). None of us will ever have his power to bring back the dead. Did he tempt us with this idea for naught or was it to show us what he would be able to do in the future?Has mankind been left to deal with the problems started by Satan’s tempting of Eve in the garden of Eden on their own? No. Jesus main work was to spread the message of the kingdom or government. He gave his life as a ransom so that he would be able to serve as king of that kingdom and bring about righteous conditions on the earth. Nowhere did he tell his disciples to go healing the wrongs of the world but he did tell them to go and make disciples, telling the people about the kingdom so they could choose to believe in it . Likewise, today we are still not commissioned to solve the world’s ills. We cannot. It is beyond our limited human abilities. We need to recognise that only God has the power to do this and to look forward to this time while helping where we can and sharing the message of hope. As the devil is the perpetrator of all these troubles it is God’s purpose that he will be done away with as well as all those who back him up in their lives. This is the Armaggedon that is spoken of in Revelation. After that the resurrection and a time where past problems will no longer be called to mind. Please remember this and do not browbeat yourself too much although it is also noticable that God is pleased with those sighing and groaning against the sorrows of this system as it shows their heart is right. Hugs Cherrie
So glad I found your blog! I really enjoyed reading the comment on “being yourself in the face of adversity.” Thanks so much for the encouragement.
FT, remember you can’t do everything – you can only do what you can.
Also, you have a duty to look after yourself so that you can be of use to others. I always think of the cabin crew on aircraft telling you to attend to your own air mask first before attempting to help others – a good metaphor, i think.
You are already on the side of the angels.
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Just as the other readers your post makes me tell you that you should not strive to repair all the wrongs of this world. You wrote:
“yesterday evening hearing a rumor that a family whose blog I used to read is now homeless, this was a family who did amazing things – adopting, caring for the homeless, volunteering and now I wonder who is helping them”
As much as I admire people helping others I think our meaning of humans is to care for ourselves and our families and then lend a hand to help others. Most often, as you suspect, the good one does to the society is not paid back and that’s why IMHO, one has to look after himself before others. Martyrs are admired by the masses but sometimes they are a pain to their families.
Think carefully, take the decision that you think is right and do not look back.
Dear FT I’m late to the party to comment on this post but I have been thinking of you since I read it and sending cyber hugs your way! Last night I part watched a doco on TV about acid attacks in Bangladesh – apparently acid is really easy to get hold of as they use it in their jewellery making – and I was horrified by what I saw. The victims are generally women and children (the ultimate throw aways in many cultures) and they featured a hospital that is run by a woman there trying to help these sad and terribly disfigured victims (a one month old baby had acid poured down his throat by a jealous auntie as she couldn’t have a child of her own! another girl had been attacked by her father as he wanted a boy and now the mother has reconciled with the father but he still won’t accept the daughter!) Immediately I thought of you and how saddened you were by things that had been happening, and i thought to myself, how can I help this situation in Bangladesh? The reality is I guess that I could find out the name of the hospital and send some money, or look for an online petition to sign that might do some good, but the reality is that I can’t do much. What I CAN do though is live as good a life as I can, be there for my children, my husband, my family and my community, with some financial support for areas that particularly interest me and try to realise that there is a lot of good in the world, a lot of good people (such as yourself and others who read your blog) who do good things, but you never get to hear about that! As the old saying goes, good news never made a paper sell, and that seems to be true. When all you see and hear is doom and gloom it makes the world seem a bad place, but be comforted by the fact that you do what you can and keep the faith!
Hugs to you, Judy in Adelaide