This weekend has been exceptionally tough, it is amazing how these things happen and well we simply have to cope with them. I was quite shattered after many many late nights trying to accomplish the list, entertain visitors (the picture above is from a Topsham walk), cope with a few other challenges. Then yesterday a very good friend of mine died, far too young with so much left to give. He was a Dr, who spent many years serving in Africa, despite the fact he now had a career back here in the UK, his passion and love for Africa never wavered, he would still speak about what he saw with tears in his eyes, the people he watched die, knowing he could help them if only conditions were different. He was my confident professionally and faith wise. I could discuss pretty much anything with him despite a good 15 years between us, his being male etc, he was always there to listen and support re my gyne issues, questions regarding faith etc. I just feel in shock and I don’t understand why good people who give go and people who take spend their lives serving themselves and not others, those who spend their lives hurting others or simply not making a positive impact get to stay. I know I don’t need to understand it, I need to let go, accept, feel confident he has gone home, but I hurt and I hurt terribly for his children – their grief I can relate to, having lost my own father at a similar age. I remember my world crashing down and everything changing, absolutely everything.
And I’m tired. And there’s no one to comfort me and no shoulder to cry on. As I looked around our small memorial service tonight there were about 40 of us and all but me had someone and it hurt, not having someone to comfort you when all you can do is sob is hard, oh so hard. This friend had a wife whom he loved completely and she loved him and there is something wholesome, wonderful, complete about that, as if they’d found some of the most important roles in life – to love someone and be loved. We all take comfort in that, that he loved her completely, that she loved him completely and someday they’ll be reunited.
And more and more I believe life is about serving, really serving. It’s about finding your calling and making it happen, it’s about making a forever mark here on this earth, so that when you die people aren’t just sad that you are gone but actually can remember how you made a difference, how you helped others. And my friend did that, his lasting legacy the thousands of people he helped in mud hut clinics, the thousands of people he helped here in England in his role as a Dr, the thousands of homeless & vulnerable people he voluntarily served free soup to on a Saturday night, the people I know in trouble he helped (paying for their housing when they lost their jobs, allowing friends who became homeless to move in), and most importantly in his children, children who even though young are already volunteering, already serving and already paying forward that love. Because when you serve people, when you help people voluntarily, when you take the time to be with those in need, when you simply care for all people you are showing love and living love and there is no better way to live.
I wonder what my legacy would be? Do you wonder what yours would be? Perhaps an important thought to reflect on, whether your legacy would show a life of love for all people, a life of making a difference for those most in need, a life of looking outwards rather than inwards, a life about building relationships rather than bank balances, a life about serving rather than requesting being fed.
Goodnight my friend. You’ve been Promoted To Glory but we’d of very happily denied you the promotion and kept you here with all of us.
I leave you with his favourite verse, a verse he lived a shining example of, my friend the Dr who was just as likely to have a friend who had no formal education as friends who like himself were internationally renowned for their work. My friend who was humble and simply loved and cared for all people.
He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8
Oh FT,
I cannot imagine the pain that you are feeling at the moment. Thank you for sharing your loss, your reflection regarding legacy is sending ripples out to your community – it has triggered me to start looking more deeply about the legacy I may leave…
He sounds like a great man with a great soul with a wonderful family who will continue to make a difference in this world. We need to honour those people by doing the same.
*hugs*
By: Neats on July 13, 2009
at 12:54 am
I totally love that verse in Micah too. My favourite though is in Proverbs 3:5,6. To trust in God totally.
Is it wrong to ask why God allows suffering? Some worry that asking such a question means that they do not have enough faith or that they are showing disrespect for God. When reading the Bible, however, you will find that faithful, God-fearing people had similar questions. For example, the prophet Habakkuk asked Jehovah: “Why is it that you make me see what is hurtful, and you keep looking upon mere trouble? And why are despoiling and violence in front of me, and why does quarreling occur, and why is strife carried?”—Habakkuk 1:3.
This is a quote from a n article looking into why people continue to suffer despite God being a god of love. You can find the rest of the article here http://www.watchtower.org/e/bh/article_11.htm .Please, please read it even if you then discount it.
Even King David questioned why the wicked prosper as can be found in Psalm 10 and 73. My thoughts are with you always. Cherrie
By: cherrie on July 13, 2009
at 1:39 am
Oh FT, I’m so sorry for your loss; it’s always so hard to lose a close friend.
I’m sorry that you are feeling alone- I’m sure many of your readers wish they were close enough to comfort you better; as it is I can only give virtual hugs; but I am thinking of you.
I love how you describe your friend’s relationship with his wife; so true and I hope that will provide comfort to you in the days to come.
Finis vitae sed non amoris- the end of life is not the end of love.
By: Looby on July 13, 2009
at 2:15 am
I don’t know that there are ever enough words, or the right words, at a time like this. But I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, and I thank you for reminding me about the importance of serving and of leaving a positive legacy, even in the midst of all that you’re going through right now. Your friend sounds like a wonderful, giving person, and I’m sure that he will be missed dearly and remembered fondly by all whose lives he touched. Please take care of yourself, and know that I’m sending good thoughts your way.
By: Jenn on July 13, 2009
at 2:34 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your friend sounds like a great man, who will be sorely missed.
You speak of wondering what your legacy is, and I wonder if the people you have inspired, both known and unknown, is part of it. I know that I have been inspired to change my life after reading your blog, and I often take inspiration from what you have written.
By: Rinelle on July 13, 2009
at 5:00 am
My thoughts are with you right now. I’m so sorry for the loss of this true friend in your life. The love and respect you feel for him leaps out of every word you have written. I hope you can find someone to give you a hug, there will be plenty among us here who wish they were able to offer you that comfort.
Take care.
Lisa x
By: Lisa on July 13, 2009
at 7:41 am
i am so sorry for your loss, for the loss everyone who knew him is feeling for this good man.
even though we can rejoice to know people are in heaven it doesn’t make it any easier not to miss them!
thankyou though for your thoughts re: legacies and life. it’s something i am thinking about a lot lately.
i wish you comfort and hope – you are not alone, you are so not alone. i agree that it hurts that everyone else has someone, it’s something i struggle with. i am pleading with God to fulfill that hole in my stomach with his own self. he is big enough and capable enough to do it.
love xx
By: rachel on July 13, 2009
at 8:03 am
People just can’t be replaced can they. WHen they are gone they are gone. And we miss them. It hurts. You are not alone. BUt everyone needs a hug. You need to find someone you can hug. Someone you know must be happy to hug you? WE virtual chums will send virtual hugs, but find someone, reach out and ask for a hug from somewhere. YOu are a good kind person with friends, they will surely surely understand. The whole special person to hug thing, well that is something to look for too, but in the mean time. A hug is a hug. go get one
By: mo on July 13, 2009
at 8:07 am
I’m so sorry, FT.
xxx
By: Pebbledash on July 13, 2009
at 8:51 am
I’m so sorry for your loss.
By: rtc on July 13, 2009
at 1:25 pm
So sorry for the loss. Because you lost your father at a similar age, perhaps you can share with his children and how you moved on.
Suffering is a part of life. We all endure it and mostly dislike it but then once we find the end result of our suffering, we gladly will take it.
Will be thinking and praying for you dear friend.
P.S. Changed to blogger.
By: Jessica on July 13, 2009
at 2:36 pm
Dear FT, I am really sorrier for this loss than I can say. I’m still not finished grieving the loss of my husband of 35 years after seven years of illness. He was only 62 when he died and to me he was the best man on earth. A truly loving kind man. The sort of person the world needs more of, not less of. Your friend sounds just the same. Take time to grieve. I tend to look for books to help me through such times and Grieving Mindfully by Sameet Kumar was one that helped me better than any other after Paul’s death. May you be at peace. May God bless you with healing.
By: Kristi Jalics on July 13, 2009
at 4:54 pm
I’m so sorry to hear that – but I can really resonate with your feeling of being alone and how hard that is – I have been feeling a lot like that over the last few days. That is a lovely verse – not one I have heard before but I think it is a new favourite.
By: Lynne on July 13, 2009
at 8:27 pm
Dear FT
I’m very sorry to hear of your loss and sympathise with your feelings at the moment. I too wish I could be there for you as others have mentioned. I’m sure your strong faith will help you through. I wish I could have felt the same when my darling Mum passed away after much suffering in her last year of life. Unfortunately I felt angry and still do at how she suffered, but you are very fortunate to have your faith which will help you and guide you. I wish you all the best from across the other side of the world
Take care of yourself
Judy
By: Judy Yates on July 14, 2009
at 12:39 am
I’m so sorry for your loss.
By: Sadge on July 14, 2009
at 3:05 am
I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend at such a young age.
It’s important to take some time out to grieve. It takes longer than we think to get over the death of a person we care about.
Thinking of you,
Roz x
By: Roz on July 14, 2009
at 11:03 am
Thinking of you.
By: Dreamer on July 14, 2009
at 11:19 am
I’m very sorry for you, FT. I hug you.
By: Barbara on July 14, 2009
at 5:17 pm