Last April, when I began blogging I was exhausted. Not the kind of “I work too many hours and have been quite poorly” type of exhausted I am now, but I had an exhausted heart, mind and soul. I was struggling with my friendships in the West Country, no matter how hard I tried (or thought I did) I could not find positive, upbeat friends who were a joy to be around. I was struggling to do anything but work, pay bills and buy. Okay I wasn’t buying designer anything, but I was still buying. I’d said goodbye to my little inspirations and recently moved, and just could not settle. I think a lot of that was about grief, grief for what could have been and how desperately my situation had changed. Gone were the savings (when the children left, I sent most of my savings to their family so that they could afford to give them a better quality of life) , I’d helped my mum out with buying a house, my two best friends were across the big pond and well I didn’t have anything to be overly happy about. I knew I wanted to change my life, I wanted to build up my savings again, change my job, move, find good friendships, be happy with who I was and give more. I just didn’t know how to do it. The more I read, the more I knew what I wanted to do was downshift, well 10 months on the biggest change I can see is in my heart.
This change wasn’t instant, it was something I’ve had to constantly work on. When I started trying to find a Church this past Summer and Autumn, I heard a sermon by a vicar about being able to tell what someones heart was like by how much time and money they give to helping others. At the same time I watched a very good friend (who I’d only known for a few months but we became great friends) go from being a relatively generous person with her time and money to a very selfish person with both. She moved in with a guy who is obsessed with money, earning money, saving money, not spending on other people, not wanting overnight guests because of the cost and inconvenience. I watched a couple with over £100,000 income (about $150,000 US) with no children spend their money and time only on themselves. Whereas previously we would treat each other to coffee or tea, happily chuck in an extra £1 if the other person didn’t have change now she became someone who was penny pinching, scared to spend money, unwilling to give to charity, or pay an extra £1 towards anything. Despite over £100k ($150,000 US) in savings, they were unwilling to help out parents struggling financially. He was pushing for them to wait to have children until they were rich, because children are too costly and we need a “good life”. Boy did seeing this shake me.
At the same time, I began going to Church more seriously and looked around at a group of people that were doing so much. They were doing just what the vicar had said in his sermon, giving time and money. Each week, they were volunteering to run clubs for children in a deprived community, visiting people who were shut in, going to court with someone who had been abused, bringing meals to expanding families, paying for someone’s car to be fixed who couldn’t afford to pay to fix it. These people had less money than my friends and yet were giving money and time each and every day! And I was inspired. I then started realizing I was falling in love, yes you read that right and I looked at why. Why was I falling for this man and I realized it was because of his soul. Every turn he takes seems to be about giving. And I took a long, hard look at myself and decided I needed to try every single day to be less selfish, to give my time and money and do so with a joyful heart.
So I began. I told a few friends who thought I was mad and already gave more than others they know. While that was true, I wasn’t giving of myself every single day in many ways. So, I thought long and hard about what it would take to give, truly give and to do so with enthusiasm and I decided I needed to give daily, find ways in which I can help anyone who needs it, give my time and money as much as possible. So I started somewhere simple, by sponsoring a 2nd child, who has HIV and is an orphan. And it felt good. Then I began trying to do random acts of kindness, like letting people with less shopping go ahead of me in queues, or giving a person in front of me change when they were struggling to find it. And my heart grew. When an elderly person I knew had had a bad tummy bug I brought her flowers, some food and ginger ale to settle her tummy. And it was amazing to see the smile on her face. When she said “you know I just told someone how nice it was to meet a young person who cares and who I can call when I need something” it made me realize just how important giving is. Then when she mentioned she couldn’t vacuum, well it spurred me on, need someone to vacuum for you weekly – done! When a friend had her car clamped, I gave her 1/2 the money for it. I didn’t have to, it isn’t my car, but I wanted to. And it too felt right.
Last night someone in front of me had a very large shopping trolley and had forgotten a turnip (I bet you were wondering why there was a picture of a turnip!). No problem said I, I’ll go get you one. I gave it to her and she asked where I found it and I had a sneeky suspicion she had forgotten to say she needed two, so I went and got her another one. As I was walking back through Tesco with that 2nd turnip for her, I couldn’t help but smile. It feels so good to look for people and situations every single day where you can help, you can make someone’s life that little bit easier and bring a smile to their face. You never know it might just bring a smile to yours too.
I’ll end by saying I’m not writing this post to get glory. I am writing this because it shows a change in me and if you have a blog, then what a great way to document changes in you.I’m writing it to remind myself that by changing me I’ve changed my friendships and made some great ones! But I hope this entry will also serve as a reminder to me, a reminder to give, smile, thank, talk and do, with a joyful and encouraged heart always wondering “how can I do more”, to as the vicar said, show my love for God and all humans on earth by giving my time and money. Truly, there is no better feeling in the world.
Edited To Add: Today I had a nasty cyst burst on my ovary, given the choice between staying in hospital or resting (in agony) at home, I’ve chosen the latter. It is exceptionally painful and I’d really appreciate prayers and thoughts for a quick recovery.
Hi there-such a lovely inspiring post. Money certainly does not bring happiness, its a shame people can’t get this into their heads. Being generous, kind hearted and trying to be the best person you can for others is worth all the money in the world. Have a lovely weekend!
Excellent post. I was wondering about the turnip, but now I know why. Its an awesome feeling helping people out. I’m glad you found a church where you feel at home, its so very important.
You did say that you were in love too… That’s another good thing… I hope that within 2 years you have your dream home and a couple of pairs of little knitted booties there too.
Sharon – so very true! If only it was taught from birth :0)
Ostrich named Sam – thank you! Re the man, house & baby booties, from your lips (or is that typing fingers?!) to God’s ears!
The house doesn’t matter anymore, but married with a baby would be simple joy.
I think many people are going to find that downsizing gives their life more meaning. I’m all for it – it reminds me of the fellowship one felt in wartime. And goodness is what makes live worth living.
it’s those little acts of kindness that are worth so much more than just giving a cheque……great post and thanks for the photo of the “RUTABAGA”!!! Bet you’d forgotten they were called that over here!!
Gill in Canada
ah, there you have it, the rich life. I always thought that real poverty was when you could not be generous. It is a reminder that no matter how little you have, there is always time, smiles, kindness and attention. oh an love of course. and the more you give of yourself, the better your life is. Oh so true.
I have a very strong feeling that this love will happen for you. And having a baby really is the most amazing amazing thing in the world. Even without the sleep (which is also a precious thing!!!)
anyway, best of luck. Keep on giving. its what life is all about innit.
Being able to give is a gift in itself, noticing that something needs doing or being brave enough to do it. Pleasure at helping others because you choose to care.
Lovely post. So pleased to hear you are loved up.
I am a great believer in Karma, and knocked at my elderly neighbours on Monday during our thick snow to see if they needed anything at the local shop and sent a piping hot, homemade chicken pie and mash dinner down for my elderly mother. It does make you feel good to help out others, hopefully the money saving tips on my new blog are helping people as i am using my time to do the research for them! check me out at http://www.recessionistasister.blogspot.com
rest up. the world needs you
What an absolutely beautiful, inspiring post. Oh, it does feel so good to give doesn’t it. You are in my prayers for feeling better real soon. ((HUGS)) And the “love”, wonderful to hear. Blessings, Heather
I am not religious so I won’t pray, per se.. But I am sending positive, happy thoughts your way because I really hope you get better.
Fabulously Broke in the City
“Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.“
Lovely post- sending healing thoughts your way, hope you have a speedy recovery.
FT, this post brought tears to my eyes. Not only are you a beautiful writer, but a beautiful person. You have definitely inspired me to find ways to be more generous. I was so sorry to read that you are in pain and my thoughts are with you. I hope you are feeling at least a little better.
In a yoga class yesterday, the instructor mused about how people like to think that we reap what we sew. Sometimes it works out that way, but often, that is NOT the case. I hate to think that someone as giving as you has to deal with such suffering in your life. But like all of life, it’s all in how we deal with/confront/overcome such obstacles. Your amazing outlook and determination will get you through. Thanks again for sharing your journey with us and inspiring me to be a better person.
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I’ve been through several ruptured cysts, so I know what you are suffering through. I’ve prayed for you.
Something that is interesting is that my cystic problems recently disappeared when I made changes in my food and vitamins.
Susan
Lovely, thought inspiring post. I hope that man has the same feelings for you?
Sending warm thoughts your way, hope you feel better soon x
I am praying for you and quick healing as I write. This is a beautiful post, and it also gives us a glimpse of a beautiful heart too. You have come a long way, in your own words, and you are touching lives and making a difference. Well done, you!
i hope your pain subsides and you feel better soon…I understand because i have a reproductive disorder as well (though not the same as you) and know how fragile our bodies can be at times.
Oh dear, a dear friend has had the same problem, my heart is with you. I hope you have everything you need for a speedy recovery!
Inspiring read. Get well soon! loots of rest. (((((Beaming)))))) get well vibes
I am hoping that you have a quick recovery and are not in too much pain.
Oh my goodness, I was reading your post and smiling until I got to the end. *hug* I really hope the pain alleviates and you have people looking after you too.
I hope you feel better soon
Many, many prayers and good wishes are with you for a speedy recovery. You are an inspiration to many on both sides of the pond. (hugs)
I can only add my wishes for a swift recovery to all those above. I hope you have someone with you today who can help you feel better, or someone you can call on. Generosity goes both ways – you give your words and thoughts to us on your blog here, and I hope you receive comfort for yourself. Keep warm, stay inside and look after yourself. Best wishes. Rowena
you say it all so beautifully, I will have to resort to poem to say thank you
There’s a comforting thought at the close of the day, when I’m weary and lonely and sad, that sort of grips hold of my crusty old heart and bids it be merry and glad. It gets in my soul and drives out the blues, and finally thrills through and through. It is just a sweet memory that chants the refrain: “I’m glad I touched shoulders with you!”
Did you know you were brave, did you know you were strong? Did you know there was one leaning hard? Did you know that I waited, listened and prayed, and I was cheered by your simplest word? Did you know that I longed for that smile on your face, for the sound of your voice ringing true? Did you know that I grew stronger and better because I had merely touched shoulders with you?
I am glad that I’m alive, that I battle and strive for the place that I know I must fill; I am thankful for sorrows, I’ll meet with a grin what fortune may send, good or ill. I may not have wealth, I may not be great, but I know I shall always be true, For I have in my life that courage you gave When once I rubbed shoulders with you.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery! Take care of yourself and get better. Know that you have a lot of people thinking about you …
A beautifully written post.
I do hope you are felling better soon
Sorry to hear you’re not well! Rest up and hopefully you’ll feel tip top soon enough. x
I am so happy to hear that you look every day for opportunities to help others. I always feel the need inside me to help others, for no gain whatsoever and it just makes us all feel good. Others, close to me, say that I should not be so giving. That others will take advantage of my “good nature” as they call it. Yes, sometimes people do take advantage of me, but that does not stop me from giving. I so hope that you are feeling better soon.
~Corinne
Hi ft
I hope you’re ok and not in too much pain
xxx
I’m praying for a speedy recovery for you sweetie!
It seems that having this blog has helped you to be aware of the changes you have made. Since you are documenting your thoughts and feelings, you likely are more in tune with your life and the goals you have set for yourself.
How are doing with your 1001 things in 1001 days?
How is the knitting?
I truly hope you feel better as soon as possible
Sending my best wishes for a speedy recovery! x
Great post, FT, I have loved reading about your journey on your blog. Don’t stop sharing with us, ok?
And yes, I’ll definitely pray for you… {{{hugs}}} Take good care of yourself…
I’ve been visiting your blog for a month or so, and with each post you become more dear. What a sweet girl you are. I wish I could bring you a bowl of soup. I am praying for you.
kath in texas, usa
I’m sending hugs and a prayer your way too! Relax and rest as much as you can this week-end.
Prayers for you!
You have a good soul, a very good one. Feel better soon!
Ouch, that sounds painful but I can’t blame you for wanting to stay at home.
Good post and interesting to see how your life has developed.
What a lovely inspiring post! So sorry you are in pain (((Hugs))) positive thoughts and prayers are being sent your way for a speedy recovery!
sending good thoughts your way ((hugs)) rest up and get well soon
I’ve just recently found your blog and am so pleased to find a UK based frugality blog that is so informative!
This is a bit off topic, but I wonder if you know of any good UK sites for coupons etc? All the US/Canada PF/Frugality sites seem to have a lot of these as links and I wonder if there is anything similar on this side of the pond?…
FF
Sending warm thoughts to you. I am sure that you will be back and in good health soon. I love your blog, keep it up. I am learning so much from you.
This could not have been posted at a more important time.
In Victoria, Australia we are enduring devastating fires. People have been killed. Animals have been killed. 100s of homes have been destroyed.
When it comes down to it, nothing means more than having your family and community around you. It is all very nice to have a nice car, nice home and ‘luxuries’ – they keep you comfortable, but really, they mean nothing.
We need to give more of what we have to others – that may mean money, time, emotional support, physical support. You are enriching your soul and the souls of those you are helping.
That is what life is about. Just in these last two days the fires have changed my thinking and I will be reassessing my goals based on being a part of this terrible event.
You have accomplished a great deal in 10 months. I’m so proud of you! You will be in my prayers concerning your cyst breaking.
Hi Frugal Trenches. I found your blog through Revanche at A Gai Shan Life.
Such a great post! While reading it, it became clear to me that my blog can and should include service and giving experiences and religious depth that I otherwise had not planned to include. What a lopsided, “obsessed” blog it may have become without that. Thanks!
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That was a lovely post, thank you so much for sharing it with us. I do hope you are feeling less pain now and feel much better soon!
Poor girl. I missed your postscript and hope you are starting to mend. Of course you are in my prayers and thoughts and I’m sending you a big, gentle hug.xoxox
Your personality, faith and what makes you you shines through in this post. I’m amazed at who you are, what you think and feel. You deserve such great things and I firmly believe all good things come to those who give out good.
Have you ever thought of writing? You would be a great contributer to radio or written press.
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Lovely post, thanks! I think the little things like getting the turnip (I call that a rutabaga because for me turnips are whiter — I thought they were called swedes in Britain but maybe that is regional) are very important because they are simple yet they really make the day brighter for everyone involved.
I know you also live in the city. What is your approach to generosity in terms of beggars/panhandlers? I always wonder, will they spend it on alcohol, and does that matter, should I give anyway.
Wonderful, Wonderful Post!!! I will be praying for you!!
~Blessings
…just wanted to let you know that I wandered by your blog today and was encouraged tremendously by your post. Thanks for reminding me that small changes can have wonderful, restorative results!
As always a wonderful post. I hope you get well soon. I’m sending positive energy your way.
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