I’ve noticed, throughout all this journey of getting out of debt, saving, stopping spending and re-shifting my focus’ in life, that there are certain expressions or phrases that have stopped being said by myself and when I hear them, I find I get irritated. Two in particular stick in my mind, both have hidden meanings and keep us from finding our true selves and getting in control of our lives.
I Don’t Like – Oh how I dislike this saying, sure it seems innocent enough, something a 2 or 3 year old would say when presented with a bowl full of veggies, but actually there are quite a few undertones that hold us back when we think we don’t like. Firstly, it stops you from doing those things you know you should do, for example eating healthier but I don’t like salads or I don’t like walking in the evening when I get home from work. It can also be used to put barriers in the way for our personal finance journeys, I’ve heard many many times people in debt say “I don’t like having to cook after work, it’s easier to go through the drive thru” or “I don’t like having to scrimp, save and budget, I work hard so why shouldn’t I spend”. Well folks, I don’t like is perhaps a catalyst for a lot of our problems. We allow it to stop us doing things, exercising, budgeting, eating healthy, organizing out paperwork. I do think we allow children to simply throw the statement out and we stop encouraging them to do things, we don’t explain that taste buds have to get used to foods and trying a little bite every now and then might help, we simply stop serving them or encouraging them to try new things. What a defeatist attitude and yet we do the same with ourselves. I don’t like stops us from having a heart that is encouraged, motivated and in control of our own journeys, able to put aside what we sometimes don’t want to do and do what we should do instead! Like my journey with porridge, you just never know when you have the right attitude what you might begin to enjoy!
I Can’t Afford It/To - I’m sure many of you think this is a good phrase, but actually I think it is very unhealthy. Why? Well I’ll explain. Firstly, for most of us, it hasn’t stopped us buying yet has it? Or we wouldn’t have gotten into debt. Secondly like “I don’t like” I think it is exceptionally passive, almost like a victim mentality “oh I can’t afford it” whine, moan, whinge. It sets the tone of “I want it but I can’t” actually, if we still want those things, if we still want a brand new couch when ours is only a few years old, or a big SUV we see on a deal, then we haven’t really changed because we still want those things! I also believe that for a lot of us, we think of the hours we work and the money we bring home and we think “heck, I should be able to treat myself, I have a credit card, a good income, I can afford it” so you see the can’t afford it doesn’t last. Instead I think we all need to choose language that shows we are in charge of our lives, habits, spending and choices, so instead I use “I chose not to” – it is powerful. It makes me think I am in the driving seat, making financial and life decisions that are right for me. I chose not to spend and get into debt, I chose not to be selfish with my money and I chose to give instead. I chose to spend time exercising and eating healthy and saving my money into an emergency fund. I chose not to buy things not because I want to and can’t but because I chose not to! It’s powerful, you should try it!
Good points. “I don’t like” and “I can’t afford to” are closed statements. They end a thought. “I can’t afford to buy organic food” gives no room for other possibilities.
I like to turn these things around. “How can I make exercise more enjoyable?” “How can I afford solar panels for my home?” “How can I get organic food?”
These statements invite you to think of alternative means to your end. Perhaps exercise is boring because you do it alone – find a friend and you might like it more. You can’t afford solar panels not because your income is too small, but because you spend your money on other things – reprioritise, cut back some spending in one area, do without for a change, and now you can afford them. And of course, you can get great organic food very cheaply by growing it in your backyard, by joining a CSA or a community garden, or by volunteering in a purchasing cooperative.
You’re absolutely right – changing your vocabulary changes the way you see the world. We could all use a bit more of the vocabulary of possibilities right now!
Wonderful post! Thanks for the insight and I LOVE the “I choose not to”…very powerful, I’m usin’ it! Have a great day….Heather
A wonderful post!
You are so right…the language we choose use is so powerful, and can give a positive message…or a negative one.
I agree. The language we use can make us feel like victims and make us not want to actually do anything constructive, it removes responsilibity. If you “can’t” do something, it seems impossible and is negative and says that you don’t have control. However if you “choose” it empowers you and allows you take control of your decisions and your future!
Instead of “I can’t afford it” I usually say, “I want something else more”; like financial freedom, no debt, a healthy savings account, or peace of mind.
Excellent! So very true.
~Corinne
Another one is “I NEED.” Whenever I hear myself saying or thinking “need” I try to replace it with “want.” Saves me some cash
Also, “should.” Should is such a bad word, and full of guilt. Try saying it three times fast, what does it sound like to you?
This is such a great perspective, FT! It stuck me when you mentioned organizing paperwork. I often think about how “I don’t like it” and I let myself off the hook. I just think: It’s just the way I am. But that is ridiculous. Was it “just the way I am” when I was $20,000 in debt? No! And I picked myself up and did something about it (now I have $0 in consumer debt!) My husband is amazing at not allowing “I don’t like it” to stop him. He used to not like soups, salads, or tofu. All things he was willing to try and now loves because he likes the way I make them. I need to follow his example.
I also sometimes use the phase “I can’t afford to” but do always feel like it’s a cop-out. I am proud of the choices I make so why not take credit for them?
absolutely. love the choosing. “I get to choose” its a very powerful position to be in.
interesting take on ‘I don’t like’ very interesting. especially as am bringing up a small chap. who seems to have gone off liking some things. its very interesting. am thinking deeply about that one. taking it on board.
Amen!
While I generally agree with most of what you write here, I’m not entirely sure I agree with you on the second point of this post, FT.
For example, “I can’t afford a new kitchen” but I do actually NEED one – it isn’t something I just want. The same applies to “I can’t afford to have a shower installed” but as I can’t get in and out of a normal bath, it isn’t something I merely want but something I really NEED.
I’m pretty certain I understand the difference between needs and wants and while I choose not to bother saving for things I don’t actually need, being unable to afford something doesn’t automatically make it a want.
Hi FT,
Great post today.
I have a kinda related question to ask you.
I have so so many items of clothes and I seem to think I *need* all of it. I mean I have 3 wardrobes full, drawers, shelves.
I really want to simplify.
When you had your declutter how much of everything did you keep?
Thanks Stacey
Hi All, glad you liked the post. Like many of you said it is about being active rather than passive!
Hi Sharon, I can understand. I don’t think everything is a want, there are certainly needs that we can’t afford, I was concentrating on “the other stuff” rather than necessities. Having said that, I do think that we can save for needs as you do and for things like cars, we can re-think need ie a working car vs. a big car/van/SUV with all the whistles!
I need to have a surgery that the NHS won’t cover, so it is something I’ll save for and try to remain positive that I’ll get there!
Stacey, I’ll email you and it might inspire another post!
Food for thought…
It’s important to reflect on how we use our words or react to things. Negative talk won’t get you anywhere.
Exactly Melanie!
What a great way of looking at things, I’d never thought about it before but you are right saying you can’t is so negative and whether it is a need or a want, well it probably doesn’t help much!
I’d be interested in a post on the clothing.
Thanks for making me think about things in such a new and postive way!
@Sharon J: I still think “I can’t afford” is the wrong thought pattern for your situation. You can’t afford it and you need it. So you’re stuffed.
Thinking “how can I afford to have a shower installed” is more positive, and encourages you to come up with options. You don’t necessarily have to get a brand new shower installed by a plumber. Perhaps there’s a second-hand option, and perhaps you could barter a plumber’s time for something you can grow, make or do.
Obviously I don’t know your situation, so feel free to tell me to pull my head in if I’m not helping.
Great post- initially I was going to disagree with “I can’t afford it” as a negative phrase, but upon further reflection I realise that I might be using it in a different way.
I’ve never had consumer debt, and although I’ve only recently begun actively saving, I’ve always been sure to have some money in the bank, therefore when I use the phrase “I can’t afford it” for the most part I’ve meant “I choose not to” which automatically has a less negative connotation in my head- I think I’ll try saying it out loud in future.
I am really enjoying my journey to simplify things in my life, and I think I found your blog at a great time because I really “can’t afford” much of anything. I just took an amazing job that I absolutely love and adore, but I make VERY LITTLE money. It is an interesting place to be because I’ve truly never been happier and never more poor. I worry that eventually I will have problems because there will be things that I may “need” and not be able to afford, but because I make such little money, I really have to watch where I spend every single dollar and I think it is teaching me the art of being frugal and saving my money for the things that I value the most.
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