I saw this film, Australia, right after Christmas and loved it. Now, in case you haven’t seen it, you might think it is about a love story between Kidman and Jackman’s characters, that is only part of it. For me it was a film much more about a woman finding herself and the love between parents and children. I love the quote “sometimes you have to get lost to find yourself” and “sometimes we got to go walkabout”. They speak to me.
I guess through this whole process, this downshifting business, a lot of us are trying to find ourselves, a lot of us are trying to go on a walkabout – a walkabout that lets us heal from previous pains and scars, accept who we are and decide the route we want to take.
Of my friends from my Uni days 5 years after graduating many of us are on that same journey. We have degrees and masters to our names but want to take a walkabout as far away as possible from the unnecessary stress we face, the demands on our mind and bodies and the deadness of our souls. I was the first to begin this downshifting, crunchy granola business, but many are now leaving, or seeking to leave, jobs in finance, teaching, engineering, law and medicine. A good blog friend is doing the same. We worked hard to acheive only realized we fell into a myth about what true acheivement is, it isn’t to be found behind a desk, working 12 hour days and bringing home a decent salary.
The time in my life when I’ve achieved the most was the time I looked after my little inspirations, working part time in a non-demanding job I was overqualified for and volunteering for a hospice. It was the time I was most at home with myself, with what I wanted to do in life and who I wanted to be. It was the time I decided what was and was not going to define me. My choices at the time really hurt my family, my mother through tears said to me “if all you want to do is be a mother and care for other people’s children why did you waste time studying, why did we waste putting all those resources into your talent in music and academics”. It was hard finding yourself when it was in direct opposition with who others want you to be.
At the time I was also seeing a guy for whom money was a very significant piece of his puzzle. He earned £500 a day and I would of had a comfortable suburban existence – living in a Surrey town, he commuting to London daily (and beyond), children in private schools, a large detached house. Only what I most wanted was a soul mate, someone who would put family before money, someone who’d rather work less and earn less and simply be. Someone who knew who you are should not and is not defined by the money you’ll make. So I made many decisions I’ve never regretted in order to be me, or the me I was trying to find.
Then I took a new position almost a year ago and without this blog as a somewhat constant reminder, I would of lost myself again, in fact it is fare to say I was losing myself again. I could feel it, I could see it and so could others. Sitting behind a desk, sometimes for 12 hours a day is destructive, working 60 hour weeks is crippling, never being able to turn off from work because no one can step in when you are ill or on annual leave makes you feel like you are drowning.
Every single week I felt less and less like Frugal Trenches and more and more like someone climbing a corporate ladder. Sure I could conduct myself differently, when the few women at my level would meet for lunch and swing by the shops, I could simply browse while they purchased £200 + handbags and talked about expensive furnishings and how hard it was to find a cleaner. Yes I could set myself apart by reading about people’s journeys instead of pouring over fashion magazines. It is true that I was able to look at a raise as an opportunity to give more and keep everyones tales of what they are buying with their added money firmly out of my head. For the reality is that we all need to live in the real world, a world that is filled with people with very many different views on spending, earning, giving and simplicity. But just what does it do to your soul to be slipping further and further away from the life you want to live and the person you want to be?
So you see I’m making changes, big changes. Changes I won’t be able to announce here for another 2-3 months but they’re taking place and evolving and being and it feels great. Sometimes I’m scared, but most of the time I remember this new chapter is simply another piece of my puzzle, it is about listening to me, the real me instead of anyone else.
I had to get lost in order to find myself.
I have to go walkabout.
p.s. the clip at the top isn’t directly from the film, it’s about a woman lost in work who decides to go walkabout.
Looking forward to reading more about your journey!
Plug your nose and jump in! I know you have the strength to endure your big changes.
Bit bumpy, time to adjust, but things always get workin’ right again after some time. Enjoy the journey, enjoy the (big) changes.
And I look forward to hearing more!
Oh good post.
I’m feeling as if Ive gotten lost myself recently and now shocked myself back to reality!
I’m looking forward to reading about your changes so will be back.
Go to it girl, you can do anything you want (or need) and come out the other end smiling, feeling good, and knowing where you should be.
Ive been in a similar place to where you seem to be now, some years ago. I was losing me , but I eventually got me back
Now in many ways I have never been happier.
Good luck with your plans xxx and a big hug for the times that you might need an unconditional one !
well, at least something good came from that horrible movie.
but i have to disagree. i think we make too big a deal about being lost and having to go find ourselves. there’s no where to look. we’re right here. what we need to do is drop the illusion that the answers are “out there somewhere”. they’ve been with us all along.
I agree with what you said Deepali, I guess I knew this job/life wasn’t me and I just didn’t listen! Thanks for the insight!
deepali – you didn’t like the film? Oh I loved it! Didn’t think I would tho, but did!
Thanks Babs! What a lovely comment!
Tracy, Money Funk and Sherie – thanks for the encouragement!
Listen to your heart, Frugal, it’s taking you in the right direction ….
I’m glad that you’re making big changes… you are a brave woman!
Good luck.
PS. Had a no-spending day today (inspired by your last post) – it really feels soo good (and instead I found the time to write a long letter on paper)! Don’t want to spend tomorrow either.
This post is absolutely fab, as is your whole blog actually. I’m so pleased to have found it. You are really an inspiration and I can’t wait to read more! I love your info about groceries and meals.
Thanks
Sarah C
I just followed over from a comment you left on another blog, I think it was Soule Mama and boy am I happy that I did. For such a young lady, I’m pretty amazed at what you have done what you are trying to do. If you’ve done this so young and with such determination and grace then you will accomplish amazing things in your life. I’m sure you’ll author books and this blog will just grow and grow. You should be very proud of all you’ve done and I hope you celebrate that you’ve found the meaning of life every single day! Amazing.
Sandie, thank you! You are always so encouraging to me!
Barbara – I’m not sure about brave, but certainly determined to change things up!
Oh I’m so pleased you’ve added no spending days into the mix, they are liberating!!
Sarah – thank you! I really enjoy writing about food!
MM – I love writing but I’m not sure anyone would buy a book written by me!
Thanks for the lovely comments!
What I have found helpful in the past when I am faced with the dilema of ‘is what I’m doing now too high a price to pay for what I want later’. I make a pros and cons list and if the price is too high then maybe I have to lower my expectations of what I want and take a sideways look at it. Money, although many think so, is not the most important ingredient in getting what you want. Sometimes it is possible to get the peace you want by going for your dream on a slightly smaller scale. A lesson was taught to me by my step father when he decided to work an extra three years to make his dream perfect. He gained the perfection but unfortunately cancer arrived at the same time and he never got to enjoy it. Don’t stay on that corporate ladder too long, don’t forget to enjoy today. Margaret
Oh Margaret, that is so wise, so wise. I’m so sorry to hear about your stepfather. So sorry.
Thank you, it’s the validation I need!
that is such a thought provoking post, I am going to share it with my dd, as she graduates from University in April (Records Management) and I want her to have more in life than working, as she has had her nose in books now for six years, she needs the fresh air and to see the world.
Gill in Canada
Gill I hope she has some time to walk on the soil, breath in the air and simple be.
keep going strong at it, girl! i hear you on the expectations of others … my mom yelled and would hardly speak to me for a while when i decided to quit a relatively promising (but long upward climb) career in journalism, which i’d majored in at college, to waitress full time and figure out what was next. now i’m training to be a Montessori teacher of wee ones, and life is overall a striving to be simple and help others and our earth. at one point in my life, amidst many other self-questionings and criticisms of my new decisions, i just randomly said, “whose SHOULDS are these, anyway?” when i realized i didn’t own any of the “shoulds” i felt, and was, freer than ever. now i give that advice frequently to people who feel stuck.
Karen – what a fab comment, so wise. I’m trying to focus away from shoulds and have I am instead. It feels so much better!
I’m going to have to watch this movie. Looks interesting. I’m looking forward to hearing about these changes!
I’m looking forward to hearing about your upcoming changes. I’m intrigued.
It’s so easy to lose ourselves. Thank goodness for the blogging community to remind me what I’m striving for, especially when I can’t talk to many people in real life about my hopes and dreams.
Thankfully I have the full support of my husband and my mother…the two most important people in my life.
G’day from Australia, which is kind of apt for this post of yours.
I go walkabout often – ALWAYS with a camera or two around my neck.
Your consistent determination are so incredibly motivating. I’m very intrigued to here about these upcoming changes. I have read every post of your blog, and you have come such a long way.
Oh, I apologise for the spelling mistakes in my above comment. -blushes- I accidentally posted it before I was done.
I just wanted to add that when I discovered that I wanted to live simply and downshift by straying from the path that I was running. It also enabled me to realise that I did not actually want to spend the rest of my life stressed out over teaching and all the additional work that comes with it, and that instead, I wanted to be at home full-time, writing.
I’ve found that by listening to my heart and soul, rather than my head, I always eventually find the truth.
And thank you for commenting on my blog.
Hi,
Just had to say that I sympathise with everything that you say as it is almost exactly where I find myself. 31 years old with two degrees and a very high paying job in engineering but not enjoying life all that much. I really resonated with your “deadness of the soul” comment. It really does feel a bit like that, putting most of your effort and energy into making $s for a company. Anyway, I’m not much of a commenter, just wanted to reach out and say “here here!”
just go for it, and no regrets, do what brings you peace
its sad that anyone should think that being educated is wasted on rearing children, or even looking after other peoples children. especially music – which is a life pleasure. perhaps she was just worried about how you were going to support yourself? also you must be trained in something to be anywhere near a corporate ladder – and ref to the books, your money or your life and 4 hr work week – is there a way you could earn more in less time? just a thought.
Hi there-so pleased you have some life plans in the pipeline and that they will come to fruition to, good for you!
I’m so happy I found this blog. The clip is beautiful. Thank you. Your education is not wasted. It will help you immeasurably. Thank you for your blog!
Absolutely brilliant post.
Everytime I see this clip on TV I am nearly in tears because it touches something in me that is deeply buried underneath all the daily ‘stresses’. I think it’s important that we get reminded and remind ourselves that there is more to life.
Excited to read about your journey! Enjoy!
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