Encouragement From Afar

Posted on January 21, 2012 by

It is Saturday morning and it has been a long week. A week where I’ve wondered when my children’s needs will reduce, how to make certain rules/boundaries easier to follow, how to keep a house clean when no one else but me thinks it is normal to put dirty clothes in a laundry basket, or not throw toilet paper on the floor.  It has been a week of increased work responsibility with no increased pay and bills that need paying, a week of hospital and Dr visits for my children with scary thoughts about potential surgeries. And well, I’ve felt positively discouraged and worried and anxious and a tad like I’m failing.

And then today my best friend from the UK called, our lives are so different and on the outside we have nothing in common, but it works (isn’t that the beauty of friendship?). And today she called me and for a whole phone call I ignored the rising noise around me, knowing my darlings were perfectly fine enjoying some books, and I listened and laughed and was encouraged. In that phone call she reminded me I am a person, yes flawed, but a worthy person who won’t be perfect, not as a significant other, mother, employee, friend, daughter or any other role we can have in a lifetime. She reminded me, because this week I really needed reminding, God understands when He sometimes gets the scraps, and she helped me figure out solutions to be able to give more than the scraps. She helped me realize, even on the hard days, I’m not a lost cause.

And as I try to practically link this important lessons to our life this weekend, this weekend I’m going to be easier on myself and prioritize right. I’m going to give myself grace in abundance. So this weekend my goals are:

Motherhood
Play Monopoly with my children
Finish reading Flat Stanley outloud
Finish reading Geranimo Stilton outloud
Do 4 pages of their workbooks with each
Bake something together  
Go for a walk in the snow
Knit with my daughter 
Do 6 physiotherapy sessions with my daughter
Family Bible Study
Scripture memory verse

Household Management
Do a basic clean
Make meals for Monday & Tuesday evening
Laundry ready for Monday
Pay bills
Do internet banking
Change sheets
Organize my son’s room
Grocery shop

Work
Finish appraisals for staff
Finish an ethics approval document
Finish a request for info document
Make a workplan for my students
Do a comms plan

Myself
Knit
Read a book
Drink 6 glasses of water each day
Get a new swimsuit (despite the fact it really isn’t in the budget, the reality is I can’t take my children to free swimming sessions without one and I desperately need exercise!)
30 minutes Bible reading each day

And suddenly, I feel like I can breathe again. Encouragement just when I needed it.

Happy Weekending!

Posted in About Me, Adoption, Anxiety, Balance, Being Gentle and Kind, Home Management, Journeying, Motherhood, My Chlidren | 12 Comments

He Has Been Good To Us

Posted on January 14, 2012 by

I often forget. If I were being honest, I’d say I forget most of the time. I don’t remember as I encourage children to quickly eat their breakfasts, or stay focused as they are getting dressed. I certainly don’t remember as I’m trying to rush us out the door to work & school. At work I’m trying to be everything to everyone and get a lot done. Then there is the rush to pick up the wee ones from school and be as encouraging and patient as possible with two tired souls, one of whom finds evenings tough. There is dinner to make, backpacks to sort through, homework to be done, tears to wipe, encouraging to do {neither of my children are “good eaters” during the evening meal}, pajamas to be put on, books to be read, good-nights to be said, reminders to stay in bed to be said in as nice a way as possible. And once there is quiet there are dishes to be done, clothes to be laundered, sweeping of floors (which is a necessity), pets to attend to, work to check in with, work emails to be sent, work documents to be reviewed. And then loooooong after the sun goes down, eyes get heavy and what happens next can only be described as rolling into bed, only to repeat the experience too few hours later.

And sometimes it begins to feel a bit “too much”,  and you begin to feel hurt from the pull, the pull of being physically and emotionally stretched too thin. Suddenly you realize how close tears are to the surface and occasionally you are surprised to feel a hot drip running down your cheek, with each drop acting as a reminder of your needs and a reminder you aren’t sure how they’ll be met. And then, just as it comes to the surface, just as you begin to feel this “journey” is mammoth and lonely and exhausting, just as you selfishly throw out a couple of prayers pleading for a bit of relief, it comes. It comes from places you least expect it, a friend inviting your family out for a meal with theirs, reading some beautiful prayers to say for your children, a lovely song which makes you smile at the thought of one day being able to take piano lessons, a special friend of your children’s continuing to become more involved in their life, a giggle or laugh from the corner of the room which is a reminder to be still and find joy and appreciate. And suddenly, suddenly, you realize all this is holy, sacred; the crippling feelings of how you will do it all, the tears, the giggles, the preparing of snacks, the reading of stories, the shared experiences with friends, the people who come into your lives seemingly from nowhere, but just what you need. And you begin to see, because in my selfishness I can’t always see it, just how good God has been. You begin to realize He provides just what you really need, when you need it. Not necessarily in your time but in His. And you can see, in His wisdom that is the right time, for there are lessons to be learned in this. Lessons about grace, kindness, compassion and meeting needs. Lessons about just how much you can’t do without Him and shouldn’t even try. 

He has been good to us, He certainly has.

Posted in Faith, Lessons Learned, Letters To Myself, Ma Famille, My Chlidren, Parenting, Perpective | 5 Comments

Spending Diary January 1-7th

Posted on January 7, 2012 by

This month I think one of my toughest goals will be sticking to a $250 food budget! January is a loooooong month!

January 1st  – No Spending Day – We went for a lovely homemade Chinese food lunch at a friend’s house. Best Chinese food I’ve ever had!

January 2nd – No Spending Day

January 3rd - We all had a fabulous day, the children were treated to a day out by the person they thing hung the moon! I had a day to myself (first time) and had some physio plus homemade soup with a friend! Unfortunately, it would have been a no spending day, but we ended up being stuck outside in the evening so I needed to buy dinner for us all and be somewhere warm while we waited for friends. I ended up spending $37.56! Yikes!

January 4th – A work lunch I couldn’t get out of, but I opted not to go in with the lunch everyone else was having so instead of paying $10 I was able to get a small meal, share it with someone and only spend $6.

January 5th - No Spending Day

January 6th – No Spending Day

January 7th -  We did a grocery shop and spent $50.06! For that we got: bananas (8), kiwis (12), melons (2), onions, cucumbers, milk, bread, peanut butter, fish (2 meals), veggie ground round, toilet paper, conditioner, cat food, crushed tomatoes, chocolate chips and spaghetti. I meant to bring a calculator with me, but forgot. I thought the shop would come to $40 or so, so was a tad surprised to see it cross the $50 threshold, still I’m hopeful we’ll get some good meals this week, especially since we already have loads of veggies, beans/lentils, eggs and starch at home.  

BTW I plan to keep a running tally along the right hand side of the blog with our total monthly grocery spends for this year.

I also spent $15 on some alphabet shapes for my son!

So that was the weekly spending from January  1 – 7th. I’m not sure how I feel about whether the limit of $250 a month on food will be possible, I go between feeling hopeful and desperate ;) !

Posted in 2012 Goals, Budget | 6 Comments

Preparing

Posted on January 7, 2012 by

Today is our last Saturday before the rush of school starts, once again there will be less time for relaxing strolls in parks, finding fun creatures and just being still. My daughter has already lost a lot of sleep worrying about going back to school, nightmares that her uniform isn’t “right” or she forgets her homework. So much stress (though from what I understand a lot better than her previous school experience!).

So today I’m keeping everything low key. We enjoyed a leisurely breakfast, we’ll do some work on spellings, read some books, talk about the adjustment back, go for a quick grocery shop (and update my spending diary for this week tonight on the blog!), get the uniforms and the place in good order, and get some baking done for breakfasts and after school snacks this week.  The only thing I’m really missing to make this day as relaxing as possible is coffee {a luxury I’ve given up – boo hoo!}

Happy Weekending!

Posted in 2012 Goals, Ma Famille, Parenting, Weekending

Help A Family Friday: It’s OK When It’s “Small”

Posted on January 6, 2012 by

Having recently adopted two fabulously wonderful children on one very average charity worker income, with no assistance, no free childcare and special needs which mean extra resources are needed, it can be challenging to think about how to help others. When you are working hard to set a budget and then struggling to get everything in, you can begin to let a small belief creep in, a belief that you aren’t in a place where you can help others. But sometimes I think we are so focused on “doing something big” or getting our own needs & wants met (particularly if people around us have more resources) that we forget it is the very small actions of giving that create seismic change. And that collectively, good is accomplished by lots of people taking one step.

In this season of life it is hard to feel that I’m giving sacrificially, though someone reminded me yesterday that adopting two older children with special needs requires constant “giving” of oneself. They didn’t say because of some misguided belief adopters are angels, they said it to remind me that giving isn’t just about what happens outside our home, but our everyday actions inside our home can demonstrate generosity and love too. And right now inside our home we are looking at how we can continue to give even in a season of greater needs and less resources. 

And after lots of reflecting on the budget what we can do is:

  • Continue our sponsorship of a crib through Butterfly Children’s Hospices (previously named ChinaKidz) – as readers know, I was a volunteer there summer 2010, an experience which changed my life and a place I know sponsorship means babies and children’s lives are saved.
  • Use our food budget to buy some food each shop to give to the foodbank. We may not be able to spend as much as I’d like, but those few items each shop probably give one meal to a family, one meal they don’t need to worry about and that is good.
  • When we do make a purchase, we can ensure it is fairtrade or ethically sourced.  My daughter’s winter sweater is fairtrade, the food we buy as much as possible is fairtrade, we boycott companies which are unethical and buy small and local as much as possible
  • We visit our local homeless people once a week and give what we can while spending time with them. This is always the highlight of the week for my daughter, whose generous spirit I will blog about soon!
  • We pray for others every day
  • We give away what we don’t need and/or have outgrown
  • We soon will begin volunteering as a family

When I look at that list what I see is a few small lifestyle choices that let us give a little each month. But, as I’m trying to teach my children, it is little every day actions of being loving, giving and kind which is the most important thing. It isn’t about assuming others have money and are better equipped to solve the world’s problems, it is everyone making positive choices, little drops of love, that make the world a much move loving and kind place.

So on this Help A Family Friday, I just wanted to admit that to myself and others that it is OK when the help you can give is small; small acts change someone’s world.

Posted in 2012 Goals, Giving, Help A Family Friday, Ma Famille, Orphan Care, Parenting, Personal Responsibility | 11 Comments

Still Figuring Out The Budget

Posted on January 5, 2012 by

Busy, busy, busy, busy.

Minor car accident + increased school costs + PA Day childcare costs + sick child + car battery dead + physiotherapy = budget not balancing at all. Pure joy I tell you, pure joy ;) !

Posted in 2012 Goals, Budget | 10 Comments

Food Costs & Goals

Posted on January 3, 2012 by

Thank you for all the great suggestions on yesterday’s post, I’ll reply soon!

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about food costs, mostly because I’m trying to balance budgeting with making sure we eat healthy, local, fairtrade food as much as possible. I have never been inspired by bloggers who have drastically low food bills but shop at shops which are unethical, or have a diet which is sorely lacking in what our body needs. For my children, each day they enjoy 3 + fruits, 4 + veg, a variety of protein sources {fish, eggs, lentils, beans etc.}, dairy and plenty of water.  They have a glass of milk each day, (as well as cheese and/or yoghurt), but I limit their juice because when they have it they begin giving me more challenge about drinking water {prior to my adoption of them, they had never had a glass of water – one day I’ll tell you just how appalling their diet used to be!}.  Yesterday here is what they ate:

Breakfast: A slice of flax seed bread with organic peanut butter, a cut up apple, yoghurt, water
Lunch: Scrambled egg, 1/3rd an avocado, cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks, a banana, a cheesy baked potato, dried apricots, water
Dinner: Macaroni & Cheese, lima beans, cucumber slices, eggplant in plum sauce, cranberry oat biscuit, clementine, water, milk

When they first arrived my sole goal was to get them onto a healthy diet rich in fruits, vegetables and healthy proteins. As I’ve commented before, they changed before my eyes – colour entered their cheeks, they no longer had trouble going to the bathroom, they gained weight and their skin improved. My goal now is to continue feeding them a varied and healthy diet, while sticking to a $250 a month food budget {this includes pet supplies and cleaning products – mostly vinegar & baking soda!}. I plan to blog through it all and while I won’t do a daily food diary, I would like to do a monthly synopsis of the budget and admit how easy or challenging it was to stick to!

Are you trying to keep a tight rein on food costs? How do you balance that with making ethical choices?

Posted in 2012 Goals, Budget, Home Management, Parenting | 11 Comments

I Need Three Solutions

Posted on January 2, 2012 by

1. How do I make my 2012 budget balance? So far I’m somewhere between 300-500 short! Second income, or free childcare {aka stay at home parent} where are you? ;)

2. How do I stop my children from running in our home? They are terribly coordinated after years of no exercise, so they slip and trip and it really isn’t safe {I give them loads of exercise in other ways, but running at home isn’t my preferred option!}

3. How on earth do I reign in the sibling rivalry? They do so well if each other is hurt, scared etc. {so loving and kind!} but they are used to being one of 30+ children, followed by being in different homes with much much needier children than they are, so I think are just trying to “establish” their place and are loving all the extra attention {or so they keep telling me}. They also have not lived together since babyhood, so are in the early stages of developing their relationship.  But. But. But. The constant tattle tailing, the lack of desire to listen to each other, the tears that erupt afterwards drives me NUTS - though I try to always be patient, explain things to them, give them a vocabulary for their feelings etc. 

I know there must be much wiser people than I am when it comes to these things. Thoughts? Solutions? Ideas to help keep me sane?

Posted in 2012 Goals, Budget, Ma Famille, My Chlidren, Parenting | 21 Comments

Goals For 2012!

Posted on January 1, 2012 by

I’ve written my thoughts about 2011, sharing them helped me see that becoming a mother twice, moving and changing jobs pretty much took all my physical and emotional energy. As a result I’m in horrific physical shape & low in motivation. There is nothing like a New Year and a new-found committment to living as long and healthy as possible {my daughter was crying tonight, saying “Mummy never die, I will always need you”} to get one thinking about goals.  The truth is, the last 4 months has been totally totally devoted to parenting, apart from being at school my children have not been without me and while that is how it needs to be, I do need to find a way to add in some physical exercise among other things to help de-stress. Added to that I have financial goals that need to be addressed and some life and parenting goals to boot. So here we are, 2012 has been welcomed in and my goals for the year are ready to be unleashed!

Financial

  • Save $250 a month into long term savings for retirement {I have not contributed to my retirement savings in, probably 3 years now, and my work contributes nothing, so need to get on it!}
  • Save $250 a month into a savings account
  • Do a weekly blog post accounting for everything I’ve spent each week
  • Eat out no more than 2x a month {as a busy working mum it can be very tempting to get a quick pizza which I always serve with veggies & nuts on the side to make it healthier, but it is an expense we don’t need}
  • Get a detailed budget written and stick to it

Children

  • Get both up to only one year behind grade level in math {this will be a lot of work, one is currently 2 years behind, the other 3 years behind}
  • Teach both to tell time
  • Teach my son to read
  • Get my daughter to one year behind grade level instead of two
  • Have our first family vacation together (even just 3 nights at Niagara Falls)
  • Begin giving both violin lessons
  • Get a family portrait taken
  • Find a volunteer role as a family
  • Get both Christened
  • Ask one more person to be a Godparent {this person may say no, so asking will take some gumption!}
  • Teach both to identify 30 countries, all oceans and all continents on a map
  • Get both into a sports program
  • Teach both about money {how to identify a penny, nickel, dime, quarter etc and their worth}
  • Finalize our adoption of each other :)

Self

  • Kick the Diet Coke habit {it came back during the early adjustment to motherhood!}
  • Exercise 3x a week minimum
  • Lose the weight I gained this year!
  • Be consistent with bed time (10:30) – especially weeknights
  • Stick to a daily and weekly cleaning schedule
  • Get a community garden plot to enjoy with the children & reduce our grocery bill!
  • No going online from the time we arrive home from school until after the children are bed & dishes/clean up is done!
  • Blog a minimum of 3x a week since it serves as such a source of encouragement!
  • Pick and can/freeze over the summer months – strawberries, blueberries, apples, peaches, tomatoes
  • Learn a new craft

Big Goal

  • Start another adoption for a child with special needs from either Ch*ina or Eth*iopia – just to be clear, this does not mean anyone will join our family in 2012 (in all reality it would be 2013, or 2014 – we are certainly not ready yet and I would delay a referral until I knew we were) - but I want to start while I meet the program requirements as things are quite turbulent in the international adoption world!}

And there you have it, the goals for 2012!  I can honestly say it feels so good to have them written down and helps me see just how much we will be able to accomplish as a family & all that we have to look forward to :)

What are your 2012 goals?

Posted in 2012 Goals, Adoption | 12 Comments

Why I’m Happy It Is A New Year

Posted on January 1, 2012 by

There are many many many many things that made 2011 absolutely fabulous…

Seeing a photo of my children for the first time

Meeting my daughter for the first time

Hearing my daughter tell me I was her forever Mummy

Seeing my children reunited for a 2 hour visit and knowing in the depths of my soul I would never let them be apart again

Squealing as I heard the words it was definitely going ahead

Spending a weekend with my daughter, being allowed a short visit with her brother, crying as he left, praying it would all work out

Getting permission to have both children for a weekend

Traveling home with my daughter in August

Spending our first month together, getting to know each other

My son arriving in September

Watching my children hold hands whatever chance they got in those early days

Hearing my son say words for the first time, when everyone said he would never be able to say them (he now rocks the “sh” and “sk” sounds!)

Seeing the worrying behaviours in my daughter dissipate when surrounded by love, understanding, boundaries and healthy relationships

Hearing my son learn his last name and how old he is, things no one taught him because they didn’t think he was capable of learning!

Jumping with joy when both children reached the 5% on the growth charts {it took a lot of work!}

Hearing my daughter speak in more complicated sentences, a real challenge if you have a language processing special need. My how her ability to articulate her thoughts has come along!

Seeing my children show great signs of attachment towards me {though I firmly believe the attachment experts who say it will take 1-2 years for them to fully trust this is forever}

Seeing my children form our village, I’m so glad they are insightful enough to know who they want in it and I am beyond pleased and thankful that those people have said yes.

Getting reminders of how far my children have come {every time we go to someone’s house I’m amazed at just how well they are progressing, though still needing a lot of direction – lets just say, attending a small gathering last night was exhausting!}

A brand new job in 2011 which I looooooooooooove

Meeting some of the most amazing people in 2011, courtesy of the new job, and realizing despite on the surface a new job seeming like a bad idea {less pay, longer commute} He knew just what He was doing considering what was about to happen {motherhood to two!}

But 2011 was also a year…

I said good-bye

Other people made decisions for my children which were NOT in their best interest (and we are left dealing with the after effects)

People were allowed to have a presence in my children’s lives even though it is unhealthy

Adoption costs spiralled out of control….!

My children had to live the first 8 and 9 months of the year without a forever family and with decisions being made for them which were unforgiveable.

In 2012, God willing, our adoption of each other (as I like to refer to it) will be complete. I’m hoping for an early court date without complication (realistically it will probably happen in May or June) . In 2012 there will be no months my children will be waiting, hoping, praying for a family and not a single night that they are missing each other and hoping the other is OK.

Last night the Godparents did a NY dessert which included 12 grapes on a stick, one to represent each month in 2012. As I sat there, I quietly wiped away the tears knowing each month in 2012 we will be together, as a family.

Welcome, welcome, welcome 2012!

Posted in Ma Famille, Motherhood, My Chlidren, New Beginnings, Oh so Blessed | 8 Comments