We Spent Some Money

Thanks for your kind words, and having just peaked at my email for the first time in a long time, your lovely emails. So very appreciated and I do promise to reply soon. So at the five 1/2 week mark of the summer holidays {where has the time gone?}, we spent money, two times in fact. I think we were all in need of some stress relief after a difficult medical appointment, and as I’d let the children each request one activity this summer that has a financial cost, I was keen to get something in when I found myself having a good afternoon. Wee boy’s choice was a wave pool in the area I grew up, he loves it because it has a hot tub children can go in {rare!}, and waves are a little extra special, so since he’d had the hard appointment and was finally over an eye infection, off we went. We had so much fun. And I was even able to have some quiet time in the hot tub to do my exercises, while he and wee girl played games in another section of the hot tub. We went at the sweet time when camps clear out (2:45 pm) and before the working parents bring their children, so watched the pool clear from packed to 1/4 full as soon as we got in – we didn’t take it personally! ;) After that I took them to my local park when I was a child, and I sat on the bench while they went on the swings. I was able to find a coupon for the Wave Pool that got 1 child in for free, so our grand total was $14. Still incredibly expensive to swim, but since we went 5 weeks without spending and normally swim at free pools, and it was wee boy’s one summer request, AND it really helped change a hard couple days into better moods all round, it was really worth it.

Next wee girl and I took a family art class together which focused on making a family portrait [with a lesson attached – much needed for a very non-artistic me]. Wee girl and I are working on emotions right now, which seem to be very close to the surface for her – likely due to my health issues, and I felt something that got us to a place where she could focus on another environment without the physical reminders of illness, and we could talk about and make art for our family, may just do the trick! And it did, it helped enable some good conversation, gave us 1:1 time without distraction, and brought about good connection which has emotionally felt missing these last couple months. It was a big expense for us at $40 per family, but it felt right to spend. I hope to be able to find a cheap frame at a charity shop and will put the art up in her room. Hopefully it serves as a good reminder, pets and all! ;)

This brings our summer spending to $54 at the almost six week mark, which is an average of $9/week. And I have to say it was really nice to do something outside of the ordinary and take my mind off of the heavy place it sits right now.

How is your summer shaping up?

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Lately

I’m sorry I’ve been away from this space, I’m quite sick right now battling severe edema, constant nausea, no sleep and pain. The pain is relentless; it’s not conducive to thinking, writing or doing much of anything except whimper more than I’d like and need the occasional pep talk that I can keep going like this and eventually this storm will calm. It is so very hard. My lead OBGYN thinks things will begin to look up around late September. It feels so far away.  The only time I feel better is in water, if my uterus is angry and contracting it just feels better, though doesn’t take it away {I well understand the benefit of a water birth}, if I’m just in general pain, then I feel alive again, everything functions a tad better and I can enjoy a wonderful 30 minutes without pain and more importantly, connect with the children. My body relaxes in ways it is unable to anymore outside of water. And yet getting to a pool now is so hard. Sometimes it takes 3 + hours of psyching myself up, filling hot water bottles, waiting until the pain is bearable and then going quick! My poor children. I look a hot mess but they still tell me I’m beautiful. Wee girl massages my feet which no longer have any real shape, and somehow we’re hanging on.

This week I realized I need help, more than I’d admitted to myself previously. I reached out to the children’s godmother yesterday and she’s coming to baby-sit for 5 hrs Tuesday. She’ll travel over an hour each way with her two little ones, bless her. I was so pleased she said yes without hesitation because my ask was at a particularly low point.  A friend is going to drop groceries off tomorrow, my appointments this week give me access to free childcare at the hospital but needing more help at home I’m also going to take one of wee girl’s extra curricular teachers up on her offer to child mind, too. Hoping between her and the children’s godmother I can have two afternoons this week I can nap. Dear God, please let me sleep.

I’m also seriously considering camp for the children, am being encouraged to get some cleaning and meal help in, and my mum thinks once she’s back I should take myself off to a hotel for a week, near hospital, that has a pool and hot tub, and just rest. Last night when I had another night of no sleep I was adding up just what I could spend on help – honestly “reasonable” adaptive camps run $350/week per child, cleaning help is $20/hour, a meal service is $170/week for 7 meals for three of us, and a hotel for a week with food would come in at nearly $1000.  That’s over $2000. If only I received such a pay cheque for what we do day in, day out. ;) At this point I’d do anything to have someone to swoop in and take over because I feel I’m failing miserably at life right now.  I feel like I need a Mary Poppins to sort me out! On balance though, the children are well – wee boy is doing exceptionally well {isn’t that so great? I keep pinching myself!}, wee girl is having fun with her foster kitties and is on page 624 of a book that is over 700 pages (!), we managed a couple of small family activities, both children seem to have stopped the constant stream of colds that plagued them over the spring, and are just happy, content and joy-filled, so I guess I’m not failing completely, right? ;) And maybe for right now that’s good enough!

And because life for me is very much about keeping it real, I will also tell you that right before I was about to push publish on this post, a kitten peed on me. Charming.

Hoping wherever you’re reading this you are in a healthier place than I am, and if not, well then I well and truly understand. Hoping to get to more regular posting again soon – writing is so very good for me.

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