I didn’t get good results today, my GP who works in hospital too (specializing in women’s health) read me the surgical notes and what they noted/found. The surgeons hadn’t told me. And I admit I’m scared. I’ve also started having a reaction (again!) to the treatment (a lower dose this time to try to make things safer) which meant an impromptu conversation between the GP, Surgeon and myself. I am running out of options. I’ve got far more medications now to see if they can off-set it and basically buy time. All they want is a month until all the pathology results are back and then know what really needs doing. I’m having a small procedure next week which I am dreading. And then we’ll know if I need another operation soon. I’m having so much post-op pain – my GP told me to remember after birth a woman takes 6 weeks to heal. I reminded her so far no one has handed me a baby for this! And we both laughed. The hour together was strangely healing. And it didn’t fix anything, but I do feel like I have another lifeline.
My GP did tell me it is unlikely I’ll be back at work within a year. That there’s far too much to do still. I wish I was more grateful than I feel. I feel like my body has had enough. Heck I’ve had enough. But there’s little choice apart from to keep on chugging along.
On a positive note my medications can now be delivered. And I suppose that will make things easier. And I’m not going to yet believe that things won’t be fixed sooner rather than later. That tender line of hope and reality.
I’m not going to blog about finances today, instead just record what today brought. There’s always tomorrow – and really it’s a privilege to say that, and sadly, that privilege isn’t afforded to everyone. But for now, sleep.
I am a pen and paper girl. I still have an agenda, still write lists and have a calendar that is always up to date. Phone calendars do not work for me at all. I find them challenging to navigate, too small to read and not at all accessible. I want access to what I need to do without reaching for a telephone! I was in a real slump last week after my surgery. I couldn’t sleep one night because I was worried about summer. I know, I know. The least of my problems. Though it wasn’t about fun summer things I can assure you, it was about whether or not I need childcare, how much childcare, what weeks and…the cost.
I realized I needed to know scenarios and to do that I needed a calendar. Only I was on the couch and couldn’t move much, so moving towards the calendar was not possible. I remembered years ago looking at google calendar and dabbling, but not quite being ready for an electronic version of such things. Well in despair over childcare I found myself having another go, and to sum it up….I love it!
I’ve recorded almost *everything*. What day the dog food runs out, the children’s school events and extra-curriculars, what days I have help and from who, all my medical appointments, what school supplies are needed for special school days, medications I need to take (and when), when bills are due, when paperwork must be done, to-dos at the top of each day, things to buy and even my penny saving challenge reminders! And because I’m on my computer most mornings and evenings, and have it accessible throughout the day, it’s so easy to update and reach as needed. And the summer? I quickly pinpointed which weeks I’ll take off for vacation if I’m back at work, and recorded my likely surgery day for the summer surgery they have planned. That also let me write reminders to book hospital childcare and camps. And while I don’t know which scenario with my health will happen, I’ve already got each one organized with to-dos and I am pursed to act as soon as I do know.
I’m not being paid to say this, but I just wanted to share another possibility for keeping organized and simplifying life. I never ever thought I’d be recommending an online calendar and likely you’ve all know about this option (or others!) for years. But in case you didn’t, or like me dabbled and didn’t give it a go, maybe it will work for you too!